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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give in and do it myself?

47 replies

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 08:10

disclaimer to start with - DH is usually a great husband, although can be a bit crappy on the wifework front

So DH always comes to bed after me, it's always been like this. Since DD has had a bottle, he's sterilized one before bed so it's ready for her first morning feed. It's never been something we discussed, he just always did it.

Over the last couple of weeks he's been forgetting. I asked him if there was a reason why and he didn't think it was a thing he did. Anyway, he agreed it was useful and that he should continue doing it.

This morning I go to make her bottle and there's no sterilized bottle ready. By the time its cooled enough to use she's crying and I'm pissed off. He says to me that he asked me last night if there was one ready. I apparently said there was. The only way thia conversation could have happened was if I was asleep. (I do sleep talk, obviously not giving reliable answers though).

He doesn't understand that I'm pissed off he couldn't look in the microwave or the prep for a bottle & seen there wasn't one done. In my mind he's an adult and doesn't need to ask those sorts of things.

Part of me is tempted to just do it myself so I know its done, but why should I? We agreed this is his responsibility and I want him to do it. AIBU?

OP posts:

4dogs · 12/06/2018 08:17

Can you remind him before you go to bed? I know you shouldn’t have to but if it makes your morning easier it’s worth it. Yanbu tho, it’s not much for him to do!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/06/2018 08:21

It’s a tiny responsibility. I wouldn’t take it off him unless there’s something less urgent you can swap.

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 08:30

If i remind him before bed I may as well just do it. It takes seconds to prep the bottle for the microwave. @testing is right, it's such a tiny job. I don't understand why its so tough for him to remember.

I bet he doesn't forget tonight - I have a KIT day tomorrow and he'll be doing the first bottle.

OP posts:

rollingonariver · 12/06/2018 08:36

Get him to set a reminder on his phone ?

Neverender · 12/06/2018 09:14

Do you have to sterilize it last thing at night? We had the maam bottles and once sterilized they stay that way for about 3 days. Do you just need to buy more bottles so you have one ready and at hand?

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 09:29

We have 6 bottles and she has 4 a day so we have enough and she's weaning so I'm reluctant to get more when we'll need less soon. I could put an extra one on during the day but that's still me doing it. He has so little involvement during the week (although this will change when I go back to work), it's such a tiny thibg for him to do.

OP posts:

Troels · 12/06/2018 09:41

It's not woth the angst, just buy a couple more bottles and relax. Lifes not supposed to be this hard.

Neverender · 12/06/2018 11:37

But some more and then you don't have to stress about it. You'll always have a sterilised bottle and can save energy for any battles you will actually have to fight.

adaline · 12/06/2018 11:41

I would buy more bottles and just make sure she has enough - this is such a small issue in the grand scheme of things.

I understand where you're coming from that you do it automatically and he should be doing it because it's his job, but you'll have much bigger battles to fight as your daughter gets older. Save your energy for the things that really matter.

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 11:53

I see what you mean. We've managed to parent quite effectively so far and DH has always been supportive especially when I decided to stop bf. I think its just representative of this whole wife work stuff. In its self, not worth the argument, is it?

OP posts:

ReadytoTalk · 12/06/2018 11:59

Get a tub and use steriliser tablets. Much easier then they're always ready to use.

LeighaJ · 12/06/2018 12:32

Why not just buy a microwave steam sterilizer, that multiple bottles go in? I have a nice one by Mam, wasn't that expensive, doesn't require tablets, and came with 2 bottles and a dummy. Takes just 15 minutes in the microwave and bottles stay sterile in it for up to 24 hours.

Shumpalumpa · 12/06/2018 12:40

Don't give in. He will clock on and realise you will give in on other things too.

PuppetOnAString · 12/06/2018 12:44

Just buy a Milton tank, bottle ready when you need it. I wish I’d bought one the first time round.

MatildaTheCat · 12/06/2018 12:45

I would personally see the bottles are done before bed and yes, have a few more to make it easier. Then find another job he needs to do which is completely un- negotiable and doesn’t inconvenience you such as emptying the bins, changing the beds at weekends etc.

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 15:51

I'm really reluctant to buy extra sterilizing stuff. DD is almost 8 months and we won't be sterilizing stuff after a year old. We have MAM bottles that go in the microwave and that's all that's needed.

@matildathecat he already does the bins and all the cooking. He's generally pretty good, it's just this one thing that he did without thinking but is now forgetting since we agreed he would do it. That's what bothers me more.

OP posts:

adaline · 12/06/2018 16:07

Just buy a few extra bottles and make sure they're all done as part of the evening chores - if he cooks, can he not do it while he's sorting dinner, or doing the dishes?

You could get a cheap steriliser off Facebook Marketplace - there are always cheap ones up for sale on mine. Then just sell it on when you no longer need it.

Shumpalumpa · 12/06/2018 16:25

Just do this, just do that.

You end up just doing it all.

BrutusMcDogface · 12/06/2018 16:31

Seems a tiny thing to get worked up about, imo. Sure he should be doing it, but how much energy and headspace are you wasting by stressing about it? He does all the cooking? I wish mine did!

BrutusMcDogface · 12/06/2018 16:32

I just thought of something. If she has 4 bottles a day, why are you only sterilising one at bedtime? Maybe if he had to do them all it'd be more of a job that he wouldn't forget about?

Nikephorus · 12/06/2018 16:37

Maybe when he thought about it last night he was nearer to you than to where you keep them and so logically asked you? Not his fault you gave him the wrong answer so I'd let it go. And get more bottles to make the job easier.

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 17:03

*Just do this, just do that.

You end up just doing it all*

This is it, exactly. I have sole care of her during the week except her bedtime bottle if he gets home in time. I need him to do the little things.

@brutusmcdogface we do one before bed so it's ready for the morning. I'll do 2 when I get her bag ready for the day and one when I get home. I wash them all together or 4 together at the end of the day. Its stemmed from her being combination fed for most of her life, we only needed one or two bottles a day so I did them as I needed them.

OP posts:

CitySnicker · 12/06/2018 17:43

You don’t need to sterilise after 6 months do you?

CitySnicker · 12/06/2018 17:45

Give him a different job instead.

Original poster

Bobbiepin · 12/06/2018 17:46

@citysnicker its recommended that bottles are sterilized until 1 year. There is bacteria in formula that can get quite nasty if little bits are left. I don't sterilize anything else other than her dummies once a day as she drops them everywhere.

OP posts:

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