Exwife behaving like a twat over DD's diet.

[PeanutButterSquash]

My youngest DD has something called GERD. It causes her to regurgitate a large amount of foods including cheese and some other dairy products, but she can eat (without issues) chicken, fish, potatoes, rice, pasta. The problem comes with being more adventerous with that.
I found some vegan cheeses for her to try,
Some weren't suitable due to having seasonings in them that dd can't eat but I found a product that she absolutely loves, tastes ok (even to me). So it's allowed me to expand her diet a bit. I've been able to adapt about 8 of her favourites just because I have this cheese she can eat.
I mentioned it to exwife and sent dd over with some cheese on her weekend (Ex has her one weekend per fortnight).
Ex has been bombarding me with links about how a vegan diet isn't suitable for children - yeah ok, but she doesn't have a vegan diet? She just can't eat most red meat, but does eat loads of fish and chicken, as well as turkey and the odd bit of ham (which is a bit 50:50 on whether she can keep it down)
I explained this to ex and ex has said I MUST stop DD eating these horrible processed products, it's not good for her, being vegan is a terrible thing etc etc.
but she's not a vegan and surely a bit of processed vegan cheese that widens her diet isn't an issue? It's violife cheese slices, not crack cocaine ffs. Plus, I know ex feeds her plenty of "processed" things (birds eye fish cakes and nuggets, anyone?) which I don't mention or have a go at her for.
Aibu to think exwife is just behaving like a twat for the sake of it and just nod and smile?

Sending the cheese was odd IMO: during your ex’s contact time it’s up to her what she feeds DD, obviously within reason. Why is it odd - genuine question?

This weekend we were having pizza - DSS loves sausage pizza. I got the reduce fat smoked sausage that he loves and none of us eat it. There was loads left and he has had it a few times in past. He asked me to send a picture so he could forward it on to mum so she can buy it. I had lads left so asked if he wanted to take it home so he could show her and eat it - was that odd or over stepping?

It’s not standard for the parent with whom the DC live most of the time to provide food when DC visit the non resident parent, and the polite thing to do would be to mention the issue and see if the ex would find it helpful to have the opened food item(s).

It seems likely that OP’s ex has different views about managing DD’s health issues and diet.

loopy
I've fairly regularly sent snacks for DD (and our other children over the years) as well as nappies and wipes, when there in need of those. Just to be helpful, really. And it was logical (as explained above) for me do to the same with this.
If she doesn't wish for me to send it I'm sure she would've said so by now... I don't disapprove of what she feeds DD, in the grand scheme of things it could be worse and I'm more interested in them having a good relationship than DD eating "bad" food 2 days out of every 14.
I think anyone using backwards logic to restrict their child's diet is being a dick.
Dd is 8.

Ex doesn't want me to "stop sending things" ex wants me to "not feed dd vegan food because it's bad for her".
If it was just "please don't send it again" it wouldn't even be on my radar to post about it...

Not odd or overstepping to share the food tip with DC of an age to mention it to the other parent, or indeed with the other parent directly. Whether sending opened food items with the DC is overstepping depends on your relationship with your ex and your ex’s views - some people would be find about it, some definitely wouldn’t. In OP’s specific case OP has overstepped IMO.

Your ex is not restricting DD’s diet by not wishing to use one food item.

Well in that case I've been overstepping for years.
Whoops, pity ex failed to mention it until this week... I might've saved myself some cash over the years.

Well, that’s new information, that you have often previously sent food and she’s been content with that.

So you now know that she doesn’t approve of this food item (as you don’t approve of the “bad” food she gives DD) and doesn’t wish you to send any over. Doesn’t give you grounds to use abusive terms about her.

Clearly an idiot - there's a world of difference bwetween being vegan and eating some cheese which is labelled suitable for vegan

Pasta isn't vegan, it's made with eggs.

You're right though. Maybe just accept your daughter won't be eating anything that varied or adventurous on weekends with mum. At least most of the time you're getting the variety in there.

It's not odd at all to send food, wipes, nappies etc back with the child , especially if they would be chucked away otherwise.

OK ignore the posters saying you were using 'abusive language' when calling her a twat. Giving a child processed cheese as one part of her diet is fine, and she is kicking up a fuss for no reason. If the roles were reversed nobody would berate her for calling you a twat so don't worry about it

Clearly she isn't going to buy it, so it won't go to waste there.
Can you freeze it? Tho it will probably keep at yours till dd comes home. You've inadvertently pushed some button, don't worry about it.
Nothing wrong with fish fingers is there?

Agreed Taco if the sexes were reversed in this situation, it would be game on to call the father a twat

Is she a bit thick?

Nothing to do with either person’s sex.

I don’t like people calling their ex’s twats over minor stuff like this, it suggests a lack of respect.

I'm with you Op. There you are, trying to be helpful, and your ex is just being difficult! Stick with feeding your DD what you know works, and leave your ex to do her own thing.

(I don't think you are talking disrespectfully, btw)

Freeze the cheese

Your exW sounds either so caught up in a prejudiced thought pattern about veganism that she can’t think straight about it, or she’s being a dick. You could try listing out all the foods she gives DD that/are vegan - broccoli, chips, rice, bananas, etc. It would be good if you know of a few processed foods she gives her that happen to be vegan too. And let her know you’re only using this cheese in the same vein as you might use any of those other foods, i.e. as a small part of a balanced omnivore diet.

Or you can just ignore it. Nod your head, tell her you won’t feed DD a vegan diet and then just don’t mention it again. There’s nothing to be gained from having a show down with her is there?

But I don't ask ex to stop feeding dd anything Loopy
And yes, that one item being removed from her diet would restrict it, quite heavily.
Dd has only just started to have a bit of variety in her diet and it has meant I can make for eg, pizza, fish pie, lasagna, vegetable pasties (with a white cheese sauce inside, as I've yet to find a gravy that isn't onion or red meat based that she can eat). If I just stopped feeding her this "one thing" it would mean going back to square one with basic foods. What ex is asking me to do is wholly unfair.

You don’t have to comply with your ex’s wishes.

But within reason what your ex decides to feed DD is up to her.

According to manufactures it's not safe to freeze. Unfortunately. I would otherwise

Most supermarket pasta is vegan. There is only egg in the expensive stuff

OP please stop engaging with Loopy - very apt user name BTW - they appear to have an agenda (as does your Ex). Like Boom suggests above just crack on with the nodding and smiling, Ex does sound like a twat to me.