To be absolutely livid with DH?

[ManicGirl]

DH was walking home with DD7 and DS6. About 5 mins from home DS asks to go down this tiny cut through instead of path. DH says he'll meet them at an agreed location and he stays on path. But the cut through goes somewhere else and they end up in different places.
Turns out, that when they couldn't find him, the DCs decide to walk home, which involved walking along 3 streets and crossing one busy road at a zebra crossing. Apparently they ran into a woman we vaguely know who helped then cross the road.
DH instead of waiting at agreed place (Which they had to pass on their way back), went back to where they'd all started and missed then completely.
When DCs got home, I gave then a lecture about going anywhere on their own and talking to strangers. They both got really upset, especially DS.

But I really don't know what to say to DH. Everything's awkward as I don't want to raise it as it will cause an argument. I keep thinking about what could have happened to them.

I myself wouldn't feel safe going down a tiny cut that's hidden from public view. Anything could happen and anyone could follow you in there! I certainly wouldn't let my child go down there alone. My DH would have been in a world of trouble if he had done that.

I think I would possibly give dc more responsibly off the back of this. They have shown themselves to be very sensible and resourceful.

Murane

I myself wouldn't feel safe going down a tiny cut that's hidden from public view. Anything could happen and anyone could follow you in there! I certainly wouldn't let my child go down there alone. My DH would have been in a world of trouble if he had done that.

^ this, hit the nail on the head.

The children handled it well, and found someone they vaguely knew, and that person helped them. Sometimes we have to depend on others to help us so shouting about stranger danger now won't help as a) this lady wasn't a stranger and b) she stopped them getting run over!

I'm sure you just blew up as you were scared, but all's well that ends well and I'm also sure your husband didn't mean for this to happen so no need to have a go about this- he won't do it again, will he?

The kids did very well considering what went wrong. They asked for permission then acted sensibly when their dad was not in the expected location, and got help from a vaguely familiar adult to cross the road and found their way home. Presumably DH thought it came our somewhere else, and understandably ran back to their starting location when they were not where he had presumed the cut came out. Things go wrong sometimes when unexpected things happen, or plans change. My DH likes to encourage greater independence - it was the way he was brought up, and We,ve had a few differences over the years too!
Once you have recovered from your fright you may see things a little differently, and see that the children did well.

I would be pretty upset but wouldn't bring it up. DH lost DS in town once. I didn't say anything because I was pretty sure he was punishing himself enough.

You've had a shock. I think that's part of your reaction.

Wtf why didn't DH go the route suggested by DC? If it h ad been u with them what would u have done? DH was wrong. Regardless of teaching DC to be independent this wasn't the time or the place

the children did well, your dh made an error of judgement, just move on...unless he is advocating dropping them in central london and meeting them in watford as a lifestyle choice to defy you then I think you need to forgive and forget

as for YOU @Charolais...I guess those little Americans need the freedom at that age, before picking up their compulsory transparent backpacks for school and hoping every single day they are not massacred by illicit firearms before they make adulthood

I'd have been furious with my kids because weve always agreed to stay where they were if they had got lost as it's the easiest way to find them. Second option to go back to the place they last were with a grown up I would not have expected them to take themselves home...

If I had a DH I'd have expected him to go back to where the path split , taken the path the kids took and found them that way. He must have had a real fright to to have found them.

Easy enough mistake to happen.

Well, nothing happened.

I always had the deal with my kids, that if we'd lose each other, they stay put and I come looking, that way they know what to do, and the onus of finding eachother again is on the parent.

Works well, having a plan like this also keeps everybody calm

My DS lost me the other day in the mall, and stayed put so I retraced my steps and found him where I last saw him

He is 14

This training clearly goes deep

Thanks so much for talking sense to me. I think I'll be extra nice to the kids tomorrow. Although they like a challenge, so I might try dropping them in Watford and telling them to meet me at Hamleys. Pretty sure they'd manage it

I’d be cross with my DH if I were you. Kids too young to cross roads etc should not be let out of sight.

Can you ask your DH to agree not to ever let them out of his sight again until they reach an age where you both agree they can?

Your DH was slack. And slackness put them at a risk. I’d at least want a Dad to recognise that. I’d be wary of DH feeling that the risk was what your kids decided to do, they were too young to be that responsible, and I’d be telling your kids that Dad was wrong to let them go off.

My guess would be that a hug might go down very well with your DH. I bet inside he was terrified.

Comment about challenge made me laugh!

Even the best people fuck up at times, there is really no need to rub his nose in it.

My dd went to school alone on the city bus from the age of 5 and I never taught her not to talk to strangers, I taught her not to go off with anyone without my permission. Your children handled the situation really intelligently.

Aren't kids taught to ask a woman for help if they are lost and there's no policeman or shop around. I'm sure mine were taught at school to ask a mom with kids for help. Plus the lady who helped them is known to them (enough for them to tell you who she is) so not really a stranger as such. So shooting at them for talking to strangers also seems harsh.

So rather than shouting at them and then bring "extra nice" the next day, it might be better to have a chat to them about what to do in a situation like this.

Shouting. Not shooting.

Your kids should be praised Op, die their common sense and confidence. My son is 9 and he would have been in a hysterical panic🙄

I'm worried that DH won't realise the severity of it

What.. two children walking five minutes on a route they know on their own? Crumbs, I was out on my bike all day riding around all over the shop when I was 7. The world has gone bonkers.

No don’t be extra nice. Sit them down and talk to them. Apologise for your behaviour and tell them they did really well by not panicking and getting themselves safely home. Tell them how proud you are of them and you weren’t upset with them. They did nothing wrong. Ask them how they feel and if they think it’s a good idea next time to stay with daddy until they’re a bit bigger.

You got this all back to front tbh. If anyone should have got a lecture, it should have been the adult, who unlike the children panicked. That said, I think your dh feels shit enough already so probably not necessary. I do think you need to talk about the best way to deal with a situation like this in the future if it ever happens again.

I forgot to say, you also should have the talk about what to do if it happens again and keeping themselves safe.

The world has gone mad. How are kids ever supposed to be independent and solve problems for themselves with all the helicopter parenting.

The kids did fine. DH was frazzled. You made too much of a deal over it.

At that age, I road my bike all over the place and went to the corner shop and bought penny candy. Walked to the pond with my own pole and went fishing. I could use a map and a compass and started orienteering about that age too.

I'd have praised the kids for their initiative but told them to wait in future, not told them off. And, having just been helped by a 'stranger' you've now told them it's dangerous, which 99.9% of the times it's not. I think it's important to tell kids they can go to people for help (and suggest they find a parent with kids), but never to go anywhere other than home or some public place (such as a meeting point, shop security) with any other adult, whether they know them or not.

No big deal, they should be able to get themselves home from 3 streets away. What if their Dad had an accident like a stroke or heart attack, they would have needed to go for help then.
I walked home from school which was a mile at 6 years old.You sound a bit over the top OP. The children should be praised really and not told off.
Any 6/7 year old should be sensible and aware enough to make their way home locally.

After going back-how long would it have taken your husband to get to the meeting place?

Perhaps your kids wouldn't have been waiting long if they had stayed there?