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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a cleaner?

37 replies

BlueTrousers · 08/06/2018 10:19

We have 4DC including a crazy toddler and a newborn, and a dog, DP works long hours during the week and every other Sunday too

I struggle to keep on top of the housework already and we’ve just added a third floor to the house and I just know I’m not going to be able to keep up with the extra work
So we’ve been thinking of getting a cleaner in a few hours a week

I mentioned this in passing to a group of people who were all shocked and said they could never have a cleaner as they’d all feel too guilty and one of them actually said “I just think it’s a good Mums job to keep her babies house clean” - basically calling me a bad Mum!

So AIBU to hire a cleaner?
Do people really think like this in real life? I don’t want people to think im copping out of parenting duties

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/06/2018 10:21

Since when have "parenting dutie"included housework. Maybe you could point out that if you have a cleaner you would have more time to parent. Not that's it's anyones business. If you want one and can afford one then get one, stop caring what other people think....plus they are being utterly ridiculous and are probably jealous.

Lethaldrizzle · 08/06/2018 10:24

Of course you should if you can afford it. It's a no brainer

PinkHeart5914 · 08/06/2018 10:25

I’ve got 3 dc under 3 and while me and dh were coping with the cleaning, we just couldn’t be bothered anymore tbh so we have a cleaner she comes twice a week and we just do a quick tidy each night before bed.

Cloudyapples · 08/06/2018 10:29

Yanbu it’s just me and donin a two bed flat and we have a cleaner - we both work full time and have fairly busy lives outside of work, plus dp is studying for his masters too. Having a cleaner come in one day a week while we are at work (three hours - changes the bedding, dusts, hoovers, cleans bathroom and kitchen etc) gives us one less thing to have to think about (or argue about!) well worth it!

letsdolunch321 · 08/06/2018 10:29

Why care what others think, if you think a cleaner would help your household - get one.

Your friend is probably jealous wishing she could have a cleaner

Merryoldgoat · 08/06/2018 10:30

I’m desperate for the day I can afford one again!! Get the cleaner - it will change your life.

yy558 · 08/06/2018 10:31

good luck- myself and my whole street are still looking for a 'good' Cleaner. I've fired 4 because they were not up to standard.

every conversation I have with my neighbours start with 'have you found one, I haven't, this is ridiculous'

Tip on three floors- not likely to get done in an hour or two. (don't ask why- in an ideal world yes) so you must specify which rooms, what you want done etc

newmumwithquestions · 08/06/2018 10:33

Get a cleaner.

Ditch your friend - unless they have seriously redeeming features I wouldn’t be friends with someone that outdated, sexist and judgemental.

cholka · 08/06/2018 10:34

YANBU, do it. We have someone who comes once a week to hoover and have a bit of a wipe around. We pay just over £10, definitely worth it in our not arguing about doing it or feeling grubby the whole time. She's happy to do it, we're happy to pay, it's not exploitation is it?

It's not like you'll be living like a queen doing nothing, there will definitely be housework left over!

Just do it, having four DC is already crazily hard and they are short years that you don't need to spend scrubbing.

This might also be of interest:
www.independent.co.uk/news/science/money-buy-happiness-cleaner-cook-gardener-time-stress-a7857731.html

BangPippleGo · 08/06/2018 10:34

Tell your friend that you agree a good mum* should keep her house clean for her babies - so you've decided to use the very best resources available by hiring a cleaner. Who the fuck cares which hands physically do the cleaning?!

*Also call her out for being a sexist piece of crap because why is it the job of a mum and not a dad?

anotherangel2 · 08/06/2018 10:35

I had a cleaner pre child. Having a cleaner means you are supporting the economy and you will have more time for your children and maybe even some time left over for yourself.

I can’t think of a reason, other than not be able to afford it, not to have a cleaner.

Xiaoxiong · 08/06/2018 10:38

Parenting duties are separate from housework. A nanny wouldn't do cleaning toilets and hoovering as standard, single and childless people have houses that need cleaning that isn't connected to having children.

