DH won't help me get up - aibu?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I probably am!

We have DD 3yo and DTs 3mos so I am on mat leave. On a morning sometimes DH gets DD1 up and out to ppreschool. Sometimes I do. I always do the DTs as I am bf.

The twins are much easier babies than DD1 ever was but not great sleepers. They have one bottle at 11pm but otherwise bf so I obviously do the overnight feeds. As a result I am very tired.

I try to set my alarm for 730 to get DD up and also I often have appointments. Today I have a funeral. I never used to do this but I find I now often sleep through it I have therefore asked DH if he will help by making sure I am awake. But he won't.

I think this is a small kind thing to do for a spouse suffering temporary serious sleep deprivation. Aibu? Get out the pitchforks.....!

Racecar I thi k that is part of it, but for me it just adds to stress.

So DD1 has to be at preschool around 930 so to get her up, dressed and breakfasted while also sorting DTs and me takes probably 1.5 hrs minimum. Other days, I have other stuff on such as HV clinic for the DTs, medical appts or social arrangements. I do sleep in some days but mostly could do with being up roughly 730.

If it helps the Fitbit and Apple Watch both have alarms that cause them to vibrate. I find them much more effective than an audible alarm

...and there's nothing mythical about making dinner. In my world (thinking of the many people I know with small children), one person making dinner while or before the other puts children to bed is completely normal.

I don't have twins so do see that they present a different challenge and that, while you're with them, he must be looking after DC1 pretty much single-handed in the evening. But, that's how it goes with small children and babies.

The word 'helping' always rings alarm bells. Why wouldn't a want to be competent, capable and able to take responsibility when needed, rather than just 'help'?

I'm afraid I've seen a few families where, when the second dc arrives, everything becomes the mother's primary responsibility, because for some reason, the dad, who was ok with one dc, cannot cope with two dcs at the same time alone - yet the mother is expected to, by default. In real life I don't say what I think about this but I do see the massive, draining effect it has on the mother and on the relationship.

This makes me cross.

That was 'why wouldn't he want...'

Anyway, the only real advice can be to talk to him, listen to him but also make sure he listens to you.

and maybe look at alternative alarm devices.

He sounds like he does a decent amount so posters slagging him off are odd. I’d probably just wake you but I’m also someone who can’t really be woken. My partner still does (but we don’t work) but I can drift off again and forget he called me. Are you difficult to wake? Also second changing your alarm tone and having them go off every few minutes.