To be annoyed people don’t realise deafness has levels!

[Veryfeduphear]

I have mild hearing loss. So much so that I have hearing aids that I wear sometimes (but don’t particularly like them), I have to lip read, ESPECIALLY in noisy environments, and do this without even realising. I spend a lot of time asking people to face me, telling them there’s no point talking to me whilst we’re in a noisy room and even having to tell some people with ‘softer’ voices that they may as well give up. As well as the hearing loss I have issues with frequency separation, so often noises just blur into one.

However I have no major issues, and don’t consider this hearing loss a major impact on my life.

I don’t tell people I have hearing loss, but people do notice and then ask me. I get comments like “oh you talk well for a deaf person” and all of a sudden people start shouting at me very loudly. And “but you work somewhere where you have to talk a lot!”

AIBU to think that most people should realise that not every single person on the planet who has hearing issues is 100%, profoundly deaf?

I think historically "deaf" meant "no hearing, or a tiny, tiny amount of hearing", otherwise someone would say "Partial hearing loss" or "a bit hard of hearing" which evolved into "Hearing impaired" but then that wasn't liked as 'impaired' was considered a negative word, and 'deaf' became more all encompassing.

It always takes the 'public at large' longer to catch up with current language, than people with the particular SEN/D you are talking about.

I think most people do realise that not every single person on the planet who has hearing issues is 100%, profoundly deaf? , but just don't necessarily get the right terms.

People aren't psychic, and from your descriptions I think it sounds like they mean well. Patience on both sides is called for, perhaps. :)

I wear my hearing aid specifically for those people with softer or lower range voices which I can't hear well.

You can't tell everyone with a soft voice to give up talking to you, what if they are your boss?!

I think most people's experience of deafness comes from elderly relatives. I have to shout at one of mine as she can't lip read at all.

Drives me up the wall when people shout at me (I have mild hearing loss too), as I'm also autistic, and for me that brings hypersensitivity to loud noises. I've been a lip reader since childhood, but it's difficult to read anyone's lips while being rather efficiently tortured.

People also love to tell me I'd hear better if I took my (noise-cancelling, for hypersensitivity) headphones off. Then they fall over themselves to apologise when I explain that taking them off won't do much to improve my inability to lipread the back of their head (etc). Baffles me no end.

"AIBU to think that most people should realise that not every single person on the planet who has hearing issues is 100%, profoundly deaf?"

Most people realise but don't care because it has no bearing on them.

Do you know about the different diabetes?

Do you know about the three types of ADHD?

How au fait are you with protanomaly, deuteranomaly and tritanomaly and do you do your best to help people with these issues?

I have partial hearing loss on my left ear. My right ear is fine. People do not need to start bellowing at me.

I think we need to learn to use our hearing aids more, all the time - it’s very difficult as it means learning to shut all the unnecessary amplification out-the background noises which can make your head hurt when you have hearing aids in. But it is worth it in the long run.

Everyone hears only part of what is said - people with a degree of deafness have to work so much harder to make sense of the sounds they hear - without thinking, shoving in the various options possible for sounds we hear to turn them into words which makes sense in the context. How many times do you ‘hear’ but it takes a few more seconds because you’re madly trying to predict what it was you heard from the bit you heard and the mouth shapes and the context? Who can hear punchlines - those bits you simply can’t predict 99% of the time? I know I can’t. It is exhausting.

We are at higher risk of Alzheimer’s when we use our brain power just to hear instead of remember though. We are at higher risk of social isolation. We can become depressed. We do have to press on and wear the hearing aids all the time we are awake.

We have to get used to our hearing aids. They are so much better than the early analogue ones I first had but it is still so tempting not to wear them because the world is so crashingly noisy and distorted. But without wearing them, we will eventually lose the ability to hear the sound ranges only available through hearing aid use and it will be too late.

And you are right about the shouts and the mutters, the heads turned the other way and the quick fire garbled retorts - they are the steps and the uneven pavements of our particular disability.

fawkesAgain

What’s with trying to belittle the OP? Do you want to tell her to stop whinging as well?

I get sick to death of people thinking hearing loss is a minor inconvenience.

There was no belittling.

There was not a hint of a suggestion that it's only a mild inconvenience. Where did I say this?

What I did point out is that it has no bearing on most people so they don't think or care about 'levels' of deafness in the same way people know little about diabetes or ADHD or colorblindness until it has an effect on them.

She didn't ask if people felt sympathy etc. She asked if people should understand and realise how deafness has levels. I think she is. Why would they?

OP people aren't psychic.

Even if you grow up around/interact with people with a disability that falls under one umbrella label who have basically the same needs, when someone has different needs then it takes some time to work out exactly what they are.

You say your issues aren't major, but if you have interacted with people who have only hearing loss in one ear, who frequently don't need to lip read and just tell those with "softer" voices to be on a particular side, then by comparison you are.

Also it isn't hard time work out if people have hearing by loss that affects them as people's speech changes even if the loss is unilateral and happened in adulthood.

Btw I should point out I spent some time in early childhood with kids with different levels of bilateral hearing loss only from a teenager and older did I spend time with those with levels of hearing loss in one ear.

If I have problems hearing people I tell them I have hearing loss. Sometimes it's necessary to explain that although they are standing in front of me I can only hear background noise and not what they are saying. Similarly when on the phone in work and I'm speaking to someone ringing in on a mobile, if they are too quiet I say.

