I know IABU re baby sleeping...

[nightowlforever]

Love my little one but she likes to help me enjoy every moment by making sure I’m awake 24/7 - she’s nearly three months and wakes every 30/45 mins all night. I work really hard to help her get some naps in the day and these are also 30/45 mins.

I know I’m being totally unreasonable but the thing I struggle with most about it all is when I look for advice and support online a lot of the posts I read are mums saying how exhausted they are because their babies of the same age wake every two or three hours, or sleep through but wake at 4am and arthe difficult to settle, or sleep well at night but only nap for short spells in the day. I thought these things were all normal for a newborn? But then I suppose my newborn is too hence the IABU!

I know everyone is different and these mums are facing their own challenges, have an equal right to support - but honestly any of those scenarios would be an absolute dream to me at the moment! Doing all I can to help my beautiful little girl sleep more.

How can I learn to be more reasonable so I can make the most of great advice online? I must project because although I’m coping, reading how exhausted these other mums are on quite a bit more sleep makes me feel worse somehow..!

I do know I’m lucky as she’s our first - I can’t imagine how difficult it must be with a toddler etc as well, or being back at work! I recognise some mums are in this position

I used to co sleep with Ds. He needed to feel his DM was there beside him to make him safe and secure. Plus the milk was instantly available. I know they warn against it but my dil does it with dgd, who is still not a good sleeper aged 2

are you breastfeeding or formula feeding? Breast fed babies sleep less if they are not getting the full feed.

Breastfeeding. Oddly though she only really wants to feed once in night so by rights should sleep through 🙈 (tried waking her for it and she’s not that interested)

I’ve looked at how to co-sleep safely and have thought of it but would be so nervous. I could trial it in the mornings

You have my total sympathy. My first was like this and I can still remember the sheer misery caused by exhaustion.

If she’s not waking for a feed, what’s happening when she wakes?

Have you tried putting a tshirt that DH has worn in her crib? Some people use it as the sheet on the mattress.

Swaddling and white noise might help too and have you read Sweet Sleep?

We co slept in the daytime, look up www.isisonline.org.uk for infant sleep information

Thanks for recommendation, I’ve not seen that one

She’ll wake writhing in her basket which progresses to crying. When she wakes I try settling her on me, patting her in basket or rocking her. She’s actually only managed about half an hour since 12.30 although had two 15 min sleeps before stirring

I’m rocking basket at the moment with one arm. Tried tilting mattress (in case of silent reflux), more clothes, less clothes, swaddle bag, white noise, lullabies, black out curtains, more regular daytime naps, everything! 🙈

Not tried the tshirt though!

My DS was like this. 45 mins sleep, wake, feed, 30-45 mins to settle, rinse and repeat. For almost 6 months. He’d nap a maximum of 20 mins in the day x2-3, whilst in the sling. That was it.

I’d read every book, tried every method including CC (bitterly regret that) and in the end he just sorted himself out and was sleeping though most nights from about 8 months. Nothing we did, except his sleep did improve at the same time he was weaned.

In hindsight I do suspect he had reflux, so it might be worth considering seeing if your baby will sleep better in a sling or the cot with a raised end, or a more upright buggy.

Ask for help if there’s a family member who’ll sleep in with her and you just go in for one or two BF and use earplugs the rest of the time.

Other than that, I only have sympathy to offer. It is in the realms of normal, you just got unlucky It was the most difficult time of my entire life and so unappreciated- those who haven’t had a non-sleeper just cannot understand the bone-aching exhaustion. I remember hoping to get appendicitis or something so I’d have to have a night in hospital to sleep. It. Was. Hell.

FWIW, since then DS has always been a brilliant sleeper. DD was textbook 2-3 hour blocks, but still wakes now and she’s 5 (years!).

So sorry for you OP. Hang on in there.

Oh and cosleeping saved my life. Literally, I could not have survived otherwise.

My dd was exactly the same as you and this lasted about 20 months.

I think you need to remind yourself that everyone struggles badly with sleep deprivation whether its waking every 45 minutes or 2 hours. Its so tough and someone will always have it worse.

, I got irritated by otherswho lacked sympathy for me but complained about their situation. I had a friend, who suffered badly and got a Lot of sympathy from my friends about what a tough time ahe was having because her son wouldn’t sleep. She got a lot of support from me and our friends until she told me that he slept for 13 hours at night it was just daytime naps were impossible and she needed the time to get the housework done.

It drives you mad, but beyond saying its hard theres not actually much anyone else can do. So you have to just put up with those less sleep deprived than you being given advice.

My advice 100% is to co sleep. I didn’t with my dd and it only stopped when my dh took ober and started sleeping in the same bed with her. I co slept from day one with my second and he now sleeps 12 hours a night and has done since 9 months.

Also, 12 weeks where you roughly are now is literally the worst month, at 6 months things get easier as you are suddenly just ok with the lack of sleep. By 9-12 months you will find baby sleeps better. Its so hard to believe but in 3-6 months you will be in a completely different place.

That sounds so tough, absolutely you are not being unreasonable to want to get some sleep, there’s a reason sleep deprivation is concerned a form of torture.

