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Original poster

To think it's rude to say you didn't know we had plans...

35 replies

BangPippleGo · 06/06/2018 10:16

in a WhatsApp group where all you have to do is scroll up to see where we made plans?!

Trying to arrange a get together with a group of mum friends, all have toddlers of a similar age and it's obviously difficult to find a time to suit everyone so usually arrange a few weeks in advance. We had plans for today. I sent a message to the group last night to check if everyone was still on, and out of five of them, not one of them remembered we had plans. Which is fair enough, easily forgotten. But rather than admitting they forgot; each one of them said "Oh I didn't know we had plans" or "I must have missed where we made these arrangements as I'm not actually free".

I don't mind people forgetting. It happens. But when all you have to do is scroll up on the group message to see where two weeks ago (and we don't message all the time so it's not that far back) every single one of them said they were free and agreed to the date, it pisses me off that they all act as if they hadn't agreed in the first place or "didn't know".

I'm tempted to screenshot where they all agreed but that just feels really rude and petty. But I turned down other plans for today that I now can't get back in on so I'm grumpy!

OP posts:
MildlyFedUp · 06/06/2018 10:20

I'd want to screenshot it too. That's really rude.

Funkyslippers · 06/06/2018 10:20

I get similar to this when trying to arrange a night out with mum friends via FB messenger. In your situation I'd say, we did all agree to meet today!

FittonTower · 06/06/2018 10:23

I wouldn't find that rude but i have a lot going on and am mega forgetful myself so I'd probably have forgotten the plans too

Original poster
BangPippleGo · 06/06/2018 10:24

Fitton I have a lot going on too. I'm not annoyed they forgot. I'm annoyed they are denying all knowledge of ever making the plans, making me look like a prize twat when every single one of them is saying "we didn't have plans", like I've completely dreamed it up.

OP posts:
SweetCheeks1980 · 06/06/2018 10:28

How many children have you got, @Bang?
I found through experience that a lot of mum friends don't bother to keep to their plans, then in their next breath say that they're sick of their friends dropping out of their lives now they've had a child. Also posting on FB that they "need plans bored".

MadMags · 06/06/2018 10:31

I hate to say it but it sounds like they’re not interested in meeting up with you. Sad

There’s no way every single person forgot, is there? More like they’re trying to get out of it.

I’d concentrate my efforts elsewhere so you’re not reliant on them. And don’t be surprised if you find out they’ve been doing things without you. That seems to happen a lot, based on threads here.

Original poster
BangPippleGo · 06/06/2018 10:31

Sweet I have one, as do all of them. All the same age.

I probably see more of my close friends now than I did pre-kids, but this paeticular group srent thst close and more have a shared interest through a group the children go to.

OP posts:
Original poster
BangPippleGo · 06/06/2018 10:32

MadMags i dont think its that sinister- we all live quite far apart and I appreciate logistics make it difficult.

OP posts:
MadMags · 06/06/2018 10:34

Well, that’s good then. It’s very odd for five people to simultaneously forget plans though!

TimeIhadaNameChange · 06/06/2018 10:46

I'd be wondering if they've made plans for themselves and excluded you, I'm afraid. Post the screenshot and see how they respond.

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/06/2018 10:55

That's annoying, yes. The I must have missed where we made these arrangements as I'm not actually free" would have particularly pissed me off. I don't think that I'd go as far as screenshoting it (that's a bit over invested to me), but I would definitely make a comment about scrolling up to see where you agreed to these plans. I would try very hard not to be sarcastic, but probably fail.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 06/06/2018 11:00

If they're all being dicks about it, I'd say something like 'that's strange! I can see a few messages above where we all agreed'.

GabsAlot · 06/06/2018 11:01

just put the screenshot up dont say anything after it just show what they said

ShotsFired · 06/06/2018 11:04

If you press and hold on the message you can "forward" it to the group again now. It's quite useful to show them you did all agree this before!

Original poster
BangPippleGo · 06/06/2018 11:06

I have just diplomatically posted that I've had a look back and it was a good few weeks back we all agreed so I appreciate things get forgotten when planned so far in advance!

One of them who lives closest to me has said she will be free from about 3pm so is popping round for a coffee instead Smile

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 06/06/2018 11:07

I wouldn't screenshot it but would send a breezy message saying 'We all agreed. It's just a bit further up the page.'

DarlingNikita · 06/06/2018 11:08

I appreciate things get forgotten when planned so far in advance!

Don't people have diaries?

I have no time for this sort of carry-on, whether it's genuine forgetting (see 'diaries' above) or deliberate vagueness.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 06/06/2018 11:17

I have just diplomatically posted that I've had a look back and it was a good few weeks back we all agreed so I appreciate things get forgotten when planned so far in advance!

So you’ve basically taught them that it’s totally fine to do this Hmm

When you fuck up and forget plans you’re supposed to be apologetic for wasting someone’s time and try make it up to them! You’ve just handed them a ‘oh no honestly it’s fine it can happen to anyone I forgive you’ when none of them have even bothered to apologise?

You need better friends, they don’t value seeing you. It’s not difficult to get a diary or write it in their phones. If someone did this to me and wasn’t apologetic/did it a second time the flimsy excuse for a friendship would be over.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 06/06/2018 11:18

I have just diplomatically posted that I've had a look back and it was a good few weeks back we all agreed so I appreciate things get forgotten when planned so far in advance!

Well don’t be surprised when it happens again. And again. And again.

Jaxhog · 06/06/2018 11:27

It beats me why people can't record somewhere that they've made plans. It's really rude and disrespectful to just 'forget'. We all forget occasionally, but it seems to be increasingly the case that people just don't stick to agreed plans. If you don't want to commit, make it clear that you don't. At least people know where they stand with you. And if you do forget, at least be honest and admit it with an apology.

I agree with walking that you need to find some better friends.

Juells · 06/06/2018 11:34

In future keep putting cheery reminders up.

"Looking forward to our meet-up on Wed 12th, hope everyone can still make it as agreed"

Juells · 06/06/2018 11:35

If they'd been trying to avoid you they wouldn't have made the arrangement in the first place. That way paranoia lies...

Floeer · 06/06/2018 11:39

Yeah have same issue with my sister currently.

In family Whatsapp Group I clearly stated when we were having our DS' 1st Birthday a while back. I gently reminded everyone and received a "Oh, we have booked a holiday as we didn't get an invite". Again so tempted to take a screenshot of where she acknowledged it but I feel it isn't worth the hassle. Rest of family just thinks she's an idiot now.

Just not worth the drama in screenshoting. It is rude but same time we all have moments where we forgot once the time rolled round or just didn't feel up for it. It is a shame that we cant all just be honest about not being up for plans without fearing any backlash though.

MadMags · 06/06/2018 11:45

If they'd been trying to avoid you they wouldn't have made the arrangement in the first place. That way paranoia lies...

I disagree. There are countless threads on here from both sides - people being phased out of groups, and doing the phasing.

And in nearly all cases there’s this carry on rather than a clean break.

Sockunicorn · 06/06/2018 11:47

haha im a rude bastard and screenshot FREQUENTLY. I also do the "circle in red" on the screen shot to emphasise my point :). My sister does this CONSTANTLY and its so so annoying.