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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move in with my DParents for a year?

42 replies

Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 10/06/2018 08:41

Title pretty self explanatory
No DC’s as of yet. (Following the struggles we had last year with the pregnancy DP and I are uncertain weather we want to try again or if we would like to adopt/foster)
Anyway DP and I are currently living in rental squalor, shoebox size, damp and falling apart. and my lovely parents (my mother to be exact) have suggested that we go and live at home for a bit, the two of them live with a cat and a dog in a 3 story Victorian townhouse with a loft room too, so there would definitely be room for us! This would allow us to save 70% of our earnings, for about a year. And then either give us the ability to buy the house of our dreams, or buy a roomy flat that would serve us for 5/7 years and definitely would be comfortable for us and a Dc or two and then also get a buy to let. (there’s a massive shortage of private rental properties that allow kids and pets where we live so this would be a good plan imo)

My Aibu is would I be putting them out. Is it U for grown children to move home again?
I would obviously contribute financially and cook and clean etc.

I guess my second question is has anyone done it? What’s it like will it be awful? Any experience shared would help massively

Thanks

OP posts:
KirstenRaymonde · 10/06/2018 08:43

Do it. I know lots of people who have, it makes sense and is probably the only way you’ll be able to buy.

adaline · 10/06/2018 08:44

Is your DP happy to go and live with his in laws for a year? I moved back with my parents after my engagement broke down and while I was grateful for their support and to have a bed - I was really glad to move out again. I was used to complete independence and freedom, and while my parents never stopped me doing anything, having to consider their bedtime and being quiet after a certain tile was quite restrictive and I felt like I couldn't do everything I wanted to do, if that makes sense?

I saved a lot of money and managed to pass my driving test and get a car so it definitely has its uses and I'm glad I did it - but I'm also glad it's over!

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/06/2018 08:45

They have offered so obviously don't mind.
Maybe put ground rules in, offer to cook once/twice a week for everyone but say for the rest of the time you will cook and eat for yourselves and buy own food. Get a TV in your room if possible so you can watch what you want.
This would help reduce the parent role they may try to take. I would struggle with being on someone else schedule RE meals etc.

FASH84 · 10/06/2018 08:48

If it's for a year, there's plenty of space and you get on ok, do it. They've offered which is very kind of them, so it's not putting them out. Do they know you had a tough time with a pregnancy? Seems like they are trying to support you. I know a few people who did this and it worked a treat. I moved back home for two years after graduating which allowed me to buy my first flat but I know others who did it later and moved back in with partners.

CabotCoveMaine · 10/06/2018 08:48

We did this to enable us to buy and it was fine. We did as you suggest, cook and clean and pay our way. It was really exciting that we could finally own our own home!

Negatives were the impact it had on the dynamic with my parents - it did feel like it had reverted a little to being a child with some disagreements! Also I now really value having my own space with DH, which I missed when we were living there.

I’d say go for it, all in it payed off for us and we are very grateful to my parents Smile

seven201 · 10/06/2018 08:54

I couldn't do it, but if you and dp could handle it, then do it.

Orangecake123 · 10/06/2018 08:57

Do it. But offer to pay something and clear up.

I know someone who moved his entire family back in with his mother whilst renting out his own house to make some extra money . Bills have obviously gone up, but he now refuses to pay a penny to help out.

.

Original poster
Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 10/06/2018 09:11

Thanks everyone, DP is up for it.
@orange shocked that friend wouldn’t help out. We Will cook 3 times a week for them. Clean, tend to the garden, pay any extra without a question. But when I was talking through with mum she was explaining that with our food we’d cost less than 50 quid a month for the electricity and gas.
They keep my bedroom radio on all day for their cat, they’re not on a water meter, they got a new heating system about eighteen months ago, and that’s lots cheaper, and the council tax is unchanged. So we were thinking about giving them a couple of hundred each month and buying food? Is that enough do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 10/06/2018 09:12

Without not with our

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 10/06/2018 15:51

That sounds more than enough! Good luck with it!

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/06/2018 15:57

As long as they’re both fully on board then it sounds like a great idea.

