Is it OK to live with your partner's parents while you both save for a house deposit?

[christmaspresentaibu]

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking to canvas some opinions - is it normal or acceptable to move in with your partner to his parents' house in order to save money for a deposit?

For context, I'm 24 and DP is 27. He still lives at home with his mum and dad, who are kind people and have said we can live with them for a year or so while we save up.

My parents are difficult in the extreme and my mum in particular will take this as a betrayal of her. When I spoke to my sister (20) last night, she said that, if my parents were upset about me moving in to DP's parents' house, she would understand why. She seemed to think that DP was weird for living at home at 27, and that I should either stay alone as a lodger where I am or we should rent the two of us - in either scenario, we wouldn't be able to save for a deposit at the same time. I think she doesn't appreciate this yet because she is still in the uni bubble.

I do have a thread running in relationships about my mum already but I just wanted to ask a really straightforward - AIBU to want to live with DP's parents for a bit?

TIA

Why not? It's nothing new - my parents did it after they were married in 1960.

It's not easy, though. DH and I shared a house with my parents for six months about 20 years ago. We're all nice, reasonable people but I can honestly say I would never consider doing it again.

OP - the easiest way of earning extra money as a teacher is exam marking. It’s a bit monotonous but it pays!

Good point, PotteringAlong, I hadn't thought of that!

blueskypink my mum in particular is very very insecure and is extremely envious that I live near DP and his family now. She took it out on my dad and my sister while I was on holiday last summer but then I came back and she just unleashed hell on me. Phoning and messaging constantly (every day two texts and an email by the time I got to work, facebook messages during the day and calling and voicemails when I got home) telling me she loved me and wanted to speak to me; summoning me to her house where she cried on me and told me she loved me, then the next second stopped and looked me right in the eye and said 'I know you hate me'; pretending to be diagnosed with MS in September when she was actually diagnosed over four years ago but had kept it a secret; sending me emails after talking to a counsellor who advised writing to me, saying that if she walked under a lorry tomorrow I'd regret not seeing her more.

Unfortunately she doesn't have her children's best interests at heart, only herself. We're coming to terms with that now, but it's a long process.

DSis might well feel differently in a few years, and she might feel that I'm abandoning her to DM I try to keep supporting her when she stays with them, I've offered to take her back to uni if it gets too much and she can come and visit me and DP too.

My ILs have been very generous and kind to me as long as I've known DP, but I'm going to be careful to give them the space that they need as well while we're living there. Thank you all for your advice