Im sure most people are aware there are varying levels of hearing loss.

Knowing how each individual suffers is impossible if you dont tell them. I think its a natural reaction that if you are told someone suffers impaired hearing, you will speak louder, slower and clearer in an attempt to be helpful

I'm with you OP. I lipread. I genuinely struggle to make out what people are saying if they aren't looking at me. Then I get the gasp and "but I've seen you use a phone?!" When I say I'm hard of hearing.

I think you are being a bit U. You don’t want to take action to make your life easier (wear your hearing aid), you don’t want to talk about it or explain your hearing loss - but you expect people to recognise, understand and take action in response to it anyway? Most people don’t have much experience of deafness and it’s a very hidden disability.

I’ve been partially deaf since birth, have had hearing aid of various types since age 7. my deafness definitely does have an impact on my life - like you, I struggle in busy, noisy spaces, I lipread a lot and often find myself in situations / places where I can’t see people well enough to do this. So you know what I do? I wear my hearing aid all the time, even though it’s tiresome and hot and uncomfortable by the end of the day. I speak freely to people about the issues I have. Everyone who knows me, knows that I have a hearing loss - family, friends, colleagues, tutors at uni etc. I explain to people why I need to face them, and why I’m watching their mouths so closely. I’ve never had a negative reaction - people are usually interested and very willing to be helpful e.g. I’ve just come back from a weekend away with my book club: 10 of us talking loudly over the top of each other! So I wore my hearing aid 24/7 and no one minded me taking the seat at the head of the table so I could see them all as well as hear them.

Wearing hearing aids takes practice, you need to stick with it, and it becomes second nature. I couldn’t work or socialise now without mine. Looking back to when I didn’t wear it so much, i recognise that I was isolated and absolutely exhausted with trying to keep up. If you are finding them very hard to adjust to, go back to yr audiologist to discuss the settings / type as maybe the first ones you have aren’t suitable. But as a pp said - you have to persist to get the benefit.

I think all you can do is let people know how best to talk to you.

I’m on the verge of hearing loss, it’s getting harder and harder to hear things properly and is getting to the point of me having to concentrate and listening to key words to string a sentance together. Most of the time it’s only in noisy enviroments and I can lip read have done since I was 11 due to some deaf students in my school.

I agree with @fawkesAgain2.

OP, in RL, when you are fully up to speed with the medical conditions, disabilities and variations of those of all the people you come in to contact with then you can be annoyed that they don't understand yours.

However, there's no harm in having an anonymous whinge about it on here.

Most people realise but don't care because it has no bearing on them.

This is true. When you use crutches people always assume you’ve broken a leg. Or they grasp that you can’t walk but don’t foresee an issue with you being required to stand When you use a wheelchair they assume you’re paralysed from the waist down. Sometimes they also talk to you as though you’re learning disabled Something they tutt at you for being in the way or not moving as fast as an ambulatory person

There are absolutely epic levels of imagination failure out there. You have to foster a sense of humour about it or you’d spend your whole life being obsessed with how idiotic 95% of the population are

OP, in RL, when you are fully up to speed with the medical conditions, disabilities and variations of those of all the people you come in to contact with then you can be annoyed that they don't understand yours.

That’s harsh.

It’s not OP’s daily the lazy assumptions are so widespread.

Daily?! That should be “fault”.

It’s not OP’s fault the lazy assumptions are so widespread.

Of course it isn't. But it's unrealistic to expect everyone to understand every illness or disability and the variations even within the same condition, and how to deal with each scenario.

Is it right to expect someone to understand the nuances of your disability when you don't understand theirs?

Why are they lazy assumptions @Battleax ?

We only learn so much and it tends to be things that interest us or affect us. With a paucity of knowledge we can only make assumptions.

Now, I know BSL. I hope you do too, or are you too lazy?

No but I know who has degrees in deaf studies so I can video call in a tight spot

Why is everyone so aggressive this morning?

lol at the 95% are idiots. Truth though.

As someone with severe/profound hearing loss, it was exhausting trying to keep up with reading people's lips.People think that because you wear hearing aids, your hearing is suddenly perfect again. It isn't.

I've found even after telling people and explaining how to communicate with me, I still get people talking to the back of my head, mumbling, covering their mouth when they talk, talking to me like I'm stupid, shouting, etc.

I've had to be very blunt with a few people about it.

I do wear my hearing aids at work and when I have to talk to people and yes, the world is a very noisy place! It's also nice to turn them off and bye bye screaming kids on the train and noisy world. :)

Recently got some top of the line hearing aids that if someone talks to the back of my head, I can hear them and also a remote microphone for meetings and conferences. They've given me a lot more confidence than my old hearing aids.

Really, people do not give a crap about other's disabilities.

My dh is deaf completely in his left ear. He talks quite loudly sometimes but he can hear perfectly well through his right ear so nobody has to shout for him to hear them, although we went to the nurse once to register at a new doctors and because he’d put on the form he was deaf in left ear she was shouting at him the whole app. He didn’t say anything until the end when she said DO YOU WEAR A HEARING AID!! He said very quietly no because I hear perfectly well with my other ear. She probably felt stupid.

Anyway, I get what you’re saying though people often look at my dh like he a looney when he’s talking loud and I have to tell him he’s being too loud. Other than that no issues