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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you witnessed someone being attacked, would you try and help?

113 replies

Frosty66612 · 09/06/2018 08:43

Saw an old documentary last night about Lee Rigby and the people who stepped in to try and help him during the attack.
It got me thinking if I would be brave enough to do anything If I witnessed such a brutal attack that had weapons involved. I honestly don’t know if I would though as i’d be so terrified :-(
Would you try and help?

OP posts:
Tit4TatandAllThat · 09/06/2018 09:47

There was an incident on our road last week. Dh and I were putting the dc to bed. I heard it and told him he needed to go help.

I thought I was brave offering dh's help Wink

But in seriousness you can't know until you're in it and I do hope I'm not ever faced with making that decision.

BackByDopeDemand · 09/06/2018 09:47

I have done it, yes. Instinct just kicked in. I witnessed a ‘driveby’ (on a normal bike) mugging and stabbing some years ago.

It happened so quickly Ididnt even think, really. I was pushing my toddler home from nursery in his buggy with my sister and saw a bike in front of me slow down, appear to push a woman over and grab her bag. I left the buggy with my sister and chased the bike, managed to grab hold of his jacket but but he kicked me and thencycked off very fast and got away.

Went back to the woman and he had actually stabbed her in the back Shock. Called police and ambulance and we stayed with her while they came. Extremely distressing as she lost consciousness and was bleeding heavily. Turned out he had punctured her lung and she was lucky to live.

I may not have chased the scumbag if I had known he had a knife. But it was a split second decision.

Racecardriver · 09/06/2018 09:48

I would help by calling for police unless a child was involved in which case I would fight tooth and nail to get the child to safety.

Murane · 09/06/2018 09:48

Nope, not a chance. I put myself and my family above the welfare of strangers. I'd only wade in if it was my family member being attacked or if it was little kids fighting. I would call the police though.

SofieMonde · 09/06/2018 09:51

When at uni we heard a fight outside our house. it was closing time and and there was a lot of noise more than usual. Then we heard screams and peeked out behind the curtains, lights off. We saw someone getting his head kicked in with people stood around some egging them on others trying to stop it. We were scared stiff as it was literally a few meters from the window and thought they could see us but they were too engrossed in the fight. Anyway, eventually an ambulance came and then next day we found out the guy had a double skull fracture.
The house was in a bad area of the town known for being dodgy, and so that is where students ended up. Not much we could have done if we had gone outside, except maybe got beaten up ourselves. Anyway, people were already calling the ambulance.
You really cannot say how you will react. Some people freeze, others rush in to help.

bluerunningshoes · 09/06/2018 09:51

depends if I can safely intervene.
sometimes distracting the attacker is enough (loud shouting), hinking horn etc)

yerbutnobut · 09/06/2018 09:53

I have but certainly not as serious as the situation OP had mentioned.
About to get off a bus after work, as my stop came into view i could see a group of teen lads beating another on the ground, shouting and really laying into him, soon as i stepped off bus I didn't even think about it, I Shouted at them to leave him alone and went over, one started to answer me back so I told him to move it and helped the lad up.
DH once intervened when we were on a night out years ago, came out of a club and a guy had hold of a woman, she was screaming bent forwards, as my DH went over to stop it, the woman turned on my DH and started hitting him!
We walked away to the sound of her still screaming and sirens, someone beat us to it calling the police.

robotcartrainhat · 09/06/2018 09:53

When I was walking home from work one night a young student girl was attacked a few feet in front of me. By a group of young men with a baseball bat who just jumped out of a car.
Was really horrific and I just froze and the screamed.
Was quite ashamed at the time that I did not immediately run to her assistance... I was just frozen for a few mins screaming and then I rang the police on my mobile and went up to her when they had run off and stayed with her till the ambulance came. Spoke to the ambulance people on the phone about what position to put her in etc

My DP said I would not have been able to help against a group of men with a weapon anyway and I would have just recieved the same beating but I honestly felt terrible because I always thought id have reacted quicker than I did do in that kind of situation....

Some men came running out of a nearby house when they heard our screams and chased after the young men who had attacked her. And they actually ended up catching one of them and holding on to him until the police got there!
They were very brave... but to be fair they were large strong men.

SofieMonde · 09/06/2018 09:54

Have also heard a two separate incidents of men beating their partners, one in the next flat the other in the next room at a backpackers. The one in the flat freaked me out I just ran outside. It was in another country and I wasnt sure who to really call. The other at the backpackers woke up everyone in the room and we all decided just to stay in bed. it turned out it was a friend of the backpacker owner who had come back drunk and fought with his wife. Awkward silence the next morning, the owner explained that the police had caught him eventually as he had fled. Glad to have moved on the the next place after that.

snewname · 09/06/2018 09:56

I would have said I was a scaredy cat who would call the police and keep a safe distance away, however I surprised myself by stepping inbetween an aggressive man going for a colleague recently. It was just instinct.

