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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled?

50 replies

ILikeMyChickenFried · 12/06/2018 17:09

On Saturday we had a BBQ for DH's birthday. We invited his sister and her boyfriend. We asked them to arrive at 3ish.
At 4.30 she messaged me to say they'd be over soon but her boyfriend had wanted to take a nap. I asked if she had a new ETA and she said let's just wait and see when he wakes up.

By this point it was 5ish, he BBQ was ready to cook, we were hungry and in an hour and a half would have to start getting the children to bed. I said it would maybe be better if they didnt come. She's ignored me and DH since, so was AIBU to cancel?

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 12/06/2018 17:11

God no. That's so so rude. I'd be furious, especially at being due at 3 and not messaging until 4:30. What on earth was she thinking.

Trinity66 · 12/06/2018 17:11

umm no, how rude of her :/

icelollycraving · 12/06/2018 17:11

Well she was a bit rude. Probably better to have said that you were starting the barbecue as the kids were hungry and hoped they could still make it.

MissVanjie · 12/06/2018 17:12

Not at all, she was rude af. A nap? Is he 3? Hmm

allyouneedis · 12/06/2018 17:12

Not at all. Unless he BF has a medical condition that means he falls asleep at random times then it’s just plain rude to not make the effort to come at 3. She’s probably feeling a bit embarrassed and that’s why she’s ignoring you.

Neverender · 12/06/2018 17:12

Were there loads of other people there or was it just them? I think this makes a difference.

Nofilter · 12/06/2018 17:12

Sounds like they maybe had a row... maybe ask if she’s ok?

KittyVonCatsworth · 12/06/2018 17:13

SWDBU how very rude Shock what does your poor DH have to say about it? I hope he’s calling her out for her bad behaviour.

HopeAndJoy16 · 12/06/2018 17:14

No YANBU! I'm fairly laid back with lateness (as in other people's, i try to be pn time myself) but that takes the absolute piss! 30 mins late, fine. An hour is pushing it and anything after that is plain rude. She's in the wrong and she knows it. Why didn't she just come without her boyfriend?

SoddingUnicorns · 12/06/2018 17:15

Oh fuck that, I wouldn’t have waited in those circumstances. A nap is not an emergency, and she (and her boyfriend) were extremely selfish and rude.

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 12/06/2018 17:15

He was annoyed about the BBQ, more annoyed that she's now sulking. We've both tried to be in touch since but she is ignoring us.

It was just supposes to be us and them.

OP posts:
Caribou58 · 12/06/2018 17:17

I once invited a couple - close friends, or so I thought - over to have dinner with (now ex) DH and me. I cooked a load of tapas because it was her favourite food.

He showed up at the appointed time of 7pm, no sign of her - she'd called him earlier to say she'd gone up town (London) to see an afternoon film with another friend.

To cut a long story short, she finally rolled up at 10.15pm, absolutely shit-faced. We had - obviously - already eaten, having waited until 9pm.

He took her home immediately, I vowed not to speak to her unless she apologised and she sort of did, eventually, after 4 weeks.

After two more incidences of he treating me like crap, however, I cut her off forever.

Iloveacurry · 12/06/2018 17:19

They should be apologising, very rude of them.

AnnieOH1 · 12/06/2018 17:25

I don't normally say this but to me it's a huge red flag that there may be abuse in their relationship. If he'd fallen asleep was she too scared to even attempt to wake him maybe?

Is she ignoring your DH too?

Turquoise123 · 12/06/2018 17:26

not really how you could cancel at 4.30 something that should have started at 3 - it's the case that they did not arrive surely ?

DarlingNikita · 12/06/2018 17:27

YANBU. That's outrageously rude. You don't wait until you're late to tell people you're late!

Fuck em.

NataliaOsipova · 12/06/2018 17:28

she said let's just wait and see when he wakes up.

That would annoy the hell out of me even if someone were talking about a two year old.....no way would I accept that when it's a grown man. She was rude and you were perfectly reasonable.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 12/06/2018 17:29

stop trying to get in touch

just ignore them

BrownTurkey · 12/06/2018 17:29

I guess they didn’t think you were waiting on them to eat, were just seeing it as a more casual arrangement, but fine for you to cancel.

Singlebutmarried · 12/06/2018 17:29

They’re not the couple who over Christmas didn’t turn up at a friends for dinner due to the boyfriend needing a nap are they?

Mortallie · 12/06/2018 17:33

Did you have other guests waiting to eat too? Because making everyone else wait for two people to turn up isn't on.

YANBU.

Mammyloveswine · 12/06/2018 17:36

Singlebutmarried I thought the same!

Did they ever turn up??

Tinkobell · 12/06/2018 17:36

Nope YANBU at all. She's treating her brother and his invite with an unacceptable level of disdain - probably from sibling familiarity. No excuse when you're all grown up and an adult though.

Juells · 12/06/2018 17:38

@Singlebutmarried

They’re not the couple who over Christmas didn’t turn up at a friends for dinner due to the boyfriend needing a nap are they?

Ooooh, does the plot thicken?

Semster · 12/06/2018 17:38

The only time I was late for a barbecue due to needing a nap, I'd got up at 2am and flowing for 7 hours, and was coping with a 4 hour time difference. And even then I felt bad about having made my hosts wait half an hour!