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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to give this party a miss

48 replies

Neverjoketodogs · 14/06/2018 14:53

A colleague is retiring and having a 'do' after work tomorrow. I really don't want to go but I'm aware this is for very selfish reasons so I would appreciate some perspective.

This colleague is a lovely, kind man but I don't know him well and we have not worked that closely together or for very long. The main reason I don't want to go is that it is a Friday evening and I just want to get home after a stressful week. I could just go for a short time but even this feels like too much effort as the venue is in the opposite direction from work to home. To complicate things I am in a fairly senior position in the company so feel more obliged to show my face although I was not his direct line manager.

I am feeling conflicted because I know that the 'right' thing to do is to go along but I would really rather not. So WIBU to give it a miss or should I suck it up and go - in which case please give me kick up the backside!

OP posts:

Original poster

Neverjoketodogs · 14/06/2018 19:28

I have just sent an rsvp to say I will be there and already feeling better about it. Thanks all.

OP posts:

iklboo · 14/06/2018 19:30

I once reluctantly went for one drink for a leaving do Of a colleague I didn't know really well. I got home at 6:30 the next morning.

(Disclaimer: I was much, much younger and single in those days)

Atalune · 14/06/2018 19:36

The learning difficulty kid story is heart breaking. I hope the colleagues were thoroughly ashamed of themselves. A little kindness goes a long way.

op you’re doing the right thing and these rituals mean something, they are markers in life and we need them to be witnessed as social beings.

HollowTalk · 14/06/2018 19:40

Go for a couple of drinks and get a taxi home.

watchingwithinterest · 14/06/2018 19:54

Make the effort and go one drink and wish him the best. You will be missed otherwise, it isn't that hard to go a long for half an hour.

Darkrosaleen That is one hell of a breathtaking post to read, so sad the part about his Dad.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 15/06/2018 09:58

Good to see you're going.

Nothing judgy about expecting people to do the decent thing!

If we all just did what suited us, the world would be full of shitty stories like the learning difficulties man's leaving do.

Sometimes it's nice to think of others.

Have a great night OP.

MrsCadwalladersHat · 15/06/2018 10:10

DS deliberately leaves this t shirt on his Pinterest "Stuff I'd like" page just because he knows it makes me cry every time I see it. I'm glad you decided to go, OP!

BottleOfJameson · 15/06/2018 10:13

I would just go, it will mean a lot to him and it would be a nice thing to do.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/06/2018 10:19

Glad you're going OP. I'm sure he will be glad too.

Nanny0gg · 15/06/2018 10:49

I wouldn't listen to the judgy people around here telling you to go, it's your body, your time, your rules, but just be kind in doing it.

But it wouldn't be kind. The kind thing is to think of someone else and go.

Well done OP.

busybarbara · 15/06/2018 14:23

On basically any other "I feel obliged/pressured to do X but I really don't want to" MN thread the dice would fall on you being in charge of your own time and consent, yet one bleeding heart story about a lad with no friends at work tugs your old heart strings, ha.

Original poster

Neverjoketodogs · 15/06/2018 21:15

Well I went and had a nice time. I only stayed for an hour or so but there was a good turnout and I wasn't the first to leave. I'm home now and glad that I made the effort.

OP posts:

MrsMozart · 15/06/2018 21:27

Glad it was a good turnout and you had a nice time.

troodiedoo · 15/06/2018 21:28

Love a happy ending

SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/06/2018 21:32

DarkRosaleen

That's awful! That poor lad - what a nasty thing for no-one to come out and support him on his 21st.

Singlenotsingle · 15/06/2018 21:36

It's horrible when you organise a party and hardly anyone turns up! If everybody feels like the OP does, the poor man will feel like Billy No Mates!

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 15/06/2018 22:01

darkrosaleen that's so sad. I can imagine how his Dad felt. Things like that can stay with people for a long, long time. I hope the no-shows were ashamed of themselves.

Busybarbara you don't have much of a heart to tug do you?

peachgreen · 15/06/2018 22:19

@DarkRosaleen That's absolutely heartbreaking. Oh God.

cunningartificer · 15/06/2018 22:49

Extra points, never joke.

Sometimes what’s not such a big deal to us after all means a lot to others.

I bet he really appreciates that you made the effort 🙂

ladymariner · 15/06/2018 23:06

BusyBarbara are you always such a nasty piece or is it a full moon? 'ha'...wtf??

DarkRosaleen wish to hell I'd never read that, how bloody awful. That poor boy and his Dad. Heartbreaking.

busybarbara · 15/06/2018 23:49

are you always such a nasty piece

Hang out on any MN thread about whether you have to go to a wedding or a family birthday party round here and the consensus is always on not going if you don't want to. One sob story in here seems to have turned retirement dos into an exception

bluemoonchances · 16/06/2018 00:13

Good for you OP and glad you had a nice time xx

ScreamingValenta · 16/06/2018 00:39

Yay @Neverjoketodogs. You enjoyed yourself; plenty of people turned up; win all round.

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