Do you have a partner that can help you out? Can you take yourself off to the spare room a couple of nights a week with ear plugs whilst they sleep with the baby? They could bring baby to you to for feeds but I’d also consider introducing a bottle. Either expressed breast milk or formula and that way you aren’t dealing with every single wake up and can get some rest. In the meantime

Huge sympathies. My DS was like this, 45 minutes asleep, 45 minutes to an hour feeding and settling, sometimes with a three hour feeding session thrown in. I was on my knees with exhaustion. I don't have much advice because we just muddled through really. He's a year now and still wakes 3 times a night but compared to the earlier stages, it's much more manageable. Try not to let other people's more positive sleep experiences pull you down, you will get through this

Another one shouting co-sleep, and a sling so you stand a chance of doing something during the day.
It was the only thing that got DS2 sleeping for maybe 90 mins at a time rather than 45 mins.
Also, I used to feed him, hand him over to DH, and go to bed about 8.30. DH then held him til about midnight. Meant I got a chunk of a few hours. If you can get one 4 he block 9f sleep, life becomes so much more manageable.

And I'm posting at this time because I'm not in the UK, and am about to take the kids to school, not due to sleepless primary aged kids.....

I had this baby too! At 3 months I threw in the towel and rang a baby whisperer. She charged £250 for just shy of 30 minutes . It revolutionised our lives. She’s since made her millions from me sending everyone to her, no doubt. Of course no one person can really work for every baby, but it was the ‘magic’ solution for us.

In essence, she said the baby needed our help to sleep, and we had to ‘woman up’ and do it. She said to think of it like ‘the 4th trimester’, rather than the first 3 months of life. She showed us how to swaddle (tightly) and secure the swaddle with tight sheets in her cot. She blacked out the room’s windows completely. She gave us a CD of ‘womb sounds’ (you can get apps now). Played louder than you’d think. My baby was asleep before she even left, and never looked back. I remember a technique of gently bouncing my hand on her mattress to soothe her (mimics you walking, pregnant). That’s all it took after a while.

We moved immediately to a routine of 40 min sleep, 40 min play, 40 min feed. Slowly the sleeps got longer. I was more sane because at least I could count on 40 mins of regular napping myself!

The last tip was to always go in and pick her up as soon as she’s awake (and the nap is over). That way she never thinks of her bed as a lonely place (crying & calling for you), and never minds being left in it alone the next time.

Now she’s 7, and has been a great sleeper and self-soother for most of that time. Looking back, it seems her personality was part of the issue- she just loves people, stimulation, change, bustle. Even as a tiny infant, she found the world too intriguing to sleep. She needed my help to shut off the world, so she could rest.

Again, I can only speak from my experience with my (one) kid. But keep researching until you find your ‘right way’. Good luck!

Do not feel you have to justify complaining about this - it’s really, really difficult.

Try a big bottle formula if needed, feed before bed. And DH helping with bottle feeds in the night. Make sure you get a bottle that’s as close to breast as possible.

Try a big bottle formula if needed, feed before bed. And DH helping with bottle feeds in the night. Make sure you get a bottle that’s as close to breast as possible. Hasn’t the OP said that her baby isn’t hungry and is refusing all but one feed?

Just don't talk to other Mums about sleep, it will only make you angry.

My DS woke every 30 mins for the first six months. He's now almost 9 months and wakes every 2-3 hours. We have finally made it to the typical newborn sleeping patterns!

You have my sympathy, it's really really hard.

@April

My baby also woke every 30 mins and it wasn't hunger - he would refuse all but one feed. Some babies just don't like to sleep I think.

The one thing that strikes me is that you’ve ‘tried everything’ but baby is very young still.

So my advice would be pick whichever set of techniques you feel most comfortable with and stick with them. Even/especially when they don’t work for the first few days. I found with mine that what worked long term was what we stuck with (at least for a decent interval).

We have white noise playing on loop all night which helps dc1 sleep. He was a horror from about 4 months after previously sleeping through and began waking every 45 minutes. He sleeps through now and has done since just before he turned 1.

I never found that formula made a difference to his sleeping while younger when we were mix feeding.

That sounds really tough op. I remember dd going through a short phase (2-3 weeks) doing exactly this and it's soul destroying. At my lowest point (bearing in mind I had no idea how long this would last, or if it would end) I had to leave her crying in the middle of the bed and leave the room for a short time. I was terrified of what I would do if I stayed and it still makes me tearful to think of it.

I coslept in the end, until the phase was over. Dh also helped as much as he could (although i too breastfed). I gather that it's because around that age a baby's sleep patterns begin to change, so they need to 'learn' to transition between sleep stages, thus allowing them to sleep for longer periods without waking.

Stay strong op. Sleep deprivation is bloody awful, so do whatever you can to get through it - including leaving the baby for a few mins if necessary for your sanity. I think your reaction is normal given your sleep deprived state, but maybe give the advice a miss and follow your instinct. If that's cosleeping, then just do it safely. If it's feed to sleep, do it. Good luck.

My 4th child is 20 months old and still doing this. Some nights she has 2 hour blocks. Not very often, but it’ll get better one day xx

Thank you for all these lovely messages of support. I’m sorry so many of you have experienced such frequent wake ups but it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone

We visited doctor yesterday for something separate (although I suppose possibly connected if uncomfortable) and I am extremely worried about that while awaiting a referral. I feel like the worry on top of everything is really bringing me down and I hope she’s not picking up on it

We tried co-sleeping tonight and it was perhaps slightly better but have struggled since about 3am to settle her - she has her eyes closed but wriggling! Will persevere

I wonder if she needs more burping? It’s hard to get burps out. Also getting DH to help for blocks at a time

I would like to sleep but more than anything I just want to know she’s ok. If someone had a crystal ball and could tell me everything would be alright and she is going to grow up healthy and happy I know I wouldn’t even mind the sleepness nights. It’s the worry on top that’s so hard

That really does sound like either trapped wind or reflux to me op, have you tried infacol or dentinox colic drops? We swear by them but they take a good few days to get in the system. If it's reflux, you need baby Gaviscon from the doctor. Honestly, try infacol or dentinox for a week. X