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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being childfree is not about having more lie-ins or better holidays, it's because I don't want children?!?!

62 replies

HerculesTheBerkules · 13/06/2018 16:32

Colleagues with kids currently reassuring me that they still go on holiday to nice places every year and now that their kids are growing up they have lie-ins more often.

Me: Confused ok great

Family tell me it's only a few years out of your life and then you get some normality and then once they're grown you've got the rest of your life. DSis tells me she's back on track with her career after a few years out.

I don't have/want kids because I have no urge to, I don't know what it's like to feel broody. I never thought oh I don't want kids because I want nice holidays!

AIBU? I feel like I'm just getting it from all sides at the moment! I'm only 31 so a few years left!

OP posts:
blueyacht · 13/06/2018 17:40

You have my sympathies. Sit it out for another 15 years and it eventually stops.

@flyingdandelionseeds is right, the childfree often deflect with these questions with something glib because no parent wants to hear "I hate all children, and yes that does include yours, and I have no idea why anyone would choose to have them in their life". You just end up sounding like a massive cunt so it's easier to say "tee hee, I love my sleep too much".

Metoodear · 13/06/2018 17:42

woolythoughts

Not all children are raised like this

If you go into any Asian
Afriacan or West Indian home the apply snowflakery fad has much pass these homes by

I am black btw

My sil is Chinese

OliviaBenson · 13/06/2018 17:42

This 'why are you on MN' is tiresome. It's not some exclusive club for parents only. Lots of topics and threads are non-child related. Also, like a pp said, it doesn't mean I want to live in some childfree bubble, just I don't want my own.

YANBU op, I get it all the bloody time. I think it's projection. I am woman so therefore I need to reproduce apparently. I keep getting told I'll regret it too- nice! Oh and I'm selfish Hmm

I usually start banging on about the environment which shuts them up. Or I have said why do you think it's any of your business why I don't want unprotected sex before.

Pleasebeafleabite · 13/06/2018 17:48

its because i want to keep my fanny as tight as possible

And my tits above my knees

Original poster
HerculesTheBerkules · 13/06/2018 17:50

cornflakegirl that sounds lovely Smile

But what if I spent 18 years raising a child and at the end they didn't enjoy radio programmes made by John Finnemore? I'm not sure it's a risk I can take Wink Grin

OP posts:
Writersblock2 · 13/06/2018 17:51

It’s tedious, isn’t it? Tell them you can’t have them and it shuts them right up. My OH has now had a vasectomy so technically it’s true for me. Grin

PositivelyPERF · 13/06/2018 17:58

You're only 31. I was never broody nor maternal. Kids hated me yet I had my DD and I love her to bits and she's cuddled next to me now so loves me back.

Is this your way of saying the OP doesn’t really mean it or doesn’t know her own mind? BTW there are loads of non parents on Mumsnet and even men! It isn’t just about children anymore.

cornflakegirl · 13/06/2018 17:58

What a horrific thought! You may have to hand back your lemon!

MarthasGinYard · 13/06/2018 18:00

I know PPerf

I think that's exactly what the Op probably gets bored of hearing.

Mumminmum · 13/06/2018 18:07

heyyy some of us with kids have tight .... oh sorry... missing point of the thread...

PositivelyPERF · 13/06/2018 18:09

I think that's exactly what the Op probably gets bored of hearing

My husband was never ever asked that question. FFS, I still get asked why I never had children and I’m a 50yr old widow. I’m actually a ‘parent figure’ to my nephews and niece because their parents turned out to be shit at parenting. Never ever wanted kids but ended up with four that other women felt so broody they had to have. I love them dearly and took them in as they had no one else, but still never wanted to have a baby. So I then get questioned as if I really had a secret desire to have ‘my own’. 😒 Nope nope nope. I became an accidental ‘parent’ and much as I love them I would rather not be looking after kids.

auditqueen · 13/06/2018 18:11

I couldn't have children and over the years realised that I probably didn't want them anyway - though still get my moments.

