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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

<Long> Do you think this guard was bad or kind?

70 replies

questionzzz · 12/06/2018 16:00

I am of Iranian origin, immigrated to a western country several years ago, and have visited my birth country only a few times since.

A young (teenager) relative of mine (lived all her life in the west), decided to do a school project about women's rights in Iran. She asked me (and several other family members) to share a personal experience of life in Iran which was related to our human rights.
So I shared this below. After reading it, my young relative was very upset, and said she would have liked to (figuratively, I hope!) kill that guard.
I said I think she missed the point, the guard was actually being kind to me. (at least, that's how I felt then).
What do you think?

Most people know that in Iran, women have to cover their hair and their body when they go outside, leaving only their hands and faces uncovered. In government buildings, the dress code is much stricter: women are not allowed any make-up, and their clothes have to be much more modest and covered than usual.There are guards outside government building who,apart from security, also control what women are wearing, and if they feel a women is not covered modestly enough, they can refuse her entrance.

A few years ago, I had to visit the passport office to renew my children's Iranian passports. Mindful of regulations, I dressed extra modestly, with a large loose dark scarf and coat concealing my hair and figure, and no make-up. However, I forgot to wipe off my nail polish.The guard at the entrance of the office stopped me, and said I was not allowed to enter with painted nails. I was upset- we didn't have a lot of time in Tehran, and it was a full day to get to the passport office and back. Seeing how upset I was, the guard relented. He gave me a pair of gloves, and said if I put them on and kept my hands covered, I could enter the building.

Looking at the gloves, I shuddered. Originally white, they were now a filthy grey. They were also too big for me. But I dare not refuse. I drew on the disgusting gloves over my hands. I could feel my skin prickle and start to itch. I reminded myself that it was my own fault for disobeying the regulation. I reminded myself I was there for my children. Like millions of Iranian women, bullied and harassed everyday, remind themselves. It is their own fault. And they have to obey the laws, for their children, for their parents. So, with a will of steel, I entered the passport office, thanking the guard for his courtesy in helping me and allowing me to enter.

OP posts:
AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/06/2018 18:36

Not a housewife and have family in Iran. Do I 'pass'?

qwertyuiopy · 12/06/2018 18:37

I assume the gloves were dirty simply because they were used time and time again.

We were sent home from school to take off nail polish. TBD “kinder” teachers would let us go to the chemistry lab to find some acetone.

TheVanguardSix · 12/06/2018 18:38

I think your teen relative needs to be made aware of how many people in the world live lives where they need to adhere to the rules that come with strict regimes. The guard was following protocol. This happens in democracies as well.

The guard solved a problem the best way he could and perhaps, put his job at risk. I don't know.

I don't understand your teen relative's melodramatic reaction. I mean, the guards you want to kill are the ones akin to SS guards kicking typhoid victims in the ribs while they're already down.
The guard did you no harm and it's not like he threatened to cut your fingers off if you didn't wear the gloves.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 12/06/2018 18:41

JJS888 You are seriously rude. What’s your view then seeing as you know best. Do these women enjoy their lives and lack of rights?

JJS888 · 12/06/2018 18:44

Not really. The world ouside England and Scotland (And inside a lot of the time) isnt great and, to be fair I haven't lived there for 22 years but I still don't get why going out of the UK (or SE England if that helps you) is a surprise. All I can surmise is that it makes your life less boring. I also have an Iranian passport. It doesn't make me any more intelligent .

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 18:56

But you said we couldn't comment unless we had travelled. But know we say we've we still can't comment?

Yes life isn't great in the UK but hey women have more rights here then Iran.

FaFoutis · 12/06/2018 18:58

It certainly doesn't.

MissionItsPossible · 12/06/2018 19:03

JJS888

Well at least your last two sentences are correct.

questionzzz · 12/06/2018 19:05

The story with the gloves is true. If I had wanted to make it untrue, I would have said something like "And then they flogged me and stoned me while screaming Allahu Akbar"- as some (despised?) expats are known to do (looking at you, Azar Nafisi). As others pointed out, the story is low-key and humdrum enough to be without exaggeration.

tbh, I get JJ's rage. A lot of expats I meet have this. It's like, put your own house in order first- how dare you criticise my house, especially since brutal British and US governments were largely responsible for the history which led to the present state of affairs, in Iran (and in "Africa", and about a hundred other places in the world).

BUT- the reality is, women-and the poor, and the working class, and LGBTQ are horribly oppressed. The stupid dress code is in the constitution of Iran. It's not a colonial construct.

Also- to those who said maybe the guard wanted to humiliate me by making me put on the dirty gloves- that's what my sister (also part of this project!) said. And of course there are guards and police and parapolice who take perverse pleasure in humiliating women with these stupid, stupid laws. As it so happens, I don't think that particular day, that particular guard was doing that- he was just trying to keep the line moving, and behaving humanly, as it were.

OP posts:
Di11y · 12/06/2018 19:08

Reminds me of the time as a child I went to my grandfather's v strict church in NI and was given a hat to wear from a big box of them as I entered.

Not acceptable to be imposing hat wearing on me, should have been my choice but at least there wasn't an embarrassing incident. Not sure what would have happened if I'd refused.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/06/2018 19:08

I prefer the story of the spotty youth police (give me a badge and I'm God) who tried to reprimand a woman for having some hair showing.

He came around to find his trousers missing after being beaten up by a group of very pissed off women.

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 19:20

Well that isn't a good story is it? Confused

Even though I disagree with the law / rule, beating someone for making sure the law is followed and then taking his clothes is not good at all.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/06/2018 19:23

Any idea how pissed off the women are? Or what it's like to be threatened with arrest for a lock of hair showing by a kid young enough to be your child (and in Iran it is a big deal to treat your elders with respect).

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 19:34

I'm sure it is very upsetting and I think the law is stupid and horrible.
But it's horrible beating a policeman as well.
That's all I'm saying.

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 19:35

And again even though he is young he is still a police officer. .
It's like me telling a cop here you can't tell me what to do as I'm older then you Confused

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/06/2018 19:44

Not a 'normal' police officer - more like the morals police. Clampdowns every time the government needs to distract people away from the economy.

The culture is very much deference to your elder - pushing older women around and threatening them would usually go past with a mutter and a grumble - but can you imagine being that frustrated, that angry, that ouraged, insulted, worn down - when you can remember what your country and religion was like before the revolution? Before all the made up rules and regulations. Before teenage girls could be thrown into prison then executed for trumped up 'morals' charges?

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 19:47

I can see the anger for the rule. Like I have said

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/06/2018 19:48

He was the face of the rule that day. You can enforce rules and enforce them if you know what I mean.

siwel123 · 12/06/2018 19:50

I think I do.
They weren't angry specifically with that officer.
They were angry with the rule and he was seen as the rule in their eyes.

It must be horrid to have lived in quite a moderate country then to a stricter country that infringes on women's rights.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/06/2018 05:47

Fekko
I love the story of the beaten up morals police officer and no trousers!

Oh and yeh JJ, that’s me a (bored) British housewife, who can have no idea or opinion on the subject.

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