We treat cleaning like we treat getting the car serviced - a job which we could do ourselves given time, energy and materials, but can afford to outsource to someone else who can get it done more quickly and efficiently in return for money. I bet those women wouldn't feel any guilt having their nails done, the car serviced, carpets fitted or getting a plumber in. Getting a cleaner is just another part of life that can be outsourced, or not. No moral purity or guilt attached.

KirstenRaymonde · 08/06/2018 10:40

You friends are twats. If you can afford it do it, and don’t for a second feel guilty. I will get one the second I can afford it and I don’t even have kids yet.
Pay someone properly, and remember to outline exactly what you want them to do (and that they’re a cleaner, not a tidier) and get on enjoying more time with your children and less time cleaning.

SeaToSki · 08/06/2018 10:42

Sounds like they are projecting or jealous. Either way, ignore and do what works for you and your family.

Xiaoxiong · 08/06/2018 10:42

anotherangel your post reminds me of an scene from those lovely Ladies 1st Detective Agency books by Alexander McCall Smith. The main character Mma Ramotswe goes over to a wealthy university professor's house and sees the grass growing long in his garden and his kitchen piled high with dishes and gives him a piece of her mind, telling him it was his duty to hire a cleaner and a gardener and he was selfish to keep his money to himself and not put it into the local economy and support the families around him.

Catservant · 08/06/2018 10:45

If you can afford it why not? Sounds like jealously from others to me.

thecatsthecats · 08/06/2018 10:54

In many cases, some people just fundamentally can't cope with the idea of someone else making different choices to them. My FIL can't cope with my keeping a 15yo car. My mum would be a mixture of horrified and fascinated by my having a cleaner. My bridesmaid can't comprehend why I don't want a traditional dress.

So they come out with all sorts of rude crap that they have zero awareness of, because they just don't "get" other human beings being different. Must be hard for the poor souls to get through the day.

Me, I have a cleaner. I provide employment, I don't have to clean my own house, I don't have to discuss cleaning with my fiance and it's done better than I would myself, and I get the MH benefits of living in a home cleaned to standards I have no interest in maintaining by my own efforts. The free time allows me to write, cook properly and exercise - all far better things for me to do than clean. Better someone is paid to do it than I continue to either live in an undercleaned house or lose weight/write more slowly.

Shoxfordian · 08/06/2018 10:56

Are these people really your friends? They sound sexist and judgemental

Of course you should get a cleaner

DrCorday · 08/06/2018 11:34

Get a cleaner.

Get new friends.

You will not regret either.

Yogagirl123 · 08/06/2018 11:40

I had a cleaner when my children were little, it really helps. YANBU and your “friends” must either be envious or supermums, but either way, do what’s best for you.

SandAndSea · 08/06/2018 11:42

Just do it. You can always work alongside or at the same time as the cleaner, eg. she/he does downstairs while you do up. It really helps.

I would say though, take references. Don't leave them alone in your house or give them a key until you're really sure. Also, I would start them on an ad hoc basis - so if it doesn't work for you, it's much easier to end it without any awkward conversations.

Blaablaablaa · 08/06/2018 11:45

I had a cleaner pre child and while on maternity leave with just one child and we lived in a tiny cottage.

If you want one and can afford one the get one!and tell your 'friend' that yes it is a PARENT'S job to provide a clean house for their children and you're doing that by paying a cleaner......then go find some less judgemental friends who aren't sexist!

EeeSheWasThin · 08/06/2018 11:51

I would love a cleaner. I work full time and don’t want to spend my free time cleaning. If I had small children to look after and could afford it I’d definitely have one. Ignore everyone else, do what you want to do with your money.

3dogsandcounting · 08/06/2018 11:54

It makes no difference if you have 10 children or no children, a huge house or a small house, if having a cleaner is how you choose to spend your money, it’s completely fine.

Trooperslane2 · 08/06/2018 11:55

I am not working right now, but when I went back full time crazy long hours I told DH that we were getting a cleaner.

He didn't want anyone in the house. So I told him he needed to do the majority of the cleaning. Reader, we got a cleaner

And even though I'm not working she comes once a fortnight rather than weekly. I hate cleaning and we are making other sacrifices.

My Granny would think I had notions

Also agree with poster up thread re putting money into the economy.

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