AIBU to think I'm not being anxious in worrying about PIL looking after children?

[workadurka]

DP and I have a special event on tomorrow.

I'd asked PIL to look after our children, they are already looking after their other GC in the same city on the same date. I thought they'd probably just stay at home as easier, kids can play together in garden etc or in local small park.

However they've told me they plan to take all 4 children plus dog to this huge, busy playground in a park with lakes etc and it's making me feel really anxious.

DC2 is a very reckless toddler and will run in front of swings, attempt to run out of the playground area or just walk off without a glance backwards, climb things then try to throw himself off etc. He has a physical issue which means among other things he easily loses balance and falls over a lot, PIL don't take this seriously and frankly don't see him enough to know how it impacts him anyway.

PIL have never looked after him before and have only looked after DC1 out of the house once or twice, but also it's always been on a 2 adults to 1 child ratio and DC1 was a very easy toddler.

They've never looked after all four GC before. And the dog isn't theirs, they are dogsitting (but dog is kid friendly).

AIBU and just being anxious or not?

Thanks everyone & sorry about name change fail...

With respect it's very different from someone looking after their own four kids and dog. The parents are used to it, well practised in what works or not and kids are used to each other. And they're a lot younger. PIL are in seventies but fairly fit and with it.

Just asked how they plan to get to the park and they will drive. 2 adults and 4 kids and a dog in a 5 seater car...

I know my inlaws couldn't cope with my children for the day. That's why I don't leave them. If you're worried about your son's safety then you can't leave him. For me it's really that simple.

I understand what your saying op but what do families with 4 children do? Or single moms with 2 kids?

I’ll tell you what I do with my twins when I’m on my own - I stay in! It’s not safe to take them anywhere unless it’s completely enclosed or there’s an extra adult. When they’re older it will be fine but right now it’s impossible.

MIL has offered to watch DC2 one on one.

But I still feel anxious.

I don't think I can go.

Taking them to a park is a non issue tbh
But the illegal driving situation? Absolutely not, not sure why you’re ok with that?!

I appreciate your anxiety but it happens daily all over the world. My in laws used to watch all 4 grandsons at once and all went well-fantastic memories. Not you know your in laws capabilities so you need to decide. I wouldn’t even have given it an extra thought tbh.

I'm not ok with it Pink

Haven't had chance to ask DP about that yet

I appreciate your anxiety but it happens daily all over the world. My in laws used to watch all 4 grandsons at once and all went well-fantastic memories

Your inlaws might be capable of looking after 62 children brilliantly but that doesn't make the OP's inlaws any more capable.

They’ve managed to bring up their own kids and look after the other GC without killing them. They’re actually much more experienced looking after children than you are.

They’ll be fine.

So when they said they were going to drive what did you say?

Well if they only have a 5 seater car they aren’t going to be able to transport 4 kids anyway.

Honestly I think you’re overthinking it. Just say to them (or get your OH to) that as they won’t be able to transport all the kids anyway it would surely be best if they all stayed at home.

I was going to say YWBU until I read they are planning to take 2 adults. 4 children plus a dog in a 5 seater car. That's not safe and is illegal. Every person needs their own seat and the children will need car seats unless any of them are over 12 or the height for a car seat.
So YANBU. Tell them it's not safe for everyone to go in the car

Oh I missed about the car. That’s wrong.

Think dog is going to stay at home now.

I asked them how they were going to get there and was told "it's not far".

Not sure if DP has said anything else to them, so am waiting until we can talk (he's popped out). We've decided not to go to first part of the event but need to leave soon if we're going to go at all.

I feel so shit, this was meant to be his birthday present and I feel like I'm messing it all up.

My in laws used to watch all 4 grandsons at once and all went well-fantastic memories.

This sounds like it happened fairly regularly though? Which again I think makes a difference as they are used to it.

They will be fine. Enjoy your day out.

GP's will manage they love their grandkids if they are finding the park difficult they will cut it short.

They will have a lovely time with grandparents and cousins. Try and relax.

I don't understand why you wouldn't have said a flat out no when they said they planned to drive.

welcomething because it might have caused long-term repercussions... Complicated.

Anyway things have taken a positive turn. The older DC said they didn't want to go to the big park so they aren't going anywhere in the car. I feel a lot happier and DP and I have headed out.

If there were an accident, the long terms repercussions would have been WAY worse.

Hissy I agree. I was going to get my DP to say something.

Although he wasn't bothered by it, it turns out. MIL was going to go in the boot so all the kids would have seats and be strapped in and he was fine with that. He felt it was up to her to take the risk.

I agree to some extent but I imagine having a loose large person (she weighs about 13 stone I'd guess) in the case of an accident could be dangerous too so I wasn't happy.

SORRY epic name change fail, again!

YANBU

There's no way I'd let someone take my 3 year old DD to a big busy park in a group. She runs so fast she needs 1:1 supervision, even then I've lost sight of her a few times.