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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you witnessed someone being attacked, would you try and help?

113 replies

Frosty66612 · 09/06/2018 08:43

Saw an old documentary last night about Lee Rigby and the people who stepped in to try and help him during the attack.
It got me thinking if I would be brave enough to do anything If I witnessed such a brutal attack that had weapons involved. I honestly don’t know if I would though as i’d be so terrified :-(
Would you try and help?

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 09/06/2018 09:15

I would call the police, but I'm not physically strong at all, so wouldn't be much use in a fight and I can't see the point in playing the hero. The police are trained to deal with this kind of situations, I'm not.

keepingbees · 09/06/2018 09:20

I'm not sure to be honest, I wouldn't just turn a blind eye, I would call police if whatever, but it depends on the situation.
If it were a child in difficulties then yes I would. I can't bare the thought of people not helping if it was one of my children.

fourpawswhite · 09/06/2018 09:20

Yes I have done and I would do again. Man was brutally attached and glassed outside a pub. Rural area and I saw who did it. I stayed with the victim until the ambulance came, there was a long delay. It was frightening and adrenaline certainly took over.

I was upset at the number of people wHo walked away. Particularly because I was fairly young, and a lot of the older locals suggested I didn't get involved and just went home.

NukaColaGirl · 09/06/2018 09:21

I have, several times.

When DSis violent Ex had broken into the house and was attacking her whilst my 2 year old nephew was in full and he was screaming - maternal instinct took over and somehow managed to him, who was twice my size, off her, but I was badly injured by him. Don’t regret it for a second. He almost killed her.

When a male friend was randomly jumped by a gang of blokes in a club. Got a broken nose for that one.

When a bloke was battering his girlfriend down my street. Got out of the car and intervened, only for her to scream at me for it.

I didn’t have my children with my any of those times though. It would probably be different if I had.

AlicesRabbitHole · 09/06/2018 09:21

I like to think I would but the research on Bystander Effect demonstrates there are many variables that mean we might not.

gamerwidow · 09/06/2018 09:23

I don’t think I would I think I’m much more likely to freeze in fear. I hope I would but I don’t think I’ve got it in me. I would phone the police and stick around to help after the event but I’m not sure I could wade into a violent situation.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 09/06/2018 09:23

I don’t think I’d physically step in as I know I’d probably get hurt.

But I always ALWAYS ring the police and stay close until they arrive. A few times I’ve done that and ended up trailing behind or watching from round a corner while still on the phone to the police to keep them updated on the location. I think it’s better all round to bring the police into it than wade in and possibly inflame the situation, unless you’re a person who is confident they can fight and don’t mind getting hurt in the process.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/06/2018 09:25

I don’t think you can know until you are in the situation.

A few months ago. I was walking with my children and there was a car crawling along really slowly. Suddenly the driver pushed a woman(presumably his girlfriend?) out and he started throwing her stuff out of the window and shouting at her while she cried on the pavement. I asked her if she was ok and wanted to walk along with us but she declined and a bit down the road the car stopped and she got back in. I wish she had walked with me, I bet he is a violent prick.

Should1stayorshould1go · 09/06/2018 09:25

Im a run in person. I figure if one person does it it emboldens other bystanders and they are more likely to join in. Also, Im a medic with emergency training, getting involved is my job, so I will always stop at a car accident etc, because I am used to dealing with stuff like that and being part of an emergency team

A good friend (also a medic) and I witnessed a young guy getting beaten up, saw him be kicked in the head so hard the kickers shoe came off. Both of us ran across the road (mercifully no traffic) screaming at the attackers, which attracted a lot of notice and a couple of bouncers and other people came and joined us, so the attackers ran away
I have stopped a few other incidents by a shout at the right time, and if I hear a scream will always go to the window or out and check, usually its just high jinks but we have called the police for attacks etc
Not sure what I would do if I was on my own with the kids though.

Athenajm80 · 09/06/2018 09:25

I have often intervened in fights to break it up. I did lean over a guy's head once as some idiots had him on the floor and were kicking him in the head. I told them that they'd have to go through me to carry on, luckily they didn't.
I have always detested fighting, and have intervened in fights since I first started going out to pubs and clubs. A few years after uni a friend was beaten to death on Clapham Common and only one person tried to stop it. It's made me even more likely to try to break up a fight, although thankfully I haven't been put in the position of seeing a fight with weapons. I hope I'd still intervene (safely)

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/06/2018 09:26

I have. But not by physically intervening, I stayed close by and yelled at the attacker. It drew plenty attention and the attack stopped.

BlooperReel · 09/06/2018 09:27

Yes and I have done on a few occasions. One where a 13 year old boy was being jumped by about 7 older teens, so I waded in dragged him out and gave a few kicks and slaps as i did so, shouting my head off. Took him home with me and called his mum.

