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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My chomping colleague

111 replies

Glowbuggy · 07/06/2018 04:19

I work in a small office, only a few of us and EVERY SINGLE DAY, my colleague brings a bag of carrots to chomp on. I can’t even describe how loud her chomping is, and it makes me murderous with every single bite! How do I stop this without being an arsehole? I’ve tried hints about loud eaters, my misophonia and eating etiquettes. Hints don’t work! This is actually stressing me out and affecting my work 😢

OP posts:
ThrillerJ · 07/06/2018 09:48

I would wear ear plugs/head phones/ear defenders. I think you need to find a way of coping. My son wears ear defenders at lunch time in school. People have got used to him doing this. It stops him getting angry about the sound of crisps.

happypoobum · 07/06/2018 10:14

I have misophonia too. I think it is hard for people who don't have it to understand that the sound of other people eating loudly doesn't just irritate, it makes me feel murderous or like I need to jump out of a window to escape!

Like PP, it has definitely got worse as I have got older Sad

Luckily for me I am the boss so I instigated a rule to say nobody can eat at their desk. I still have to listen to people slurping their tea noisily which is quite triggering, but I can usually find a reason to step out of the office for a bit and calm down.

I agree if you can't stop people from eating at their desks, headphones are probably the answer. I really do feel for you though. It helped me to understand it was my issue, not theirs.

UghAgh · 07/06/2018 10:17

Do people really need to label hating hearing noisy eating as a medical condition? Surely it’s a totally normal thing for some people to find incredibly annoying.

hmcAsWas · 07/06/2018 10:17

Added to the chorus of posters saying headphones. You can't ask her to stop - that's not reasonable

happypoobum · 07/06/2018 10:24

UghAgh It's not that it's incredibly annoying though. It's like a surge of adrenaline and my fight or flight kicks in. For me it's like my body responds as though I have been cornered by a sabre toothed tiger.

Sorry, I don't really know how to explain it better than that Smile

danci · 07/06/2018 10:26

I would speak to her. I'd be super polite and would admit to having a thing about noise from people eating food but ask her to stop.

This. A lot of people don’t understand misphonia and don’t know what it is. Be super polite and explain you have issues around noise and that it actually causes you distress and request that she either eats them elsewhere, brings them cooked or swaps them for something less noisy. Explain you wouldn’t ask her if you had another choice but that you can’t help it so hope you can find a compromise.

A lot of the advice on MN about this is frequently awful. I had a colleague who used to take the MN misphonia advice about nasty comments to people who bothered her, unpleasant tricks, removing or destroying other people’s food and extreme anger towards crunchers was okay and justified and I’m pretty sure it was a big factor in her being selected for redundancy.

Categoric · 07/06/2018 10:37

Why is the colleague eating constantly? Surely she can’t type, speak on the phone or be on any form of production line if she constantly has one hand on a carrot?

If she is doing it at lunchtime, then go for a walk whilst she has her lunch.

If she really is eating all the time, then her line manager needs to discuss her productivity with her. I couldn’t concentrate if I was munching all day and I bet she can’t either. Doesn’t anyone else at work think this is strange behaviour?

hmcAsWas · 07/06/2018 10:37

I really don't agree danci. If someone super politely asked me to stop eating carrots I would be quite pissed off. It is the OP's problem rather than the carrot muncher (not that I am unsympathetic) - why make it into the carrot muncher's problem and ask her to modify her behaviour when OP can take simple steps to avoid and minimise the impact on herself.

happypoobum · 07/06/2018 10:45

People really do not need to be eating at their desks all day. If you work in retail or many other jobs, you can only eat during breaks.

Schroedingerscatagain · 07/06/2018 11:27

At the end of the day your colleague is paid to work and has a lunch break when she can chomp

Some information on the thread is incorrect, Misophonia can be formally diagnosed I know because I have taken dd through the process

Since it can be then reasonable adjustments for this disability have to be made by law, management need to stop chomping colleague from eating during the non meal break time

Dd is an extreme sufferer, and unlikely to ever be able to work with people due to this condition, she even attends school over the internet due to it

We have found that bose noise cancelling headphones make life far more tolerable for her

No one needs to eat all day long, it’s selfish and inconsiderate

KatharinaRosalie · 07/06/2018 11:34

We have a no eating at your desk policy. It's unhygienic and yes a total pain for others who have to concentrate with the chomping and slurping. Nobody needs to eat constantly. She could use her breaks and designated eating facilities for that.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/06/2018 11:43

If you have tried hints, maybe it is time to be more direct - something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry, but listening to you eat carrots all day is making my life a misery, because of my misophonia - is there any way you could eat something different, or eat away from the office, please?"

pigeondujour · 07/06/2018 11:43

No one needs to eat all day long, it’s selfish and inconsiderate

People inarguably do need to eat. (No one mentioned 'all day long'.) That literally is a need. Whereas no one needs to not hear other people eating. That's a preference.

