Invisible illnesses on a packed train

[MsFrizzle]

Had a "fun" time on the trains yesterday. Somebody (very sadly) passed away at Chesterfield and sent the entirety of Sheffield station into chaos, just as I was about to get on a London train. It's not a huge issue for me because I didn't have to be anywhere but home, but it is because I was directed to multiple trains missing out Chesterfield before I finally got put on one where everybody was packed in like sardines. I walk with a cane. I have severe rheumatoid arthritis, and somebody was kind enough to give up a seat for me (the little seat that's inbetween carriages if you get what I mean).

A pregnant lady got on with an older lady, presumably mother, grandmother or perhaps other relative? My cane was folded away in my bag because it was a long journey and I can manage making my way to a seat if any open up because there's handles on train seats. Older lady instantly glared at me, looked at Pregnant lady. OL said "aren't you going to get up for her?" looking at PL again. I felt pretty awful about it but I knew I couldn't stand for even the 45 min journey to the next station and however long it took us to get out of our station (20 mins waiting for the OK to get going) and said "I can't stand for that long, I'm sorry". standing and walking is incredibly painful for me but keeping moving is a way to help with flares, which come and go. I don't want to get a wheelchair which is even more cumbersome in incidents like this. OL said "You're young. she's pregnant, you should be giving your seat up for pregnant people" and now everybody else in the crammed space is glaring at me so I took out my cane to show her and she just laughed at me and called me a selfish bitch. I just said "i have arthritis" and she said so did she (herself), but you didn't see her complaining.

PL didn't say anything. She looked a bit embarrassed, but maybe she was annoyed. No train staff had any chance of coming down the aisles so there was nobody to really mention it to. Was I in the wrong?

YANBU. That woman was dreadful. Even people, who have disabilities don’t act appropriately either. I also cannot believe no one in the train gave the pregnant woman a seat. Or the older woman. No manners. Mind you she didn’t have any either.

I am disabled. So are you. It took me a long time to use this word. Earlier today a woman, who also has a disabled badge but by the looks of how swiftly she could move on crutches is more able bodied than me. She was entering a building as I was leaving it. She was literally rushing into me with her crutches assuming I should be able to jump out of the way. I could have fallen over and was hanging onto the building and shuffling toward my car. I don’t carry sticks or crutches because they’re not helpful as I’m extremely fatigued and it would just one more thing to carry (and drop) and simply to indicate to the outside world I’m disabled. Do I need to get my clothes printed that I have a hidden disability?

If I was in this difficult situation, I would not fold my walking stick, but keep it visible as a sort of "badge". It is a shame that you may have to do that, but it would save many problems.

Yup. This is an approach I’ve used when temporarily incapacitated a couple of times. When I had an open myomectomy, I went around with an old hospital crutch for a while even though I didn’t need it to walk with: because it signalled that I was a bit fragile, couldn’t move fast, kept a bit of space round me.

As for working (someone asked, I'm catching up so sorry!) I might be? I don't know. It's awkward because when I'm flaring 90% of the time I'm in agony or I'm so fatigued all I can do is sleep (can't even pay attention to a movie) but other times I'm absolutely fine in comparison, just achy and sore. It's hard to explain that I can be "healthy" some days, although my normal is probably a bit less able than a healthy person's normal, and other days I'm virtually incapacitated.

I'm worried about getting a job and being flaky or being forced by the job center to get a job that I won't be able to do because they don't let you discriminate on which jobs you pick AFAIK. I'm staying with a relative in London right now to apply for a job but I don't know if I'll actually be able to handle the physical side of it at all even on good days. I'm just scared if I go to the job center they'll be no help at all, although I'm scrounging off of my parents right now which is just as shit of a situation to be in.

" just because someone's pregnant doesn't mean they need a seat. "

They might do if their BP drops to 80/50 and they're feeling faint, dizzy and nauseous as a result. It's just a pity that people have to play "who needs a seat the most" wars because not one fit and able bodied person will give up theirs. Selfish sods.

Selfish sods.

I think I explained where we were really badly because there were no other seats in the area - google says the vestibule? Where the toilets are, the bit that's between two carriages. There's usually one or two little fold down seats that people can perch on, so nobody in the carriages knew she was there and they kept shoving people on with no concept that there was literally no room as it was.