Exwife behaving like a twat over DD's diet.

[PeanutButterSquash]

My youngest DD has something called GERD. It causes her to regurgitate a large amount of foods including cheese and some other dairy products, but she can eat (without issues) chicken, fish, potatoes, rice, pasta. The problem comes with being more adventerous with that.
I found some vegan cheeses for her to try,
Some weren't suitable due to having seasonings in them that dd can't eat but I found a product that she absolutely loves, tastes ok (even to me). So it's allowed me to expand her diet a bit. I've been able to adapt about 8 of her favourites just because I have this cheese she can eat.
I mentioned it to exwife and sent dd over with some cheese on her weekend (Ex has her one weekend per fortnight).
Ex has been bombarding me with links about how a vegan diet isn't suitable for children - yeah ok, but she doesn't have a vegan diet? She just can't eat most red meat, but does eat loads of fish and chicken, as well as turkey and the odd bit of ham (which is a bit 50:50 on whether she can keep it down)
I explained this to ex and ex has said I MUST stop DD eating these horrible processed products, it's not good for her, being vegan is a terrible thing etc etc.
but she's not a vegan and surely a bit of processed vegan cheese that widens her diet isn't an issue? It's violife cheese slices, not crack cocaine ffs. Plus, I know ex feeds her plenty of "processed" things (birds eye fish cakes and nuggets, anyone?) which I don't mention or have a go at her for.
Aibu to think exwife is just behaving like a twat for the sake of it and just nod and smile?

Just ignore. She's obviously barking up the wrong tree entirely.

We I'll call the ex a twat then because she is, her child has a medical condition and op has found a food that the child can eat without any problems. All that the op has said makes perfect sense to use up packets of various things (as mentioned before about nappies, wipes etc.) rather than buying new to be wasted.

Op your ex doesn't sound very bright or is she just trying to throw her weight around to remind everyone that she's still has her in put?

I don’t have an agenda! I like vegan foods and cheeses, and freezer food alike

There missing information here and I just think the ex disagreeing with OP over one food item for their DD is no reason to call them a dick or twat.

Her behaviour is that of a twat. I'm happy for you to proceed with using that label entirely appropriately OP. YANBU.

Or “not very bright”. The ex may disagree with OP about what foodstuffs affect DD’s health condition.

She can't be very bright if she starts harping on about not giving her daughter a vegan diet because of one vegan item, can she?

I don’t like people calling their ex’s twats over minor stuff like this, it suggests a lack of respect.

Yeah, it's unheard of to have someone swear about their ex on MN- especially on AIBU. Where do you think this is, netmums?

Vegan cheese is processed crap with no nutritional value.

I don't really see the point in having it as a sandwich filler for a kid that has no digestive or moral issues with eating meat and vegetables.

I don’t think she’s acting like a twat on purpose, I think she’s just dense.

It’s best just to tell her your daughter likes it and so you give it to her. Don't waste your time arguing your point, it’ll just confuse her more.

@OP

I've frozen that cheese with success, I use it in dd's toasties when frozen as can be thrown in the maker while frozen.

I found some vegan cheeses for her to try, Some weren't suitable due to having seasonings in them that dd can't eat but I found a product that she absolutely loves

Can you just clarify - when you say that some of the vegan cheeses you bought for her to try "weren't suitable". Do you mean that DD tried them and was ill afterwards? Or do you mean that you bought them and then found you couldn't give them to DD?

If it was the former then I can understand the ex being a bit wary.

Otherwise I think you will just have to agree to differ on this point as you both seem to be judging each other for the same thing!

• she is judgmental about the processed vegan cheese you give your DD
• you judge the processed fishcakes and nuggets she gives DD

My daughter and me eat vegan cheese because of dietary requirements. Her dietician recommends vegan cheese as it's a good source of nutrients, especially calcium which can be lacking in a restricted diet.

Violife cheese is expensive and doesn't last all that long when opened.

Have you tried the own brand vegan cheeses? I think it's sainsburys the ones we like, come in different flavours and the block cheese melts much better when grated than the slices do

Fwiw I think it sounds like she's totally misunderstood and thought that "vegan" marketed products per se are bad for kids, rather than perhaps what the articles she has read were aiming at, which would be that kids need iron, protein, fat etc.

OP wasn't being judgemental for the fact that she gives her DD freezer food. He was pointing out that it was hypocritical that she was telling him that one vegan product was too processed for her diet while frequently feeding her processed freezer food.

