"Hello Moneybags". AIBU?

[Flatpackjackie]

I'm a violin, viola and cello teacher, charging £14 for half an hour and £25 for an hour (standard rate in my county).

My friend is a cleaner and charges £15 per hour (also standard for our area AFAIK).

She's recently cottoned-on to the fact that my hourly rate is higher than hers and keeps making snide remarks about it; sometimes face to face, but also online, in chats with friends.

For example, I invited a group (via WhatsApp) to a barbecue at my house. Just a small thing, nothing posh at all. Her reply "Yes please. The champagne will be flowing if it's at yours, Moneybags!"

This morning at drop-off, it was "Hello Moneybags", in front of everyone, which was confusing and really embarrassing.

I don't earn a lot in fact, and I'm certainly not flash. I've never commented on her earnings. The only reason I know what she charges is because she told me, after seeing my fees on my website.

AIBU to wish she'd drop it and also to I should expect to charge the going rate for my lessons? So as not to drip-feed, I've been playing string instruments for thirty five years; have a degree in music and also teaching qualifications. I haven't just set-up shop with no experience.

Thanks

Just speak to her and say you find it upsetting when she calls you that. If she is at all decent, she will stop it.

I assume you need to do prep and admin outside lessons, hold concerts for your pupils, support them at exams? So a lot of unpaid additional hours.

You probably need to maintain your instruments, and insure them- instruments are pricey!

Does she also post on MN asking how other people can afford fancier stuff than her?

My Friend is a piano teacher on a similar rate but in reality she can only work a few hours a night because her students are at school during the day & don’t come until after dinner. A least your cleaner friend can work all day long if she chooses earning a lot more per day. She probably has a higher monthly wage than you.

Bloody hell don't know what she'd make of tattooists like me charging a minimum £60 p/h ...

How strange! What you do is a skilled job, not just anyone can play and teach people to play those instruments so obviously you are going to earn more than say a cleaner.

That’s like wondering why a dentist and bin collector don’t earn the same surely?

Next time she says it just say “what’s with the moneybags x?” Once she replies just her the face

A one off joke would probably be trying toe be funny and you could just laugh it off with a comeback or a "yeah right, I wish " laugh and an eyeroll.
All the time,though? That would seriously start to get annoying and start to seem like digs!
Tell her to pack it in, or as someone else said, play a tiny violin for her

@TheMaddHugger 😂😂😂😂 that's made my day thank you!!! OP please please get her one 😁

Offer to swap jobs on a £1000 bet. If you can do hers, she pays up, and vice versa.

Say: "🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 do you want to swap jobs for a bit I could do with a break!!!"

😉

What a weirdo. I’d bloody hope someone with a skill that took decades to develop and learn to convey would command a higher hourly rate than cleaning!

I’d just roll with it tbh in a slightly self depracating, slightly smug way. As if you’re rich. So her comment about the champagne, reply with ‘sure, I’ll get the vintage bolly in 😂’. When she just calls you moneybags alone, ignore it.

I'd probably say something like..."It seems rude to point out to you that after playing for x years, x qualifications and teaching, It would be ridiculous to only be able to charge the same amount of money as a cleaner, but given that you're the one pointing out that with my skills, my hourly rate is higher... I'll have to ask you to stop, because you're embarrassing me, and you're certainly embarrassing yourself!"

Missing the point of the thread, I think you're undercharging. I know I am and I charge the same. You should be on at least £30 - £35 ph now according to ISM fees.

Next time she comments point out the difference in the cost of a cello to the cost of a cloth.

Also available hours are very different, I bet she can still work and be paid over the summer holiday.

Stepping away now before I go into rant mode

How on earth does she manage to have a problem with the fact that work which requires years of training, practice and qualifications is paid better than work that requires minimal training/skill and no qualifications? I can't imagine anyone not being able to cope with that.

Is she basically a nasty person? Or just very very thick?

I would not be amused. What a twunt.

She'd faint if she met DDs speech therapist. £65 an hour ( 😭)

And just to echo what other posters say, I have a cleaner and pay him £12 an hour and pay £17 for DD's half hour flute lesson.

Blimey
What does she say to her gp?

I'd tell her you think she's being rude.

Side note - I have a teeny violin like that pic sadly it disappoints visitors because it doesn't play.

“Christ, if you speak like this to someone who’s worked for decades for her skills but earns earns slightly more than you, how rude are you to all the doctors, gps and other parents who earn way more than me?”

TheMaddHugger

I think bluntness is required here. I have a long time friend who makes comments because about five years ago we made different choices and our lives kind of forked away from each other. She is a single mum, she moved away from the city we met in and doesn't work (genuinely no judgement, just setting the scene). I work full time, have progressed well professionally and I'm married with no kids.

I enjoy lots of travel, expensive handbags, decent make up, etc. I'm not flash by any means and I NEVER brag about things but it comes up in conversation and she makes comments about how I'm soooo lucky. I'm not lucky though - I bust my (metaphorical) balls working, saving and prioritising to make sure I can enjoy these things. It feels a bit demeaning to be honest.

I finally had to tell her this and she actually took a huge step back from our friendship, which is sad. Maybe we just didn't fit together as friends anymore.

Ask her where she got her degree in mopping.

The fact is, unless you are phsycially disabled, you could do her job with no training and no education. She could not do yours (and neither could I so don't think I'm coming from a position of privilege here) and therefore, you get paid an amount of money that reflects the education and experience (and rarity value) of your skill set. She gets paid an amount of money that reflects a) almost twice the minimum wage because people don't WANT to clean and b) half your wage because nevertheless, anyone CAN.

Is she generally a bit awkward in social interactions? It could be a mouth/foot attempt to be funny.

How much did her cleaning training cost her, and how many years did it take? Time=money. If you spent 15 years training, including paid lessons, then 5 years in university or at a conservatoire, those are years you have been paying out for training, and haven't been earning.

In the meantime cleaner friend has either had no outgoings for training, or has actually been able to earn money.

If she wants a lawyer, a music teacher, and a cleaner to earn the same, she needs to move to the USSR.

If you think she's regretting lost opportunities, suggest she goes back to college and get a foundation degree, then a university degree. (And if she says it's too expensive/time consuming then she has her answer.)

P.S. I think your rates are reasonable - here it's about £36/hour for music tuition, and a good cleaner is £10-12/hour. Good cleaners are amazing, but I've never met one who doesn't accept that it's a low skilled job. I've had bright cleaners and I've encouraged them to go to college and on to higher paid skilled work.

It's like when people wouldn't dream of commenting on an overweight's person size but have no problem saying to a thin person that they are far too skinny and look anorexic.

EXACTLY.

She's got a chip on her shoulder, OP.

I think good cleaners are massively valuable and wouldn't dream of being snide about anyone who did that as a job. But it's got to work the other way round too. It's just inverse snobbery.

Next time say, expressionless face and voice, 'Why do you keep saying that?' Even better if other people are there too.

Oh my goodness, she is RUDE!

I would sit her down and explain that to be a music teacher requires years and years of learning and investment, not to mention sitting a series of increasingly demanding exams. I think there's every chance she sees your musical gifts as something that fell from heaven, not something you have really had to work at over a long period of time.