What's selfish and inconsiderate is expecting other people to modify their completely normal and reasonable behaviour to accommodate idiosyncratic dislikes of certain things.

pigeondujour · 07/06/2018 11:46

"I'm sorry, but listening to you eat carrots all day is making my life a misery, because of my misophonia - is there any way you could eat something different, or eat away from the office, please?"

And then what about after she says, "no, I'm hungry and I like carrots - you go elsewhere or wear earphones if it bothers you"?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/06/2018 12:14

Yes, the colleague could respond like that, @pigeondujour - a polite request would seem to be a logical, easy and cheap first step - but if the colleague can't or won't help the OP, she can then look for other options to cope.

Of course asking politely doesn't guarantee a helpful response - but surely not asking at all, and silently fuming, has a 100% guaranteed negative outcome.

pigeondujour · 07/06/2018 12:34

Except for the person who has absolutely no issue and would continue to eat their snack happily, which it's completely fine for them to do?

pigeondujour · 07/06/2018 12:38

I don't see how you can 'ask politely' for someone (a colleague , not even a friend) to go out of their way to change their diet to accommodate you. You can use whatever tone you like, but asking is rude in itself. Unless OP also offers to source and pay for a different snack with the same nutritional value/equivalent ranking in colleague's taste preferences every day, I suppose.

danci · 07/06/2018 12:54

I really don't agree danci. If someone super politely asked me to stop eating carrots I would be quite pissed off. It is the OP's problem rather than the carrot muncher (not that I am unsympathetic) - why make it into the carrot muncher's problem and ask her to modify her behaviour when OP can take simple steps to avoid and minimise the impact on herself.

Because we all have to be around other people all the time and if we can do something to make other people’s lives easier and make an environment good for everybody in it, it’s nice to do it.

The OP is worried about one pretty extreme bit of behaviour. A whole bag of carrots every day. Have a quick google on here and see how some people with misphonia think it is acceptable to behave. Asking for all eating in the office to be banned and behaving horrendously to colleagues if they dare to grab a quick sandwich at their desk.

The OP isn’t doing that and seems to mainly accept that she needs to deal with the issue. But there is one pretty extreme example which she can’t deal with.

In the scheme of give and take I really think somebody with misphonia asking that one thing is changed is reasonable.

If I was her colleague I’d swap the carrots for bananas or pre cook the carrots and it wouldn’t be a biggie.

Mammalamb · 07/06/2018 12:58

I’m a loud eater sometimes. And I appreciate someone being upfront than sitting resenting me. One colleague asked “you enjoying those crisps lamb?” And I just asked “am I loud” ? To which she replied «yes» and that was the end of it!

KatharinaRosalie · 07/06/2018 13:04

OP is not asking her to change her diet or stop eating all together. Just that she does not chomp loudly next to OP who is trying to work.

pigeondujour · 07/06/2018 13:24

The fact that we have to be around each other all the time is the reason that no one should be asking colleagues to modify their totally normal behaviour. Most people find a few things irrationally annoying but the grown up thing to do is realise it's your own problem and deal with it quietly. People being openly intolerant of things that happen naturally when humans share spaces makes it so much harder for everyone to just rub along together, especially in workplaces.

OliviaStabler · 07/06/2018 13:38

If you came to me and said I was annoying you by eating carrots, I'd reply with all the things that you do to annoy me.

When you work in an open plan environment you have to put up with silly conversations, mobile phones going off, loud talkers, smelly food, typers who bash their keyboards, annoying laughs etc but that is part and parcel of working in that type of environment. You either have to tune it out or use headphones.

wasthataburp · 07/06/2018 13:51

omg a girl at my work does the same thing. every day its either apples, carrots, crisps etc and her eating is soooooo loud!! i just dont get now she cant be conscious of how loud she is. i have to bring earphones to work everyday and turn my music up whenever she starts eating

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/06/2018 13:58

@pigeondujour - I am not saying that it is not fine for the OP’s colleague to eat whatever they want - just that, if you have a problem with something someone is doing, the easiest first step should be to talk to them about it, and that just fuming silently won’t achieve anything.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 07/06/2018 14:05

I have a colleague with misophonia. He wears headphones and got moved to the furthest away desk. I got his old desk and sit among the munchers. He emails me from the other side of the dept asking why I’m not going nuts at the noise of Pauline eating her apple or Norris at his crisps. I only notice once he’s emailed me Grin

I eat as quietly as I can but if I’m about to have an apple I message him first to give him the chance to get his headphones on.