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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My bloody step son!

41 replies

dotty12345 · 10/06/2018 23:48

My step son aged 20 moved in with us in Feb this year. I’d only met him a few times cos though my partner split up with their mother 3 years ago (due to her numerous affairs) their grown up children weren’t told and didn’t actually speak to him for six months. They still believe what she told them that she just didn’t love their dad and wished she’d left him 10 years ago. He won’t tell them any different. Anyhow I gave up my sewing room for him (no problem at all, totally understand) however since he’s been here he’s washed clothes 3 times (when really forced) His room is a shit tip and I mean a shit tip with filthy clothes all over the floor, dirty pots and though he’s been constantly told not to smoke in the house he ignores and smokes in his room which due to space still has some of my furniture in. He has his own loo which is constantly filthy. He has no job and doesn’t sign on. And won’t! He proper pissed me off on Friday by saying no one ever does anything for him and I pointed out he lives here rent free with as much food as he wants, Internet, water, gas, electric. The straw that broke the camels back- his dad asked him to clean his room today 5 times, he tidied but didn’t hoover or clean the bathroom. I’ve bloody had it and told him I’ll get him up at 7 in the morning, switch the Internet off and he will do it. He said you can fuck right off!! His dad knows what I’m going to do and is fine (not sure how fine though as we have argued in the past!) AUBU to carry out what I’ve said I will do? For context my 16 year old lives here and I would never let him behave like this.

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 10/06/2018 23:50

Whose house is it?
Are you married?
Chuck him out.

Blink1982 · 10/06/2018 23:51

Do it.

NeverTell9871 · 10/06/2018 23:52

He's just lazy.
I've seen a trick posted on here before now (and bare in mind this is for children, not 20 year olds).... change the WiFi password daily. And don't give him the new password until he has done his jobs! It seems stupid to do it to a 20 year old but as far as I can see the only other option is to kick him to the curb!

dotty12345 · 10/06/2018 23:52

My partners, no and I’d love to. His mum and Nan chucked him out cos they couldn’t deal with him!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 10/06/2018 23:53

He'd be out if he spoke to me like that.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/06/2018 23:53

What a dirty little sod!
Do it OP. Bang a wooden spoon against a saucepan for good measure Grin seriously though your OH needs to have words.

dotty12345 · 10/06/2018 23:53

He’d be out if it was up to me!

OP posts:
FASH84 · 10/06/2018 23:53

Why isn't his dad telling him to do this stuff? It shouldn't all fall to you. At 20 be should be clearing up after himself, counting himself very lucky he has his own bathroom and cleaning it and he should be working, even if he's studying he should have a part time job. He should then either be paying a small amount of keep and saving for his future, or not pusyhing and saving more (this is a family decision to make). In an ideal world he'd also be helping around the house too. There will be a woman on here in a few years complaining about her lazy , selfish partner, and it will be him.

musicposy · 10/06/2018 23:54

Do it. Or kick him out. Why should he live under different rules to your son?

Singlenotsingle · 10/06/2018 23:55

Go ahead and do it, then pack him off to the Jobcentre

pilotswife · 10/06/2018 23:55

20 !!! I think you have been overly hospitable and generous. I couldn’t stand having someone like that in my house all day. No excuse for a filthy toilet / clothes / room - that’s so disrespectful. The smoking and being told to F off would be a deal breaker for me. He needs to move out and experience the real world.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 10/06/2018 23:57

" He said you can fuck right off!! "

well then you should ask him to leave. This is not acceptable.
In fact if your partner doesn't ask him to leave, perhaps you should kick the lot of them out.
Pathetic.
And you shouldn't have to be dealing with this, his father should.

dotty12345 · 11/06/2018 00:05

It’s my partners house not mine. I feel his dad is out of his depth (not good!)! I have told both of them tonight that I won’t put up with this! My son is away at my cousins this week so want to try sort this while he’s away.

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 11/06/2018 00:09

frankly, if you are living there as family, then it is your house as well. Otherwise your BF isn't really being a 'partner' is he?
Anyway nobody should have to tolerate being told to 'fuck right off' in the house that they run.
If your 'partner' thinks that this is OK, then perhaps you should look for somewhere else to live for yourself and your own child.

GreenTulips · 11/06/2018 00:12

Well what are you doing for him?

Whatever it is - stop doing it

Meals washing etc should cease so he has to do this himself

Rhiannon13 · 11/06/2018 00:17

Tell his father to chuck him out. He's far too old for that crap. Time to make his own way in the world.

Puffycat · 11/06/2018 00:18

20?! This is a royal piss take!
Ok so it’s DH house and DH DS so tell him to deal with it!
He actually told you to fuck off, in your own home when you are doing him a major favour.
He’s got to go

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/06/2018 00:19

Change your Wi-Fi password now. Go on your providers website and it will tell you how, really easy and really quick. If you want a double whammy you can change your network name too, may I suggest "Get A Fucking Job"?

SpareASquare · 11/06/2018 00:23

So this is your boyfriends son rather than your 'step son'? In your boyfriends house?

Surely this is your boyfriends issue to deal with. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to put up with that behaviour either but, really, it's not your circus.
If your boyfriend isn't doing anything about it, I'd seriously be looking at the kind of man HE is and questioning whether I'm prepared to accept that.

PeapodBurgundy · 11/06/2018 00:54

Nothing constructive to add, but Flowers for you OP. I hope you get something sorted, because his behaviour sounds disgusting!

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 11/06/2018 01:06

You have a DP issue rather than a DSS issue. How long have you lived there?

TheFrendo · 11/06/2018 01:37

If he said 'you can fuck right off' then he can fuck right off.

What does your H think about this?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/06/2018 01:53

I would be telling your husband that if he doesn't grow a pair and kick his son out, it will be YOU who is walking out the door.

CristalTipps · 11/06/2018 10:50

Maybe just move your furniture out and store it somewhere else, and then leave him to fester? And hide any food treats you don't want him taking. It's your partners home and his son, don't take all this stress on yourself. And don't let your partner let you steer this. It's his issue.

Suebnm · 11/06/2018 10:58

You might think I'm being pedantic here but he isn't your step son, he's your boyfriends son and he needs to deal with it. It sounds as though your boyfriend is happy with his sons behaviour and is paying lip service to you - you need to think about whether you're prepared to live like this.

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