To find the constantness of DC overwhelming?

[CurryAndWineMakesAPerfectNight]

I'll start off by saying I have a lot of health issues at the moment and it's generally only when I'm struggling with my health I feel this way.

I love DSD to bits. But when she's here, DP and I barely get a minute alone during the whole day. If we're doing housework she wants to help, if we're just chilling she's chatting away or wanting to play or talk the whole way through a film. DP also struggles with his health (he has fibromyalgia amongst other things) so generally speaking by the time one of us has put DSD to bed he's totally flopped and not very good company as he's just so exhausted.

I find the constantness very overwhelming at times. I feel like a total bitch though. Because honestly, I think it's fantastic she wants to help with housework and it's amazing how much she's talking now (she's been seeing a SALT for years) but sometimes I'd just like 2 mins alone with DP when I feel like total shit physically.

She's not here all the time so we do get alone time. But I think in my mind I extrapolate and that's when I get overwhelmed. Because I think gosh what happens if one day she ended up coming to live with us permanently or if DP and I had DC together, would we just never get 2 mins alone?

AIBU to find it all a bit overwhelming at times? Is this normal even with your own DC?

YANBU. I find it overwhelming often and I have no health problems.

I have 2 small DC and yes it is utterly overwhelming. They are 3 & 1, the 1yo has bags of energy and no sense of risk, the 3yo doesn't shut up but has very disordered speech so it takes full concentration to figure out what she's saying, DS wakes at.6am and DD doesn't nap and goes to sleep around 9pm.

Often when I get DD to sleep I just sit there in silence.

I have 2 children and can absolutely relate to this. It's exhausting, and drives me to tears some days. They aren't doing anything wrong, they're just there

Hope you don't get a hard time with being a step parent OP, I I find my own exhausting I can't imagine how it feels to have someone else's child always around!

I think thats totally normal! It does ease off quite rapidly. Anyone to babysit for even just van hour together?

It is overwhelming. I don't have DC but my ex had three and my God it was hard work!

They do spend more time without you as they get older but I do thing small children are very needy and it is really relentless. They want to talk and be with you and need constant interaction. We had my niece over today and she needed constant supervision and attention - I was shattered and she was only here four hours! She's eight years old.

You sound completely self absorbed OP. Don't you think your dsd would love to have the opportunity for some 'alone' time with her dad without YOU constantly there?

YABU. How do you think her mum feels the rest of the time your “dp” doesn’t have her. I’m guessing it’s like every other weekend.
Get a hobby and give your DsD and her father sometime alone.

Yanbu in the slightest!! I’ve only got one but bloody hell some times I really wish he’d just sit glued to the telly for 20 minutes.

He’s 15 months and follows me everywhere, is curious about everything I do, gabbles away constantly and feels the need to touch/poke/fiddle with essentially everything in his reach. Love him to bits but having to be mentally “on” from 6:30am to 7:30 pm is exhausting.

Don't you think your dsd would love to have the opportunity for some 'alone' time with her dad without YOU constantly there?

@Pebbles789 she absolutely does get alone time with her Dad, quite a bit actually. But my point was the lack of alone time with DP rather than on my own (which is usually spent crashed out upstairs when I'm unwell).

I hear you op. Mine are 4 and 6 and it's not quite constant but some days it is. They want my attention more or less all the time and I try so hard to be patient and also gently encourage them to play together or alone. Dd 6 has ASD so her emotional maturity is more like a 3-4 year old and she needs a lot of reassurance. I don't have any health problems but I find it draining! I think that's just part of parenting young kids. And an only doesn't have anyone to play with so not much you can do on that front.

How often is she with you?

How old is she? The constant ‘being on’ with little ones is absolutely exhausting without health problems sometimes.

Sometimes when DP comes home, he’ll be in the middle of telling me something and I’ll realise I haven’t listened at all as I’ve just zoned out in that shattered from paying attention all day.

I think that’s just what parents of young children feel like!

I have two kids and I find them overwhelming and before kids I found my nieces and nephews overwhelming. However I also love kids, made excuses to see my nieces and nephews whenever I could and couldn't wait to have my own. It's fine to love kids and also find them overwhelming! They are!

You love your DSD to bits and you are also allowed to find it overwhelming especially with a health issue. I also think it can be hard if you are an introvert.

Having children is overwhelming. Mine will play by themselves for a bit but they still need a lot of attention. I’m a lone parent and I am knackered today because my 6 year old woke me up at 5 (not her fault - i’d forgotten her blackout blind and the early sun meant she thought it was wake-up time). Your DSD probably also misses her dad and wants to spend time with him.

same here but without the option to hand them over ;)

YANBU. The thing that surprised me most about parenthood was the sheer relentlessness of it. It's offset because I love DD (18m) more than I thought possible (and we're going to have DC2 soon), but we end up going to bed by 9pm every night from exhaustion! I go to work for downtime

But my point was the lack of alone time with Dp

I knew what you meant Curry. You want alone time with your dp, but you do manage to get 'alone' time when you're dsd isn't there, and I imagine you get quite a great deal more time alone with your dp than your dsd does with her dad.

Yannick.Relentless is the word I used.I went back to part time work when she was7months ,not entirely voluntary but it made such a difference to the way I spent time with her.
So yes it can be the same with your own DC's.Maybe a little different as you have them from day one but a few years in and here you are .

Yes it’s relentless. I’ve found moments of peace when they have friends to play with or learn to read to themselves.

But it is overwhelming and relentless !

I do sympathise OP but you get plenty of alone time with your partner, just not when his daughter is around.

If you're struggling with that two days a fortnight (or however often she's there) how would you cope with your own children?

You don't say how old she is. The older she gets the more she should be able to entertain herself.

Try not to worry about what has not happened yet and make the most of the time when she is not with you.

I do agree that young children can be quite demanding but they grow quite quickly.

It does get better as they get older. But if you're struggling with her then adding more kids may not be the best idea.

I do hear you but I'm finding it a little bit difficult to sympathise because:
(A) I have 3 and you have 1 (and I do all bedtimes etc because dh is a bit rubbish - that's for another thread)
(B) you talk of the "constantness" but if I've understood correctly you don't have her constantly.

I know it must feel hard, but I'm just offering some perspective. If you find it hard with a child that's not always with you imagine what it's like for people who have their children all the time.

She's 6.

If you're struggling with that two days a fortnight (or however often she's there) how would you cope with your own children?

@adaline that's pretty much what I'm worried about tbh. It's not so much struggling with her as such, more worried about how I'd cope if we added DC together into the mix or if one day in the future she ended up living with us full time.

Do you just get used to it? When do you get alone time with DP when you add your own DC into the mix??

When they’re in bed