To tell all the parents who say you can have a newborn and still manage to have a clean house, shower, eat etc

[TiffanyDoggett]

That I get it now! You actually can!!

It's entirely dependent however on what sort of a newborn you have. Ds1 was so much hard work that I couldn't really do anything except breastfeed and walk endlessly with him when he was awake to stop the crying.

If I'd had ds2 first I'd possibly have judged too. He sleeps without the need for endless motion or a nipple in his mouth and when he's awake he'll be happy to just be in a baby seat for about 20 minutes at a time. I can get things done. It's a revelation.

It's not down to parenting, techniques or routine. It's simply down to your baby. Although I've got it easier a second time around I will never forget how it can be and never judge a parent who is unable to get things done because of a high needs baby.

Agreed. My first was easy and a good sleeper. My second ..not so much!

My second was like Rockandrollwithit's babies

I got lucky with DD, but I did realize that it was mainly luck with a bit of tweaking from me (I gradually pushed her naps so that they fit around dinner etc).
My house was spotless; I even completely re-organized the garage. I went to baby groups from just a couple of weeks, and had dinner ready every evening.
Sadly, I couldn't afford to go out too much, so I got pretty bored and went back to work.
Now DD is 14, and it's a completely different story!

My favourite thing about your post is that your babies are so different. I've got an 11 month old who screamed practically every second she was awake from birth until 6 months, then toned it down to a sob and then a whine. I literally couldn't even do a load of washing or have a shower without my husband being in the house until she was 8 months old. It was hell.

Your post gives me hope that if I can ever face another they could be a more 'normal' and easygoing baby!

Now she's 11 months and happier and I can do things, life seems so much better. I can wash up! Hoover up all the mess she makes! Actually hang some washing out!

I remember saying to DH when DC2 was tiny, “this is why people have small age gaps!” There are 4 years between DC1 and 2, and 20 months between 2 and 3
It’s definitely luck of the draw - DC2 was just born happy and is still super mellow, cheerful and generally incredibly easy at almost 2 (I fully expect hellish teenager years). DC3 is enough like DC1 to 100% convince me that there will be no more babies! I adore her, but am never doing it again!

DS needed a lot of attention as a baby but this really hit home with DTs. DT1 was colicky and screamed and had to be held upright for the first 4 months of her life. DT2 was the gentlest, snuggliest little thing and would fall asleep so happily and easily, anywhere, any time. She was utterly contented for the first 9 or 10 months and barely cried at all. I used to think if DT2 was my only baby life would have been so incredibly easy and I may have been super judgey too. Things have changed of course and it’s now DT2 who demands constant attention.

I agree. It wasn't until I had baby number 2 that I realised how much work baby 1 had been.
I then understood how other people managed to do more than just look after baby.
It is veryuch down to the child rather than parenting skills or methods.

Mine were both quite difficult in their own ways, while a close friend of mine had a really easy one for her first - cue lots of advice and judgement.

Have to admit to a little schadenfreude when her second was a demon child who didn't let her rest for a minute.

Anyone judging another parent without walking a mile in their shoes should be ashamed of themselves in my opinion.

Yeah, babies are all different. I do think parental approach does help though, with my reflux-y, screaming colicky 2nd dc, I simply put him down while I showered/did some quick cleaning/ate. I’d of felt more stressed then I already was if I didn’t do those things. I just thought he was screaming being held, so what difference does screaming in a bouncer for 5 minutes make? Luckily, my 3rd DC is your text book kind of baby so I don’t have to listen to a whiny toddler and a screaming baby

100% agree.

Also, there is nothing worse than a smug first time mum who gets an easy baby first whilst you get the hard one and makes you feel a complete and utter failure.

It's so much sweeter you get an easy one next.

I'm on maternity leave so it's easier to keep the place tidy even when she was vomiting a lot and wouldn't sleep in her cot for long. That will probably change once I go back to work.

I did get fucked off recently when I found out my MIL asked my Mom (who is visiting us for a couple of weeks) if she was "having to pickup after us all the time" because we "leave our clothes on the bathroom floor".

My Mom said she didn't pick up after us and asked when this had happened. MIL said it was when our newborn was 4 days old!!!

That was after I had been awake for almost 48 hours and we'd had to take our daughter to A&E. The only reason we'd called her was because we needed help with our daughter, if things had been going well we wouldn't have asked anyone to come over at that time. We also never asked or expected her to clean anything up, just help with our daughter so we could sleep.

I'm praying everyday that my baby due in July is a easy baby.

my mum always said i was easy, would never cry and would sleep so soundly that she would get worried and have to check i was okay XD

@PinkSuitcases
I think having a high needs baby first time round sets your bar quite high to what you find manageable with future babies. I bet you'll find it easier next time whether your baby is easy or not! Good luck!

On that note my ds2 is very chilled but still wakes at night and cry's in the evening a bit but I always remind myself it could be so much harder!

This has made me feel better!
I wonder if we'd have a chilled second baby... doubtful 😂

Of course you can have a clean house, eat, shower, etc. You just need a cleaner and helpful relatives over the entire time.

Unfortunately as neither has happened, I'm tired and the house looks like a tip.

Surely it's down to priorities? Cleaning is not my number one priority, first it's the kids, then the animals, then me, then baking/doing fun stuff and then it's cleaning.

Don't get me wrong my house is lovely and it's mostly tidy and some of the week it's mostly clean but it's not top of the list for me. (I have a cleaner three times a week)

Just to be clear, cleaning is pretty far down my priorities! It's just interesting to realise I could if I needed to!

My kids were both easy babies, but my house was always a tip anyway!