To object to being spoken to like this?

[Twattymctwattface]

And would you allow them to work for you after this?

Speaking to someone (male) today regarding some works they have been engaged to do at my home. I'm not a delicate flower. I have done a job for many years requiring me to deal with all manner of people and I consider I know how to talk to others and conduct myself.

So, conversation kicks off with him asking if I'm available on a particular date. Then launching into a spiel about how he needs to come and check a schedule of works (that he did!) is right. Which makes no sense, but ok...

Then he snaps at me 'so are you sorting out X task or what? - YOU need to get that sorted'

This is something his firm were meant to be arranging for me, getting samples for me to pick from. I remind him of this and he says it's not possible to get samples (blatant lie) 'so YOU'LL need to sort it yourself right? It's down to you - IF you want the job done'

I politely express surprise and say that's not what I was led to believe or my experience. 'Oh REALLY?...so what's YOUR experience then?' sarky tone.

At this point I said I didn't feel the conversation was very helpful and that we should both speak to the company who engaged him/ his company. After commenting that I obviously wasn't going to tell him my experience was I?(sneery tone) we ended the call.

I later spoke with someone at the other company. Their response was to tell me oh his manners just a bit abrupt.

To me this went a long way beyond abrupt and was outright rude. I really don't want his company doing the work. But if I don't use them I've been told it will be a 4-6 week wait to get someone else in! So I'm over a barrel really and now have no confidence in his firm to do the job to a decent standard.

I'm also annoyed that anyone considers it acceptable to talk like that. It's like when people use the 'oh they just say it how it is' which 9 times out of 10 is just an excuse for complete rudeness.

I highly doubt he would have spoken to a man like that either. So AIBU?

"I highly doubt he would have spoken to a man like that either. "

I wonder if your sexist attitude came across in your conversation.

youngOffenders Tue 12-Jun-18 02:00:34
"I highly doubt he would have spoken to a man like that either. "

I wonder if your sexist attitude came across in your conversation.

Now you're just being silly

Similar to this. We have a new build with lots of snagging. I have had a contractor come round, belittle myself in my own home and generally act like he knows better than me because he’s a male (arse)
I told our customer service that he was not to step foot over my threshold again. Funnily enough that’s meant the company have had to engage a new firm of contractors for our house. Yes it’s taken time for them to do it, but they’ve had to.
I waited rather than give the rude insolent arse any more business and although it took time I am much happier with my end result.
Please wait. Inform them that you will not be spoken to like that, his manner is not abrupt it is rude and he dosenf deserve your money.

It is worth a six to eight week wait to get a company that will do the work probably far better than this dishonest person will.

He gave you a warning and I strongly recommend that you take action on it.

@CheeseyToast

So was the OP.

@ToffeePennie

Why did you belittle yourself?

Do you think that maybe he did know more than you. Not because he's a male but because it was his job?

"I did get a reply (from colleague of the person who said 'oh he's just a bit abrupt)"

I'd just say, "Well, so am I."

I don't have a sexist attitude. I am perfectly able to hold a civil conversation with either gender and remain professional.

Unfortunately I do find some men have a tendency to speak to all women as though we are simpletons. Certainly in the building trade there is too frequently an assumption that women are to be spoken at rather than with. I don't know the intricacies of building work. I wouldn't know how to get the best finish when plastering, how to instal a boiler or repair a roof. But I'm no fool and I know when I am being taken for a mug and that's what this guy was doing. And there was nothing technical in our conversation that (as a lay person) I didn't understand.

Quite possibly he may be the sort of belligerent wankbadger whose unnecessary posturing isn't limited to women but indeed anyone who isn't a fellow builder. I can't say.

What I do feel is sad about is that the main co. are seemingly ĺprepared to excuse his behaviour and apologise for it. It also worried me this was said by a woman. Almost as though she felt she had to accept it iyswim.

Lets hope the next one is less rude (not difficult tbh).

"It also worried me this was said by a woman."

No, I don't swym.

"I don't have a sexist attitude."

You do and it comes across plain as day.

Twatty is right about the building industry. As a sector they are trying to change it, but they have a long way to go.