My life isn't all holidays and lie ins. I have a demanding job and sometimes it is stressful and I will need to put lots of hours in. I find that my colleagues who have children don't tend to be as committed to a project as my colleagues with children. However, that is a tiny proportion of parents and non parents overall and so can't generalise.

I rarely get a lie in due to said demanding job - and my dog. And generally because I don't actually sleep that well anyway. Tiredness and sleepless nights are not just the preserve of the parent. It can be incredibly difficult trying to function in my job on 2 hours sleep a night for months on end.

Most of us lead normal lives. Some people have exceptional experiences, but then, most of the people that I've know who lead adventurous lives have done so regardless of whether they have children or not.

I find that the stereotype childfree person that parents mention as being selfish, always partying, holidaying etc reflects what they were like pre children and don't really take into account the natural progression towards a different lifestyle that getting older, working and taking on more responsibilities means for everyone.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 13/06/2018 18:11

You're only 31. I was never broody nor maternal. Kids hated me yet I had my DD and I love her to bits and she's cuddled next to me now so loves me back

Ah, so OP is not old enough to decide she doesn't want them but old enough to decide she does Confused

Glitteryfrog · 13/06/2018 18:12

have you really never wanted to have a baby growing inside you

That is one of my contributary factors to not wanting one. The idea of being pregnant really scares me. (And labour)

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 13/06/2018 18:18

The idea of being pregnant really scares me. (And labour)
labour is the easy part, even the most traumatic one Grin

It is still not clear why some people cannot comprehend that others chose not to have a baby, or a dog, or just a different lifestyle to their own.

It's sad when people don't end up with they life they would like (unwanted pregnancy or infertility), but why does anyone even care about other people choices? They seem to try to justify their own choices and pretend they make the right choice. The more comments you get are from the most insecure ones!

EmpressOfSpartacus · 13/06/2018 23:21

You're only 31. I was never broody nor maternal. Kids hated me yet I had my DD and I love her to bits and she's cuddled next to me now so loves me back.

What are childfree women supposed to take from this?

That we should go ahead & have kids anyway (gosh, I might just make it if I hurry) because our instincts are probably wrong?

StealthPolarBear · 13/06/2018 23:25

Op next time you get a comment like that why not have an epiphany in front of them and make a point of calling out or phoning your oh or a random man and demanding he make a baby with toy right then and there. That might shut them up.

GoldenMcOldie · 13/06/2018 23:33

OP - I am curious, if you don't want children, why are you posting on a parenting forum?

Really am curious. Not wanting to offend.

It's really nobody else's business what you want from life. Having children should always be subject to serious thought about what parents want long term. I think it is great that you are so clear on what you want.

clumsyduck · 13/06/2018 23:39

God I agree op

I have dc and love my life as it is but I get "oh don't worry youl get married one day" etc . Erm Im not worrying I don't want to get married, so no I won't . Heaven forbid us women don't conform eh !!!

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 13/06/2018 23:40

Mumsnet is a broad church with a wide variety of topics not all of which revolve around children so it's completely ok to post on here if you are childless.
OP you have my sympathies - I do have 1 DD, love her to bits but I would never question anyone else's decision not have children, each to their own I say.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 13/06/2018 23:46

OP - I am curious, if you don't want children, why are you posting on a parenting forum?
Really am curious. Not wanting to offend.

OliviaBenson answered this upthread, but I'll cover it too. Title notwithstanding, if you look around MN you'll see loads of threads that have nothing or very little to do with parenting. I came several years ago for the feminism & stayed for that & the running threads.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/06/2018 23:54

Yanbu. End of.

Weedsnseeds1 · 13/06/2018 23:57

I don't have children because I don't particularly like them.
Other people have them, that's fine.
I've hardly contributed to a word wide shortage by opting out.
I

Noqont · 13/06/2018 23:57

Oh feck, if you don't want kids, really don't have them. They are seriously hard work. Its one thing going into it because you want to, but if you don't, then crikey, why do that to yourself (and them). Get on with living your life how you want.

Sleeplikeasloth · 14/06/2018 00:40

Urgh it's stupid. And plenty of parents get nice holidays and lie in (even with young babies), and plenty of child free people have to get up early and don't get nice holidays.

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