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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to give this party a miss

48 replies

Neverjoketodogs · 14/06/2018 14:53

A colleague is retiring and having a 'do' after work tomorrow. I really don't want to go but I'm aware this is for very selfish reasons so I would appreciate some perspective.

This colleague is a lovely, kind man but I don't know him well and we have not worked that closely together or for very long. The main reason I don't want to go is that it is a Friday evening and I just want to get home after a stressful week. I could just go for a short time but even this feels like too much effort as the venue is in the opposite direction from work to home. To complicate things I am in a fairly senior position in the company so feel more obliged to show my face although I was not his direct line manager.

I am feeling conflicted because I know that the 'right' thing to do is to go along but I would really rather not. So WIBU to give it a miss or should I suck it up and go - in which case please give me kick up the backside!

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 14/06/2018 14:56

How will it be seen if you don’t go? If in your company it would be considered very bad form, make the effort.

PorkyPortia · 14/06/2018 15:23

Make the effort and go to the party, it means a lot to people

Viewofhedges · 14/06/2018 15:40

Either go for a short time, or buy him a gift and a card and go and see him earlier in the day, and say "I'm so sorry I can't come tonight, but I hope you have a lovely time" deliver present, all is well. Gift-wise a decent bottle of bubbly I'm sure is purchasable after work tonight without too much hassle.

beachysandy81 · 14/06/2018 15:44

Just go and see him, wish him the best and make up a decent excuse why you can't attend.

Sweetheart · 14/06/2018 15:44

Why don't you just say you have a prior engagement so very sorry but you won't be able to make it.

butlerswharf · 14/06/2018 15:57

I wouldn't go if you don't want to!

Fiintastic · 14/06/2018 16:00

selfish

troodiedoo · 14/06/2018 16:01

I would go for one drink. These things are noticed.

troodiedoo · 14/06/2018 16:01

Schedule in some slacking next week to make up for it.

Nanny0gg · 14/06/2018 16:02

Well if the rest of the company feel the same way it won’t be much of a do...

CloudCaptain · 14/06/2018 16:05

Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Just go. Everyone will think you're a right misery if you don't.

HollyGibney · 14/06/2018 16:06

Bit of a lonely do for the retiree if everyone decides they can't be arsed.

DarkRosaleen · 14/06/2018 16:10

I was invited to a colleague’s 21st. He had slight learning difficulties but had good working relationships with everyone in the company. There were 68 of us in the firm.
Two of us turned up. I remember his Dad crying in the pub, looking at the massive buffet.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 14/06/2018 16:11

Everyone just wants to get home on a Friday night! Go you meanie.

Original poster
Neverjoketodogs · 14/06/2018 16:15

I know in my heart of hearts that I should go, not because of what 'the company' thinks, but because he is a nice man and deserves a good send off. I just hate any sort of social gathering and by Friday I've had enough of talking to people (essential in my job) and just want to go home to peace and quiet. I have already contributed to the office collection for his present so don't really want to give a separate gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neverjoketodogs · 14/06/2018 16:25

X-posts. DarkRosaleen - that's awful and I would hate it if something like that happened tomorrow. You are all right and I will go even if it's just for one drink and to wish him well. Thanks for giving me the push I needed.

OP posts:
Fiintastic · 14/06/2018 16:36

Christ.

This is why i would go OP.

Tablefor4 · 14/06/2018 16:42

I've been to a fair number of low turnout retirements and equivalents when the person deserved something better. The decent thing to do is to go, but also to push a few others to go too. And if you're senior that means other senior people who probably feel a bit like you, not your juniors who then feel forced to go.

BigGrannyPants · 14/06/2018 16:59

If you don't want to go, then don't. I assume there is no contractual obligation to attend social events. You will clock watch and look for your first opportunity to leave, which is just the same really as not being there. You won't make any sort of valuable contribution to his send off because you really don't want to be there. Speak to him, tell him you cant make it, wish him well and leave it at that.

bluemoonchances · 14/06/2018 17:55

I'd go. It's not about you. If it's a nice person who has done their job well, they deserve half an hour of your time.
There will be loads of people thinking the same as you and a lot of no shows. Don't be one of the people who make it a disappointing event for a valued member of staff. Especially if you are in a senior role, it will mean a lot to him.

busybarbara · 14/06/2018 17:58

Do what beachysandy81 said and see him personally, say you can't make it (no need to give a reason if you outrank him), but you really wanted to say goodbye properly. That will be more than enough in his eyes especially if he didn't know you very well anyway.

I wouldn't listen to the judgy people around here telling you to go, it's your body, your time, your rules, but just be kind in doing it.

ScreamingValenta · 14/06/2018 17:59
  • Have you already said you will go?
  • Do you think you will be missed if you don't appear?
  • Would it mean a lot to him to have you there, as a senior manager?

If the answer is 'yes' to any of the above, I would show your face for one drink and the chance to wish him well in person. You'll feel pleased with yourself afterwards for making the effort.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 14/06/2018 18:01

Darkrosaleen, that is fucking heartbreaking Sad

MrsMozart · 14/06/2018 18:44

Make the effort. This is the chap's last day.

antwaki · 14/06/2018 18:53

For a retirement I would go. It means a lot to people to have a good send off from their working life. Fair enough give apologies for birthdays etc but big occasions I would make the effort for a short time and get your quiet craving at the weekend. Also the warm glow that you did a good thing!