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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toilet etiquette & new boyfriend?

51 replies

Bumblebrush · 05/06/2018 21:31

I have a newish boyfriend. I've known him for 1.5yrs but we've been together 3 months. He's really lovely in so many ways & we really click, but one thing bothers me and I can't quite get used to it. He expects to be able to pee with the bathroom door open. It feels weird this needing to keep a sight-line to me. To explain better, our bathroom leads off the open-plan lounge kitchen and the bathroom door is directly in line with the sofa. I just find it ewww. What's the big deal about closing the door ffs? But when I challenged him he said 'Are you shaming me?' Hmm so I shut up about it. Thankfully, he hasn't taken a shit yet in full view. I've heard of people who're so open about everything that it doesn't matter but I don't like it. Something about it just spoils the magic for me. Aibu?

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 05/06/2018 21:39

hmm - my husband doesn't shut the door - but then again our loo is not in line with the lounge-kitchen either.

If you are uncomfortable, just tell him you dont want him doing that anymore - and its not shaming him for gods sake - you just dont like it!

pinkyredrose · 05/06/2018 21:41

Reminds me of a Sex and the City episode, Miranda felt the same as you! No need for it when the door can be easily closed!

Eliza9917 · 05/06/2018 21:41

We wee with the door open and one will go if the other is in there with us but we don't poo.

We don't do it in other ppls houses or if ppl are here tho. Although, saying that if it's just my mum & sisters and nephew/niece there we will go with the door open, but never if any of my bil's are there.

We're probably rank as fuck though, but meh, there's worse things to get het up about.

Racecardriver · 05/06/2018 21:42

Maybe he's a perv who gets off on you watching. No harm in shaking you when he is making you unconfoetable.

MissVanjie · 05/06/2018 21:42

Go and have a big noisy dump while chatting to him about brexit

He’ll soon start closing the door

moreismore · 05/06/2018 21:42

Next time he initiates sex just say ‘sorry, I just have that image of you standing there weeing’ and roll over. He should get the message.

OhTheTastyNuts · 05/06/2018 21:46

DH and I have been together for 14 years, married for 11. I have never seen him pee.

BrutusMcDogface · 05/06/2018 21:46

Just ask him to close the door! Say you aren't shaming him (wtaf?!) but some things are best kept private. He should respect you on this one.

Dp and I wee in front of each other but we've been together 14 years and have loads of kids! Save something for the future! Grin

tickyticks · 05/06/2018 21:47

@MissVanjie 😂😂😂

Rudgie47 · 05/06/2018 21:48

I think hes done that all his life and its a bad habit.I'd tell him it makes you uncomfortable and its very ignorant. Also what if he does it and you have visitors?
I'd tell him to start shutting the door or move out and thats it,hes being disgusting.

Foodylicious · 05/06/2018 21:48

Totally misses point, but living together after 3 months!

It's all this kind of stuff you usually have chance to figure out when getting to know each other in your own homes first.

Good luck in figuring this one out.

To not respect your thoughts on it and to continue to do something thst makes you uncomfortable sounds a bit controlling

1stTimeMama · 05/06/2018 21:49

Gross.

I have never, ever done this with a partner, or in fact anyone that isn't one if my children. I don't want to see someone use the toilet, and neither do I want them to be able waltz in and have a chat. Just wait for goodness sake. This would really put me off!

TERFragetteCity · 05/06/2018 21:50

Line of sight? What happens if you walk away from the line of sight?

MoistCantaloupe · 05/06/2018 21:52

Miss Vannnjiiieee
Miss Vannnjjiiieeee
Miss Vannnnjjiieeeeee

Anyways, sounds a bit cosy for 3 months. I pee with the door open to shout at DH sometimes, but I don’t think I would if he was directly looking at me. You’ll have to tell him again... or close the door in his face when he’s in there

Iflyaway · 05/06/2018 21:54

He should respect your wish for privacy (and using the loo most people would want that).

Like someone upthread said, he sounds like a control freak.

Wait till he starts telling you how you should dress or who you can meet up with..... Hmm

VladmirsPoutine · 05/06/2018 21:55

Just tell him it's making you uncomfortable.

I once broke up with a guy because he would eat a sausage baguette by firstly eating the sausage(s) then the empty bread roll.

PurpleTigerLove · 05/06/2018 21:56

You moved in together too quickly

topcat2014 · 05/06/2018 21:57

I don't even like hearing the sound of weeing through two closed doors!

But then I think I am a bit pathetic sometimes :)

Marie38y · 05/06/2018 21:58

Reminds me of my husband accusing me of being anti-social when I closed the door to pee! Without being too graphic, I think the explanation that privacy in the loo = more sexual favours, seems to work

Lulusmother · 05/06/2018 22:01

I broke up once with boy at school after he'd cycled 8 miles in the rain and his hair was flattened to his head.

Misses point of thread entirely

Lilymossflower · 05/06/2018 22:02

Wearing in front of each other is a personal thing and not a big deal.

What IS a big deal is that he said 'are you shaming me?'
When you did nothing but simply declare you wanted privacy.

Everyone is entitled to privacy.
His response was shaming YOU and your right to that.

That's a red flag to me!

EdWinchester · 05/06/2018 22:02

No-one in this house shuts the bathroom doors.

But having said that, I wouldn't want to be sitting on the sofa watching someone pissing.

Petalflowers · 05/06/2018 22:04

The only time I use the toilet with an open door is when there is no one else in the house. If you prefer to have a closed door, then close it. I wouldn’t like to watch anyone else either.

Also, you are living together after three months. Seems a bit quick, somehow,

category12 · 05/06/2018 22:04

How's it 'our' bathroom after 3 months?

Are you the poo troll?

SexyManatee · 05/06/2018 22:05

Wee wouldn't bother me, poo would. But what I would do doesn't matter - it's what you think that matters.

Next time he asks if you are shaming him, call his bluff. Yes you are, you think it's gross and you'd like him to respect your boundaries by shutting the door.

I'm not really sure how somebody can come back to that. If he does he's a cockwomble and at least you know early on.

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