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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Hello Moneybags". AIBU?

93 replies

Flatpackjackie · 13/06/2018 10:44

I'm a violin, viola and cello teacher, charging £14 for half an hour and £25 for an hour (standard rate in my county).

My friend is a cleaner and charges £15 per hour (also standard for our area AFAIK).

She's recently cottoned-on to the fact that my hourly rate is higher than hers and keeps making snide remarks about it; sometimes face to face, but also online, in chats with friends.

For example, I invited a group (via WhatsApp) to a barbecue at my house. Just a small thing, nothing posh at all. Her reply "Yes please. The champagne will be flowing if it's at yours, Moneybags!"

This morning at drop-off, it was "Hello Moneybags", in front of everyone, which was confusing and really embarrassing.

I don't earn a lot in fact, and I'm certainly not flash. I've never commented on her earnings. The only reason I know what she charges is because she told me, after seeing my fees on my website.

AIBU to wish she'd drop it and also to I should expect to charge the going rate for my lessons? So as not to drip-feed, I've been playing string instruments for thirty five years; have a degree in music and also teaching qualifications. I haven't just set-up shop with no experience.

Thanks

OP posts:

TheOriginalEmu · 13/06/2018 11:42

i'm suddenly feeling very fortunate for my piano teacher as a child who charged me £5 per hour and my school violin lessons which were free.
anyway, shes a twunt. tell her to wrap up.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 13/06/2018 11:44

it's really really rude. Don't we all have friends who are richer or more successful than we are? Do we go on about it? no.
Yes agree, just say to her 'why do you keep saying that? it's really rude'

BottleOfJameson · 13/06/2018 11:47

She is rude and how on earth did she not realise that you'd be earning around that anyway (I'm surprised you don't earn more!). Of course it's expensive to have music lessons because it takes years and years of training to be able to teach music.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/06/2018 11:47

Reply, "Hello Chip!"

specialsubject · 13/06/2018 11:49

some friend. Ask her if it was a bad day in the playground because only little kids are jealous.

Loving the world's tiniest violin...

Dvg · 13/06/2018 11:51

Of course a music teacher would be paid more o_0 you have to practice for years, its a skill many wish they had.

HarryDaylight · 13/06/2018 11:54

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Her behaviour towards you is very passive aggressive.

frasier · 13/06/2018 11:57

My MIL was annoyed that my job sent me overseas to work quite a lot (“overseas” means “holiday” doncha know) because SIL never gets anything like that and “she’s older” than me lol!

I have a PhD and several publications to my name which makes me sought after in my field. SIL doesn’t.

NameChanger22 · 13/06/2018 11:59

£15 a hour for cleaning???

GabsAlot · 13/06/2018 12:01

i wouldnt care how much my friend earnt she doesnt sound like a good one

Tinkobell · 13/06/2018 12:01

Not comparable. It's like comparing apples and pears. She needs to move to a communist regime where everyone gets the same pay irrespective of talent, education, market demand, skills and experience.

BustopherJones · 13/06/2018 12:01

I was paying a bit less than in a small town over 10 years ago. It’s a very particular skill and well worth the money.

thecatsthecats · 13/06/2018 12:02

Up your rates, then next time she comments, thank her for alerting you to the fact that you're undercharging for your highly skilled labour.

(I paid £20/lesson for drum tuition ten years ago, so you can almost certainly charge more).

Love the communists in this thread trying to act all surprised that a low skilled job that anyone physically mobile can do is anywhere near as valued and valuable as a trained skill (ex cleaner when at uni...).

NameChanger22 · 13/06/2018 12:05

I've just checked out my local jobs website and cleaners earn £7 to £10 a hour. Just remind her she's very lucky to get that rate of pay for an unskilled job.

I'm thinking of changing career now as my very complicated and skilled job pays less than cleaning.

AuntJobiska · 13/06/2018 12:07

Jesus, that's fucking rude. Ask her how much she had to pay out over the years for her cleaning lessons and cleaning examinations. Then point out that part of the reason you charge more to teach your subject now that you're qualified is partly to reimburse yourself for all those years of paying out on lessons.

wagil · 13/06/2018 12:09

My friend, when told I was going away in a caravan, remarked "It's alright for some!". It was her favourite 'poor me, lucky you' saying.

Drove me potty, she was much better off than me and holidayed abroad.

People are just strange.

StayAChild · 13/06/2018 12:09

Rude!! It's obviously playing on her mind.
I would definitely offer her tuition as a PP suggested - mates rates.
Love the tiny violin picture.

TERFragetteCity · 13/06/2018 12:09

"Yes please. The champagne will be flowing if it's at yours, Moneybags!"

'Hi. My apologies, this is an event for adults. Your invitation is rescinded until you grow the fuck up'.

Genevieva · 13/06/2018 12:10

It sounds like you are very good value and your friend is a little on the expensive side. I pay £40/hour for music lessons and £12/hour for cleaning. Completely different things anyway. She will go to a person's house for a 3 hour stint. I am guessing most of your students have 30 minutes or an hour per lesson.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/06/2018 12:12

How bloody rude!

I would just call her out on it in front of everyone else.

"Why do you keep calling me that? For some reason, the fact that my hourly rate is higher than yours seems to be upsetting you. Why? I spent XX years learning how to play the violin and cello. You haven't had any training to do your job. That's why your hourly rate is lower. Now stop going on and on about it. End of."

RoboticSealpup · 13/06/2018 12:17

I wouldn't be inviting her to anything anymore if I were you.

Bubbletrouble43 · 13/06/2018 12:18

I'm also an instrument teacher and your rate is very normal for around here. I find there's a lot of prep involved and extra work so we actually earn less than that. Cleaners in my area get a tenner an hour so shes doing very well actually. I would tell her to fuck off and stop being so rude. I lost all my tolerance for people like that a long time ago.

expatinscotland · 13/06/2018 12:19

What Green said.

astoundedgoat · 13/06/2018 12:26

Another one missing the point here - if you live somewhere where £15 an hour is normal for a cleaner, then you are undercharging for your lessons.

I'm in central/North London and a cleaner around here is £12 - £15 an hour (and I would say that £15 was at the optimistic end), and my children's piano teachers rates are £20 for 30 minutes, £27 for 45 minutes, and £32 for 60 minutes (I have her for 1 hour - 2 x 30 min lessons). Our teacher has a degree in music, but she is very young and has much less experience than you have. I would say she is at the affordable end of the scale for London, as she is just building her student list.

Your friend is a major CF with a giant chip on her shoulder. I would hesitate to call her out on it directly, but would laugh at her next time and say something to the effect of "God - I hope you never find out what other qualified professionals with 35 years of experience earn! I hope you're not this cheeky to your GP...".

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/06/2018 12:31

I would call her on her rudeness, otherwise it's going to continue. "You give the impression (by constantly being snippy) that you don't like me very much. If so, please don't feel obliged to socialise with me out of politeness, I would rather feel comfortable with the people I'm with than feel that I am being barely tolerated."

She is probably double pissed off because not only to get paid more than her per-hour, but it's also not as 'hard' as her work because it's less physical. I wouldn't agree with that opinion, I'm neither a music teacher nor a cleaner but given a choice between having to listen to DD practise on her tin whistle or clean my bathroom, the cleaning would win every time.

She will almost definitely be highly offended that you've picked her up on this and will claim it's 'humour'. But, really, if the object of 'humour' clearly doesn't find it funny then continuing with the 'joke' is just rudeness.

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