Originallymeonly · 10/06/2018 16:00

Set up a regular saver account and transfer the money saved the same day as pay day, to make sure you dont fritter it away.

Battleax · 10/06/2018 16:01

YABU to be thinking about using the privilege they are offering you to get into BTL. Shock

Take the offer, use it to buy a home, good luck to you. But why also use it to (slightly) worsen the market for other struggling renters out there? (Most of whom won’t benefit from The Hotel of Mum and Dad.)

LeighaJ · 10/06/2018 16:06

Sounds like you've talked things over thoroughly and I think lots of people move in temporarily with family to save up for a house in the UK.

Cric · 10/06/2018 16:34

We did it! And now in our lovely house Smile

Original poster
Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 10/06/2018 17:18

@battleax I am aware that the BTL situation is a total ethical conundrum- we are incredibly unsure about the btl, we had thought about it because all our friends have struggled to find places to live that allow kids and pets and don’t request a £2000 deposit.

If we were to do this, we would ourselves probably be in a tenement flat in an area of town with a drug and deprivation problem, and have another 2 bed in the same area. (Flats here range from 90-115k ) and we would either rent to sil or our friends who are really struggling, and we would charge them a basic rent / so we wouldn’t be making an insane amount or anything.

what I would really like though is to be able to afford a house of my own, near my parents with a garden.
I have never had a garden, even as a child and to get a small 2 bed with a garden here we are looking at about 225. I just feel like it seems unfair for us to get a lovely house when we’ve had help and watch our Friends live in the same kind of shit pits we are in now when we’ve got lucky with my mum and dad?

What should I do?

OP posts:
Clairetree1 · 10/06/2018 17:20

go and live with your parents. I know more young people who do this now, than I know young people who don't. Its become the norm

Original poster
Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 10/06/2018 18:05

Thank you all so much. Can I ask what you’d do re- buying a small 2 bed house for us (likely ex council, with ok garden!) or buying two little flats and renting one two a friend /family member to provide them with more security than they have renting?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 10/06/2018 18:13

What would it cost you to move?

So buy 2 flats then have to sell both to buy a bigger place?

Or buy a small house and look to live to a bigger one should you need to later?

Which option would give you a bigger return in the long run.

It's great to help out friends but look out for yourself first renting to friend or relatives can be tricky

user1493413286 · 10/06/2018 18:14

We did it for a few months; it was quite hard not being able to do what we wanted but the money was worth it.
We had an agreement that we didn’t necessarily have to eat together each might and if we wanted something different or to eat earlier/later due to wanting to go out, go to gym etc.
If you could use one of the spare rooms as your lounge that would be even better as we spent a lot of time in our room.
We also noticed that we went out a bit more to get time together but even with that we saved loads. I think it’s good to have a firm end date so that you all can focus on that if it gets tough.
Make some agreements about cleaning and washing etc as that can easily cause issues

muffinthepuffin · 10/06/2018 18:25

A good pal of mine has moved in with his in-laws but just ends up spending more as his disposable income is so much higher... so definitely sort a standing order to (untouchable) savings on payday to eliminate the temptation!

trojanpony · 10/06/2018 18:32

100% do it, but have a clear “exit plan” so you aren’t hanging about indefinitely

Me personally, I’d go for the dream house but you should do what’s right for you.

retainertrainer · 10/06/2018 18:35

That’s a no brainer. Go for it!

Magstermay · 10/06/2018 18:45

As others have said I would do it if you can cope!

As for what to buy, it’s great to help your friends out but in the circumstances you describe I would go for the house you want. If you could afford the dream house plus a flat I’d go for it, but there are too many uncertainties around renting to friends (what if they don’t want it/ end up causing damage?) and it’s likely to cost you to do so in the long run with stamp duty etc if you don’t charge full rent.

If you rented to a friend and they suddenly got a large inheritance would they help you out?!

Moleskinediary · 10/06/2018 18:52

and then also get a buy to let

Since the recent changes all buy to let income is taxable, so unlikely to break even - you would possibly make money if house prices went up. If you are a higher rate tax payer then it will affect you even more