SpringSnowdrop · 09/06/2018 09:57

I only had a situation where I felt big enough so wasn’t scared- I was in India and a smallish man was literally stabbing his wife (who was terrified) in a train station and I was a strong 18 year old and just grabbed him while my friend fetched help. He was so shocked I stepped in I never felt in danger. The worst bit though was once they realised she was his wife they just did nothing . As a more mature adult now I would have tried to help her leave him and often wonder what became of her life

SciFiFan2015 · 09/06/2018 10:03

I have frequently. My training kicks in. I take charge of the situation and start telling other people what to do. I had to help a neighbour who was attacked a few years ago...I pushed him and my 6'4" DH out of the way so that I could handle the attacker!
I find if someone stops to help, in any situation, more people will stop to help

Partly memories make me get involved. I have vague memories of crying over my mum (I'd have been 4 or 5) as she had a seizure (epilepsy) and crowds and crowds of people just walking past. Horrible.

Then as a teenager some friends and I were attacked in a shopping centre again people just walked past.

So I never walk past. Ever.

ParisUSM · 09/06/2018 10:04

Not if there was a knife or other weapon I don't think, but you never know until you're in that situation. I've been in a road accident where people died and I know that in that situation you become incredibly selfish and are only interested in your own survival.

DextroDependant · 09/06/2018 10:04

I would phone the police and make a lot of noise, shouting and yelling them I had called the police.

A few years ago a young mum in the next town tried to intervene and was killed. I couldn't do that to My kids.

But having said that who knows what would happen if adrenaline kicked in.

A few teens were being racially abusive to a bus driver and I told them what for.

hmcAsWas · 09/06/2018 10:04

This is conjecture because I haven't been there and you can never really truly know.

I would call the police, make a loud noise (scream / car horn etc) and probably shout something from a safe distance about the police being on their way and that I am recording the incident ….I don't think I would physically intervene if I was on my own or with dh though. I would like to think that if there were a number of bystanders around I could persuade a few of them (they would have to look physically capable) to join me in trying to repel an attack- those are probably the only circumstances in which I would directly intervene; as part of a group of at least 3 or 4.

Just page 1 of this thread alone 3 posters relate instances of when they were badly hurt intervening

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 09/06/2018 10:06

When I was about 16 I ended up getting very drunk and lost my friends on a night out. I was lying in an alleyway being violently sick and going in and out of consciousness. A group of much older men walked past and just laughed at me and carried on walking. I’d like to think i’d definitely help in a scenario like that and try and get them home safely or call an ambulance

OP posts:
Puremince · 09/06/2018 10:06

I stepped into an argument between two young men because I thought I recognised one as the older brother of one of DDs friends. By the time I realised I was wrong, I was committed to intervening. One of them claimed the other had a knife but I didn't see it. They both backed down. As I walked away a man who was watching from a safe distance told me that I was mad to have got involved. It was just instinct, I thought "that's X and he's in trouble" and I didn't think beyond that.

hmcAsWas · 09/06/2018 10:07

I have stopped to help when no violence was involved though - grandparents dropping off dc at primary school, the gf collapsed (heart attack)

ParisUSM · 09/06/2018 10:10

Actually having thought about it, I think me doing anything would be pointless. I tried to break up a fight between teenagers once and really just ended up holding onto one guy's arm while he punched the other. At 7 stone 10, I'm unlikely to be able to overpower anyone! I'm very lucky to live in Glasgow where it is impossible for anything to happen without a crowd of people becoming involved.

dadshere · 09/06/2018 10:15

My dh intervened in a domestic incident with a man beating his partner bloody. It was messy and when the police arrived they both claimed dh attacked them both, including the injuries on the wife. They tried to charge him with affray. Now it is walk-away, walk-away.

hmcAsWas · 09/06/2018 10:15

I shall be recommending Glasgow uni to my dc then Paris if they are more likely to be helped in violent situations

Lethaldrizzle · 09/06/2018 10:17

I would always help if I could.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 09/06/2018 10:19

Amazing bravery. I’m not sure I could. I’d like to think so but, where weapons are involved, I don’t know.

ParisUSM · 09/06/2018 10:19

@hmcAsWas, people here just like getting involved, haha. I remember a tourist with a map saying she'd just like to use her map once as every time she took it out someone would come over to help her find where she wanted to go.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 09/06/2018 10:21

@Frosty, that’s awful. Truly awful. I fear for young people today who drink too much and are so very vulnerable.

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