To object to being spoken to like this?

[Twattymctwattface]

And would you allow them to work for you after this?

Speaking to someone (male) today regarding some works they have been engaged to do at my home. I'm not a delicate flower. I have done a job for many years requiring me to deal with all manner of people and I consider I know how to talk to others and conduct myself.

So, conversation kicks off with him asking if I'm available on a particular date. Then launching into a spiel about how he needs to come and check a schedule of works (that he did!) is right. Which makes no sense, but ok...

Then he snaps at me 'so are you sorting out X task or what? - YOU need to get that sorted'

This is something his firm were meant to be arranging for me, getting samples for me to pick from. I remind him of this and he says it's not possible to get samples (blatant lie) 'so YOU'LL need to sort it yourself right? It's down to you - IF you want the job done'

I politely express surprise and say that's not what I was led to believe or my experience. 'Oh REALLY?...so what's YOUR experience then?' sarky tone.

At this point I said I didn't feel the conversation was very helpful and that we should both speak to the company who engaged him/ his company. After commenting that I obviously wasn't going to tell him my experience was I?(sneery tone) we ended the call.

I later spoke with someone at the other company. Their response was to tell me oh his manners just a bit abrupt.

To me this went a long way beyond abrupt and was outright rude. I really don't want his company doing the work. But if I don't use them I've been told it will be a 4-6 week wait to get someone else in! So I'm over a barrel really and now have no confidence in his firm to do the job to a decent standard.

I'm also annoyed that anyone considers it acceptable to talk like that. It's like when people use the 'oh they just say it how it is' which 9 times out of 10 is just an excuse for complete rudeness.

I highly doubt he would have spoken to a man like that either. So AIBU?

It’s not a kitchen fitter, is it? Just my DH was telling me how his colleague’s dad is not meant to speak to customers anymore due to his rudeness! I mean, duh, make nice when they’re bloody paying you!

I would not have that bully in my home. I’d refuse his services and explain why in explicit detail.

He is one of the directors of his company unbelievably. Rude, rude man.

I will have to escalate with the company who have overall responsibility. I need to go beyond the person who deals with him regularly and thinks he's fine because he really isn't.

Fuck that . I’d rather wait the 4 - 6 weeks than have the joy at a lovely new bit of building sucked out of it every time I looked at it , because I’d be reminded of the rudeness and arrogance that I’d been forced to pay for .

And I wouldn’t be confident after that , that he’d either a) take any pride over it and b ) do it properly . No way would he be getting my hard earned cash .

And if they say “ Oh it’s just the way he is “ , well you know what ? Not employing rude arrogant tosses is just the way you are .

I don't trust his staff to do the job properly. I don't trust him not to stick his oar in if there's a problem.
This all blew up because I was expecting the next phase to start asap and have been chasing his company for a date. They told me it would be 6 weeks from now. I challenged this and they said 2 weeks but it would take 8 weeks from then. Queried again.
This should all have been lined up. They didn't bother and now claim there was no one to start for another fortnight.
Plus he also lied about the samples.

Bottom line is he's shown himself to be rude and untrustworthy. Why on earth would I have him working for me?!

Who on earth recommended this company to you? Surely their previous customers have complained about such rudeness?
I'm fortunate to live in a rural area, where word of mouth and personal recommendation are everything - any tradesman as rude as that would rapidly get a bad reputation and go out of business. But I think even big city firms now can be checked out for reviews online? Maybe do some research before appointing a replacement!

Bollocks to him and his firm.
-Building firm director here.
Is this an insurance job?
If so, keep on at your insurance company and hopefully they’ll get another company in

They were hired by the other company. They are not local to me - same region but different county. I have looked online but oddly for a building company they have absolutely no customer reviews. Possibly this is because they are usually engaged via a 3rd party. It is weird though.

Don't be coerced if they won't do the job you want. He's rude. if you think he's right and you're wrong then accept it. If not then tell him and the intermediary that it isn't working and you need an alternate provider.

He sounds truly awful.

I've worked with lots of tradesmen. People like him just wouldn't get the job. Also, ime, the ones with the bad manner also tend to be bad at their job. It's just not worth all the aggro.

I'd bet the people telling you it'll be a long wait just don't want the inconvenience and it probably won't be as long when it comes to it. Worth the wait to have someone decent anyway.

I would listen to your own instincts.

I'd get someone else no way would I trust them anymore.
YABU to suggest he wouldn't spek to a man like that.
having experience of renovating and modernising many houses, I found that twats were twats to men as well.
My dh has sent plenty packing when they have spoken to him in a similar manner.
Please don't make it coz I'm a woman, for this YABU.

You are giving yourself problems where there is no none.
As the majority of the responders said, get someone else. What started off wrong is harder to correct.
He has shown his true colours, what more do you need.

Another here who would cut my nose off to spite my face. I doubt it will take 4-6 weeks for another plasterer- the company will find someone to do it before then. I would not tolerate his shit- and he’s setting you up by saying you’re not going to be happy anyway- thereby invalidating any complaints you may have with his work. He’s a skilled tradesman, not God. He’s not providing the service with the samples you were led to expect. Tell them you won’t have him in the house and he needs to improve his customer service.

I would wait the 4 to 6 weeks. They need to realise this is not ok and the will lose business by letting their employees speak to people like this.
Surely you can find someone sooner?

So this guy is a subcontractor?

Tell your main contractor - at the most senior level possible - that you will be engaging another company for the whole job if they a. can't provide reliable subbies, b. sort it out within the timeframe.

Tell the company that hired him that you do not want this tosser and that you will wait for someone else. The company probably stated the 4 - 6 week wait to put you off getting another company when in reality if you don't back down and get a new company the waiting time will be less.

I've decided I'm not going to risk carrying on with this guy's company.

If he was just me of their workers I might think differently. But he's a director so has a lot of sway. I think it's less hassle to cut my losses now. Least I won't be worrying about what's going to happen next.

I think you're wise. It could potentially take a lot longer than 6 weeks to sort out any problems that arise from a dodgy subcontractor with no respect for the customer. It sounded to me as though he were trying to intimidate you into doing some of the work for him. Good thing you're made of sterner stuff (aka "difficult" ).

Yes I find difficult is a word that tends to be used when you're anything other than a pushover.

I think I'm going to send a detailed email over the weekend. Thanks to everyone for your helpful comments. I did try to discuss this with my partner but as we don't live together & it's not his house he wasn't very interested.

I think you’ve made the right call.

I would cut my nose off to spite my face.

I’m another one like this. Have done it before and never regretted it.

We really do teach people how to treat us. There’s no way I’m going to give money to someone so obnoxious and whom I cannot trust. And now he’s saying you’re too difficult, ha!! Like I always say, the business would run much better without the customers

You've done the right thing OP, thing is the main contractor will continue using the rude sub contractor until/unless it starts to cause problems for them. If you stick to your guns and insist they find someone else maybe it will start to sink in that this man's behaviour is detrimental to their business. I hope it all moves quicker than you expect and everything turns out well.

Just a quick update I have said I won't have that dickhead and his company doing any more work in my home. I did get a reply (from colleague of the person who said 'oh he's just a bit abrupt) which basically implied I was being stroppy and reminded me it would now take 6 weeks longer. Anyway the new builders are now coming out later this week (becauze we basically have to start the whole process from scratch) so we'll see but at least I'm not still putting up with that idiot or worrying if his staff will do a crap job.

Good for you. Yes it'll take longer but better in the long run. Honestly if he's this much of a dick at this stage, it'll only have gotten worse.
Well done for sticking up for yourself.