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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm not being anxious in worrying about PIL looking after children?

47 replies

workadurka · 09/06/2018 03:20

DP and I have a special event on tomorrow.

I'd asked PIL to look after our children, they are already looking after their other GC in the same city on the same date. I thought they'd probably just stay at home as easier, kids can play together in garden etc or in local small park.

However they've told me they plan to take all 4 children plus dog to this huge, busy playground in a park with lakes etc and it's making me feel really anxious.

DC2 is a very reckless toddler and will run in front of swings, attempt to run out of the playground area or just walk off without a glance backwards, climb things then try to throw himself off etc. He has a physical issue which means among other things he easily loses balance and falls over a lot, PIL don't take this seriously and frankly don't see him enough to know how it impacts him anyway.

PIL have never looked after him before and have only looked after DC1 out of the house once or twice, but also it's always been on a 2 adults to 1 child ratio and DC1 was a very easy toddler.

They've never looked after all four GC before. And the dog isn't theirs, they are dogsitting (but dog is kid friendly).

AIBU and just being anxious or not?

OP posts:
TheMythicalChicken · 09/06/2018 03:24

No sod that. I could not be comfortable in that situation which would make my day out pointless as I’d be worrying all the time.

Can you splash out and use a babysitting agency and leave them at home?

NerrSnerr · 09/06/2018 03:27

I would worry about this (but my children's grandparents can't cope with looking after one child). You can't tell them to stay indoors though, you know their plans and it's up to you whether you leave your children with them or not.

puglife15 · 09/06/2018 03:33

OK thank you, I'm sometimes a bit anxious but it sounds like others would worry in this situation too.

Can't use a babysitting agency at such short notice I imagine as event is tomorrow late morning/afternoon, and I wouldn't want to leave toddler with a stranger anyway.

I can't reschedule the event. It's for DP's 40th birthday and cost a lot of money, and is non refundable.

puglife15 · 09/06/2018 03:46

Nerr DP says we can ask one of them to stay at home with DC2, we think another relative might be joining PIL to help with looking after the children.

DashingRed · 09/06/2018 03:54

No way, fuck that!

SneakyGremlins · 09/06/2018 04:01

Name change OP?

Do you have reins for the toddler? Or can you acquire some in the morning? I'd be worried too!

BookAtBedtime · 09/06/2018 05:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flumpybear · 09/06/2018 05:34

Get your DH to talk to them and tell them it’ll be too much for them with your toddler needing one to one

SwayingInTime · 09/06/2018 05:36

I think a lot depends on their age, my parents would be fine in that environment alone with as many children but one is the same age as most parents and the other is an experienced primary teacher! But Norbert my pils ever (they wouldn’t suggest it though!). I would suggest the option of them getting help or present them with tickets to soft play (often lovely in nice weather), the cinema and pizza express vouchers when they arrive!

TheMythicalChicken · 09/06/2018 05:40

Can you take the kids with you and hire a babysitter through an agency to look after them at the event?

Raver84 · 09/06/2018 05:53

I wouldn't be happy with that though kids sometimes behave better for other than with you. BUT I wouldn't risk it. Without wanting to add drama a good friend of mine took her eyes of her toddler once when we were out in a huge busy mega park and child went missing for a good few minutes it was one of the most frightening experiences. A small local park would be better in this situation.. I'd tell them your concerns and see if they could stay local.

maras2 · 09/06/2018 06:09

OMG no way. Shock
DH and me are seasoned parents/grandparents to 3 and have regularly ie at least weekly looked after the DGC's in ones.twos and threes but would never attempt this.
Accident waiting to happen.
Especially with a dog.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 09/06/2018 06:10

You already didn't trust your pil 's with understanding his issues. They don't know him that well. Now your complaining about it? Sod the no refund. If you think for a second your child might not be safe you need to do something about It!

Candyflip · 09/06/2018 06:21

I think it will be fine. What happened raver because your story says.. child lost.. panic.. child found. Is that it? Yes scary for a minute, but not actually down to it being a big park.. or grandparents.. just a non-story really.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2018 06:30

Permanently change your username and report your posts asking for a namechange.

Deal breaker x 3 for me.
1 taking on another 2 gcs = distraction even if they’re older and more sensible
2 babysitting the dog and going out with it = distraction, following to pick up poo etc
3 insistence to go to dangerous place

So definitely a no. Unfortunately you’re going to have to suck this up. Good job you found out before you left.

CaptainHarville · 09/06/2018 07:50

I'd not be happy about this at all. I choose my pil and my dad to babysit over my mum because she does similar. Tries to take them all out and she's just not able to keep an eye on them all. I think I would try and talk to them about the issues your son has and ask them to stay home.

goose1964 · 09/06/2018 07:53

there's 2 adults one of them can watch the 2 year old and the other keep an eye on the older kids. Reins are also a good idea

Mookie81 · 09/06/2018 08:03

To be fair you knew they were already looking after other GC when you asked them. You should have found someone else from the start. Even staying at home or a small park I wouldn't want the poor GPs looking after 4 kids!

confusedlittleone · 09/06/2018 08:06

@Mummyoflittledragon the gps had already agreed to look after the other 2 children before the op asked. Were they supposed to say they didn't want to look after the original 2 anymore?

Shednik · 09/06/2018 08:27

I have four dc and two dogs. If I thought that was unsafe I'd never go out!

There are two adults. One can be 1:1 with your dc if necessary. It's a higher ratio than a school trip!

babydreamer1 · 09/06/2018 08:27

I understand what your saying op but what do families with 4 children do? Or single moms with 2 kids? It's still a ratio of 1:2 which is manageable as long as there are rules for the older ones and the little ones are with an adult at all times. The older will help with the little ones too. I think it would be a bit CF to insist the GP stay at home as the other GC were probably looking forward to being taken to the park. I think you either fit in with their plans or find an alternative. They managed to keep your DH alive so they do have experience with children. I'm sure they'll all have a great time being spoilt!

Shednik · 09/06/2018 08:29

I personally think it would be a real shame to deny your dc the lovely day out with grandparents and cousins, unless the grandparents aren't responsible or trustworthy people, in which case I wouldn't be leaving them at all.

Just chat to them and impress upon them that the toddler will need constant supervision 1:1?

Saturdaygap · 09/06/2018 08:34

I've got three smallish dc, and no way would my own parents take all three to the big local playground. They wouldn't want to. It's too hard to keep an eye on them heading off in different directions.

Theusual · 09/06/2018 08:42

I would be worried about your toddler if he is the type to run off.
They might not be aware how much of a risk his behaviour is. Are they mobile enough to run after him?

I did witness a child fall in a lake recently and it happened in a split second.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2018 08:46

Confused
I didn’t understand that from the post. Really no need to email me or the sarcasm. In that case op is silly for expecting this in the first place.

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