Another where a girls was being verbally harassed on a train and looked terrified so I shouted at the man to fuck off her leave her alone and sat with her til he got off.

DH always tells me off and says I will get my head kicked in one day but I get very angry when I see someone being bullied.

The lee rugby scenario is extreme and I honestly don’t know how I would react.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 09/06/2018 09:27

I was upset at the number of people wHo walked away.

I’ve had this happen many times if I’ve stopped to see if someone is okay when they’re lying in the middle of the road unconscious. Often you can see other people peering out of their windows or doors, nobody bothering to make a move, then when they see you approach they think ‘oh someone’s sorting it’ and retreat back in. One memorable occasion being when I was about 22, on my own at midnight, stopping to check on a man face down in the road, turned out to be so drunk or drugged he could barely walk, so I helped him find his wallet and his address and let him lean on me to get him home. It was amazing the number of older men and women who saw a youngish woman approach an incapacitated man at midnight and didn’t bother to offer help or backup or even to keep an eye on the situation.

By and large I’d say people are mostly selfish with these things and as long as they’re alright they don’t give a shit about anyone else.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 09/06/2018 09:27

When I worked in a shop I was on my way home and saw a recent customer getting beaten up by a group of lads, pulled my car over close by and told him to get in. Took him home - both shaking!!

Spaghettijumper · 09/06/2018 09:29

Stepping in is usually a very bad idea.

If someone is being attacked you should get yourself to a safe distance, call the police, then make a huge racket (bang things, blow a horn, shout) to distract the attackers. They'll have high adrenaline and loud noises will at least sap some of their energy, if not scare them away. It's surprisingly defective.

If you can't do that, you should stay at a safe distance and write down everything you see - height and appearance of attackers, nature of the attack, anything said, so you can at least be an excellent witness.

rollingonariver · 09/06/2018 09:33

Personally I don't think I would (I'd like to think I would but I'm a wuss.) I would 100% call the police though.
My DP waded in when a man was hitting his gf at the train station, it was real nasty and honestly I think he made the man more angry. It was so sad the gf didn't press charges, if he does that in public i dread to think what he'd do in private Sad

cindersrella · 09/06/2018 09:35

I think I would try and distract.. shouting but also try and make myself as safe as possible whilst trying to call the police!

WickedLazy · 09/06/2018 09:36

A few years ago I got a punch to the face and a bad bite to the arm, pulling one woman of another (she was 10 years younger and kicking her, when I was a teen I got my head kicked in by a group of about 5, intervening when the ringleader was punching my mate (who froze and just stood there), thank god a woman in a car pulled up and shouted/scared them off. Rang 999 and gave a witness statement about 2 years ago, when two guys started attacking the guy behind the counter in a local fast food place late one night (that was racially motivated, I got mouthy with them when they started verbally abusing the guy, but when it got physical I ran out and rang the police).

I find it hard not to intervene. Those guys that killed Lee Rigby had a machette though, so I don't know what I'd have done in that scenario. I'm sure it all happened really quick too Sad

WickedLazy · 09/06/2018 09:37

*kicking her).

firehousedog · 09/06/2018 09:37

Honestly, in that Lee Rigby situation, no. I have a fear of knives. I would be very distraught if i witnessed it though. How can you ever get over seeing someone being butchered like that Sad

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 09/06/2018 09:38

The footage of a woman wandering slowly past the Lee Rigby crime scene with her shopping whilst one of the attackers was standing there with a meat cleaver covered in blood are shocking. She must have been in her own little world and not even been aware of what was going on

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 09/06/2018 09:40

I have.
Once I posted about it on here because I was genuinely unsure if I had done the right thing. I concluded that I should have done things different so it was useful

Next door's lodger was having an argument with her boyfriend. It turned really nasty. I went out and told him to leave her alone and he told me to fuck off.
I told him to pack it in or I was calling the police.
He was dragging her along hanging out of the car window.

I did call the police but I really wish I had done that before going out there. I didn't think. I just saw a woman being attacked by a man and lost it a bit. Not a good thing.

If I had called the police and kept an eye on them, intervening only if it was absolutely vital, the police would have appeared and seen him in the act.
They could have arrested the fucker regardless of her wanting them to.

I feel stupid about it to this day.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/06/2018 09:42

Another occasion: I found an elderly man passed out on his doorstep (pissed) - got a passing couple to help me get him into his flat and then called his son for him. Felt better getting a couple to help - needed a guy’s physical strength but also needed to know he was an okay guy, so reckoned a man with his GF was a better bet.

Follyfoot · 09/06/2018 09:43

Yes. A man tried to attack my father with a broken milk bottle. I stepped in front of him.

spidey66 · 09/06/2018 09:44

I'd definitely call the police. Whether I'd intervene directly would depend on the situation. I'd worry about weapons though, I live and work in areas of London where knife and even gun crime are common.