To tell all the parents who say you can have a newborn and still manage to have a clean house, shower, eat etc

[TiffanyDoggett]

That I get it now! You actually can!!

It's entirely dependent however on what sort of a newborn you have. Ds1 was so much hard work that I couldn't really do anything except breastfeed and walk endlessly with him when he was awake to stop the crying.

If I'd had ds2 first I'd possibly have judged too. He sleeps without the need for endless motion or a nipple in his mouth and when he's awake he'll be happy to just be in a baby seat for about 20 minutes at a time. I can get things done. It's a revelation.

It's not down to parenting, techniques or routine. It's simply down to your baby. Although I've got it easier a second time around I will never forget how it can be and never judge a parent who is unable to get things done because of a high needs baby.

Mine was lovely and clean when she was a newborn as she slept all the time. It's now that she's 13 months that I don't get the time.

And it is generally easier second time around

I agree, it totally depends on the baby.

Great post! I’m not a mum but I heard an older lady say something very similar recently, except that she’d had them the other way around. She had two ‘easy’ babies and went around being terribly judgmental of all the parents who didn’t seem to be coping like she did... and then her third was the total opposite and she realised that she’d been congratulating herself for something that was mostly just good luck

I had three under two and my house was spotless, I had never looked better. 12 years later it's a different story!

It completely depends on your baby.

I had a lovely clean house and freshly prepared meals when I had a newborn. Then I had a toddler and a newborn and the whole thing went to shit.

I was lucky with all 3 of mine, and helped by the fact that my husband was a really hands on Dad. He would look after the kids whilst I had a nap , cook meals he even fed me whilst I was feeding the baby, why do they always know when it's meal times?

My older ds is at school in the day and that helps tremendously. Last week (half term) the house was an embarrassment and my morning show was always spent with a 4year old in there with me and a newborn happily in his chair listening to the sound of the water

@goose1964 so true. My newborn will be asleep right until the food gets to the table and then as soon as I've finished eating he'll drift back off!

Definitely depends on the baby. My eldest was the evil screaming reflux colicky baby from hell. Would not be put down. Had to be held to sleep in the day. Screamed constantly. Not crying. Screaming. I had to play Rihanna on repeat to him all evening just to stop him screaming constantly. My youngest was such a chilled out baby. He had some feeding problems, but napped in the cot and was more than happy to be put down etc. By that point I had a 2YO to look after as well, so there wasn't much time for getting stuff done anyway.

I'd never judge another mum and I really don't understand those people who do. There will be time again to do house work, put your make up on, spend time on yourself etc. Now mine are older I have all that time to do all those things again. I'm grateful for having a difficult first baby and 2 kids close together, because it really helped my prioritize things. I'm not quite so self conscious about my appearance as I was before kids and definitely do not give two flying fucks about anyone else's opinions!!

Yep, older one in childcare, fairly chilled baby, doing very little paid work, dh pulling his weight, house looked lovely. Two active mobile children, up to my eyeballs in paid work and dh 'busy' and I'm living in a stinking midden.

I agree OP. My DS1 was pretty easy after the first few weeks and could generally be put down to sleep in his moses basket etc. However, those first two weeks were hell on earth as he would only sleep on me in an upright position, and couldn't be put down, asleep or awake. I don't think I closed my eyes for those two weeks!

I'm 25 weeks pregnant with DS2 and anxious about how this baby will be. I can just about cope with the torture of those first couple of weeks, but I'm praying after that I'll be able to shower, eat and tidy up!

Definitely agree - but you also do better second/third time round etc too. I could never get anywhere on time with DS1 as a newborn, but just had to make it work with No2, as I needed to pick up number 1 and there is no being late when you have to be there for them.

My first was a dream - exactly that child. I could get stuff done, go shopping with him, he'd sleep, watch, and then as a toddler he was able to amuse himself and if I said "don't touch that" he wouldn't.
DS2, on the other hand......

Yes.

This holds true for most things related to parenting I find. Parents can influence certain aspects but don't kid yourself that you have full control over any if it. So much is dependent on the child and their temperament. Some people will luck out and get the babies that sleep well, feed well, travel well etc and some people will be really unlucky and get a baby that does none of that. Most of us get a bit of a mix.

I think part of the issue is that when you don't suffer from a particular struggle with your child it can be really hard to empathise fully with what it's like for a parent that is struggling. Things like sleep deprivation can become absolutely horrendous but if you've only ever experienced moderate levels of tiredness it's almost impossible to imagine the impact a lack of sleep can have on absolutely every area of your life. Of course anyone facing that will try all the easy and obvious things to rectify the issue so the absolute last thing they want to hear is how introducing a bit of white noise got Billy sleeping through the night etc.

I agree that it depends on the baby. DC1 was a god send once his colicky phase passed. He slept through the night from around 3/4 months and I barely heard a peep from him during the day. I wasn’t so lucky with DC2&3...

I don't know about having a clean house, but I ate with the high needs baby, even if I had to do it with him in a sling, and I showered even if it meant he had to cry in a cot for 5-10 minutes while I sang to him, because I couldn't function without food and a shower.

It's ok to take a little time even with the high needs baby. 10 mins in a safe place won't kill them and it won't help them to completely ignore your own needs.

@QueenAravisOfArchenland I agree with that. I just remember feeling with my first that the opportunity for even 5 mins sleep trumped a quick shower (I'm a sloven) .

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I agree OP. My DS(5) is the easiest child ever and was the most contented settled baby I've ever come across. Life with him is easy. Sometimes DH forgets and says he's like to have another (even though I'm past it). I remind him about DD (25) and he's like 'hmm, maybe it's not worth the risk'.

My friend said she was actually really bored when she had her newborn. Her DS slept 18 hours a day in four hour blocks (one 6 hour block overnight!) from day one. He'd wake, feed, look around a bit, go back to sleep. Friend would get housework done and cook evening meal then have no idea what to do with herself the rest of the day. She said she thought she was so good it it she got pregnant again when DS1 was 8 months old. DS2 was polar opposite such a difficult baby and by that time she also had a toddler walking about and sleeping less. I definitely think difficult baby no 1 and easy baby no 2 is the best way round!

While I'm sure it's possible to have an immaculate house and a newborn, I have always found myself weighing up how much I hate housework vs how much I love my hobbies. I've settled for the messy house. Oh, and I qualified for the National Championships of my sport last week. And I'll be out again all weekend doing my sport again this week, with kids as support crew. Both were high maintenance babies, DC1 especially so, but they make brilliant company these days and DC1 was the youngest person to compete and qualify for Nat Champs too last year. House is still a pigsty, and we don't mind. There's more to life than a tidy house, especially with babies around.

I had two easy babies one bottle fed one breast fed, both good sleepers (both slept through from 6 weeks old) and a clean and tidy house even when I had a baby and a 4 year old. Now I have two teenagers, work full time (around 50 - 60 hrs a week / own business) and my house is a shit tip. I would never judge someone, as I know how it is completely possible it is not to have enough hours in the day just to get the basics done.

I felt I was owed a DS2 like yours after my DS1 was the same as your DS1, but no, they were both the same, sob. On the other hand I have never had a clean house so that probably wouldn't have happened whatever.

My second baby slept for the first three months. I thought I had really nailed the whole parenting thing.
Number 3 was a flipping nightmare!

Now I feel jealous - both mine were refluxy screamy babies. When I was pregnant with DS2 I was convinced that I was going to have an easier baby this time around but he was worse. Couldn't put him down for months and screamed all through the night.

I am done with having babies!