That's it really. It may be easier with an exP/H who shoulders some burden financially or has the kids EoW. We cannot have contact due to DV or my kids would go in care immediately.
Everyday I wake up my stomach sinks and thinks 'fuck not again'. I have 4, aged 2 to 14. Gone are the days when I tucked them up at 7 with a dvd on. They stay up until I go to sleep and the baby wakes before me. So they are there every single waking second. I work from home 2 days a week and they are bloody bliss, but, I'm working.
I'm considering going part time just to have some peace, I feel I can't cope.
There's no where to go to get away from them or the responsibility. I get whinging from the older ones and whining from the baby. It's never quiet, the house is always a mess and I'm utterly sick of it.
Parenting is shit.
In a way I regret having the youngest because I was divorced last year and only now can I see the extent of ExH's evil and nastiness. It feels like a sentence until she's at school, that is all I can aim for. All our lives are hard. I'm less patient, they have to put up with the noise of a baby and life just seems graft whenever I'm awake. There's always something wrong with one of them or they're fighting or something is broken. The 2 year old just tantrums and throws things, smears food up the walls. I just think 'fuck this shit'. Everyone else I know on a Friday night has a takeaway or a partner coming home or goes out. I was stuck in the kitchen wet wiping fucking pasta off the floor listening to them all whinging about having to eat salad. Fucking salad.
It's not even like I'd find a partner. There would be no time to spend alone with them as the kids are always around, I've no babysitter.
I have no hobbies.
I know I had them and they have what they need and more and are looked after but had I known this is how it would be then I thought to myself last night, I never would have had any. I know they didn't ask to be born and I do the right things and make the right sounds but some days I just feel nothing except resentment and total horror that this is it for 16 years. Someone said to me earlier that women make things difficult for themselves and I just thought 'yep'. I've fucked up my whole life. I dread weekends and holidays.
I do love them I do but Jesus I can only take so much. AIBU to think single parenthood is just shit.