To be absolutely livid with DH?

[ManicGirl]

DH was walking home with DD7 and DS6. About 5 mins from home DS asks to go down this tiny cut through instead of path. DH says he'll meet them at an agreed location and he stays on path. But the cut through goes somewhere else and they end up in different places.
Turns out, that when they couldn't find him, the DCs decide to walk home, which involved walking along 3 streets and crossing one busy road at a zebra crossing. Apparently they ran into a woman we vaguely know who helped then cross the road.
DH instead of waiting at agreed place (Which they had to pass on their way back), went back to where they'd all started and missed then completely.
When DCs got home, I gave then a lecture about going anywhere on their own and talking to strangers. They both got really upset, especially DS.

But I really don't know what to say to DH. Everything's awkward as I don't want to raise it as it will cause an argument. I keep thinking about what could have happened to them.

Yes I think you have over reacted. I'm sure your DH had the best of intentions (it is good for DCs to practice independence). It didnt go according to plan but they made a sensible decision and got home safely. However much you drill the stranger danger into kids they will nearly always default to accepting help from a known person and in that regard I think they did the right thing and shouldnt be punished for it. Your DH, presumably not an idiot, probably had the fright of his life when he realised his error and doesnt need to be told by you that he made a mistake. I think you have realised you over reacted though and if you apologise to the DCs for being cross they will learn another lesson. That parents are fallible.

I don't think six and seven year olds need to learn to be independent just yet, unless you are a parent who sends them to 'play out' with random children whose parenting you know nothing about. I wonder how many of you bleating on about independence still do all household tasks, don't require your children to get stuck in, never or rarely require them to use public transport, especially cross-country and will definitely be attending all university open days and interviews with them?

Don't just be extra nice to them! Explain why you were in the wrong to lecture them and that it was your worry talking. Say sorry. Then praise them for their initiative.

So what actually happened is your husband got lost on the way home from school rather than the kids.

I wonder how many of you bleating on about independence still do all household tasks, don't require your children to get stuck in, never or rarely require them to use public transport, especially cross-country and will definitely be attending all university open days and interviews with them
I think most of us 'bleating on' will expect our DCs to do all of the above unattended in due course! I dont get your point.

People tend not to be consistent so I doubt it humblesims. People also tend to follow what other people do so I doubt it for that reason too.

Your kids did really well. Tell them so. Tell them they did all the right things and you're really proud of them. Apologise to them for telling them off admit you were wrong, admit you were frightened and make sure they understand how good they were.

YABU. You've handled this badly as I think you now recognise. Your DCs deserved praise, not a lecture. They did exactly the right thing but their confidence will be severely depleted and they won't be nearly so confident if something similar should happen again. You need to do some repair work there.

And I don't see that your DH did anything particularly wrong either. He was trying to give them some excitement / a sense of adventure. OK it didn't work out particularly well but you can't wrap kids in cotton wool all the time. They will have all learned from this.

What is worrying though is that you feel you can't raise this with him. The two of you should be able to talk this through and each express what you thought. Better for you to be openly upset and angry with him (rather than the DCs) so that you can find a joint, parental resolution.

In all honesty I'd have lost my shit if any adult had done this with a 6- and 7-year-old. Letting them walk down cut-throughs, with no idea where the cut-through ended, then not back-tracking fast when the children didn't turn up as expected.

I'd have torn him a new one. And told the children they were wonderful for managing the situation.

Yes - from now on there are all sorts of decisions to be made about freedom and people have lines in different places (see the different responses on this thread to letting 6/7 year olds walk on their own for abit).

My kids are the stage on from yours (9 and 12) and DH and I are frequently having to work out between us what our boundaries are on instagram, ear piercing, walking around the neighbourhood alone, getting the bus into town etc etc and so on. You and DH need to be able to openly agree where you stand on stuff. Friends of ours we thought were like minded have taken really quite different decisions as well which complicates everything. Joys of parenting!