You are trying your absolute best for your dd if her Mum doesn't like and objects to the cheese that allows her to eat a wider range of foods there is very little you can do.
Sounds like your ex isn't into food so educating her may prove very difficult.
Co parenting it's so hard even on a great day.
Is your ex being difficult? I don't know sounds ignorant more than anything.
You keep exploring options for your little girl. She is very lucky to have a foodie Dad.
Vegan diet or not just carry on exploring alternatives. Chicken gravy may be ok?

I think she is being a little odd. My DD is allergic to loads and its really exciting when you find something new she can eat. I do tend to get a bit evangelical about a new product even though no one else really cares that much. My parents get the bulk of my enthusiasm but i think if my wife and I split up we would still have this attitude and be grateful for any new food finds.

just nod and smile

I get this from exh's new dp who is convinced I am making up dd's allergy to milk - she also has reflux so when it flares up she has to eat carefully but exh insists that his new dp is an expert in nutrition which must be odd as you would think someone who was an expert in nutrition wouldn't give a child allergic to milk a lasagne with a load of creamy sauce in it

it's point scoring, controlling and in the end, utterly pointless....but the more fuss you make, the worse it will get so for the sake of a weekend a fortnight, just let it be

lifechangesforever

I love Violife cheese grin I'd eat it more often if it weren't so expensive and available more than just specialist world food type shops

I often buy violife from Asda, tesco and morrisons.

OP as I have a DC with allergies and food aversion I understand that you are just trying to keep your DDs food options a bit wider.
I also appreciate how much effort has to go into a restricted diet and think you're just trying your best but for the sake of two days a fortnight it's just not worth the argument.
A difficult relationship with your ex will affect your children and I agree that she's being daft about this but let it go.

I think she is behaving like a twat, actually. For a kick-off, I can’t believe that in 2018, people are still peddling the myth that there’s anything instrinsically unhealthy about a vegan diet. Sure, there’s the odd loony off-grid couple in Vermont, or somewhere, that manage give their kid beri-beri, but a balanced vegan diet is very healthy, and I’d suggest even a fairly shite vegan diet is probably better than most omni diets. And I think she is restricting your daughter’s diet: her diet is clinically restricted by virtue of her condition, but you’ve found something that enhances her diet. So by not even entertaining it’s inclusion, she is restricting her diet. And it isn’t that what she gives he is frozen, but what you give her is processed - what she gives her is frozen and processed. What does processed even mean, anyway? Violins is made out of coconut oil; regular cheese is made out of milk. I think it’s pretty cool of you to send over a pack of something your daughter demonstrably enjoys, and twattish of her to attack you for it. Btw - I bet she’s describing you in an uncomplimentary way to her friends: “You’ll never believe what the arsehole gave me this week! Vegan cheese, the monster!”.

manage to
its
Violife

I think she is being a bit of a dick, HOWEVER to play Devil's advocate violife really has little nutritional value being mostly water and about of coconut oil, and doesn't have the same protein content that real cheese has, so I wouldn't rely on it too heavily. But dairy eaters shouldn't rely too much on real cheese either.

She's being a bit ott. Have you tried goats cheese - hard one you can grate? My kids were dairy free but found they could tolerate goats cheese

have you tried freeing it.or if it doesn't freeze in it alone form could you make cheese sauces and meals etc then freeze.this would mean it doesn't get wasted.
then you can just go along with what you no your dc likes and her mum can do the same.
whats important here is your dc health.and if you've found something that eases this illness then good for you.it can be so painful.
also don't give up going back to some foods if there are days she says she think she can or wants to try them as ive found all sorts of things can effect it and it bloomin changes its reactions from one day to the next depending on mood.the day of the week or just out of its own annoyance.and some days she might be able to tolerate some foods.she wouldn't the previous
being stressed with her mum certainly wont help though as stress seems to really effevt and heighten the symptoms and make it harder to take foods on. so id just stick to what you know helps her.smile and carry on.

Pasta isn't vegan, it's made with eggs.

Already been corrected, but this^^ is such a common misconception. The vast majority of common or garden pasta in the supermarket is vegan.

The eggy kind is for those with fancy pants . And not for vegans (obviously).

She's rather dim for the simple fact that a true vegan diet is absolutely fine for all ages. Just ignore her.

And don't post about food on MN. You rarely get sensible replies about nutrition!