Mortified at work

[BlackVel]

3 years ago I fell out with my oldest friend. We haven’t spoken since. I haven’t seen or heard from her in all that time.

I was called into a meeting with a manager today regarding a concern they had. A new client had requested I have nothing to do with their work/case and was not allowed to access any of their files. I had no idea who this person was when they told me her name and could only sit with my mouth gaping and explaining I had no idea who they were or what the problem would be.

My work has always be fine, no issues. But I feel like they don’t believe me and suddenly think that I’m untrustworthy or something. They kept saying “well it’s quite unusual, are you sure you don’t know her”

I called another friend on the way home and asked her if she knew this person. Turns out she is new best friend of my ex best friend.

I don’t know what to do as it all seems so childish and work will be thinking there’s no smoke without fire!

Oh dear. Yes, that does sound mortifying.

I think if you tell your bosses that you have found out that she has unfounded personal issues with you, and that actually you have never met her yourself, that might help? At least makes her sound like the one with the problem (which she is).

I would just tell your work what's going on tomorrow. No need to give details but just say you have spoken about it with a friend and learned that the new client is connected to a former friend of yours with whom you had an argument and now do not have contact with. You don't need to give any more detail than that, even if they ask.

I feel for you - you didn't ask for this pettiness to be landed at your door!

How bizarre

I'd be pretty angry that some complete stranger has put the spotlight on my professional integrity.

Just explain the situation to your boss and move on.
Obviously the ex-friend still have issues with you, but that's on her.

When you go back into work tomorrow explain you have found out who she is and that she is a friend of an ex friend of yours and leave it there.

Go back first thing in the morning and explain the situation. You have done nothing wrong and you need to make sure you stand up for yourself. This should have no bearing on you as an employee and if your managers are decent they will see this for the childish malice it is

What an unpleasant and unprofessional thing for someone to do.

I think you should tell your line manager what you have discovered. They should not hold a personal issue against you.

Is there not a breach of confidentiality by discussing the name with a friend outside work place

It's a tricky one - while discussing it with your manager would be the fairest option for you, I would also be wary about letting them know you've discussed a client outside of work, just in case of any breach of confidentiality.....

Oh that is shit. Was the falling out related to your profession though?

I'd go in and say you called a friend, and have discovered she is close to someone you used to know who you had a disagreement with and that's the only reason you can think of for her not wanting to work with you, as you've never met her.

How childish.

Maybe this goes against the grain but I'd just stick to, "I'm sorry, I can't give you any more information, I don't know that person." Rise completely above it and ask them to find out from her - she'll be the one who looks like an utter child trying to explain her behaviour. I wouldn't do anything!!!

Once you tell your manager it's out there. You can choose to tell them at any point in the future but I really wouldn't - let her squirm

Your ex friend sounds like trouble.

And her new friend sounds hilariously petty.

I kind of agree with PP who said to say nothing. Rise above it.

Agree with neverender, stick with the "I don't know this person" line - for a start it's true and for another thing, it'll blow over quicker. If you go in and say you know who it is, they'll think you knew all along, which will make you look untrustworthy, presumably the desired effect.

FWIW, I knew a woman who did this to her ex best buddy. She wrote an anonymous letter to her employer (independent retail), saying that she was a big spender in the shop and would withdraw her own custom and persuade everyone she knew to withdraw theirs if the ex friend wasn't fired. Friend was fired, the whole town knew, and knew who had done it, but the friend was powerless.

Advice would probably depend on the nature of your work and the nature of your falling out.

However I agree with others personally I would just stick to “I don’t know and have never met that person”.

Your bosses, who know you, should have more faith in your integrity than in a strangers,

I’d be making sure my social media settings were rock solid (including Linked In)

@albertasimmons I'm totally gobsmacked by that! Poor woman. I hope she took them to court for unfair dismissal.

Op, not sure what to suggest. The problem is that you now know a possible connection. If you deny any knowledge now, you may look guilty. I'd tell them the exact truth. But only if they ask.

I hate when grown adults act like school bullies, how ridiculous to potentially compromise someone's career, especially when you only have someone else's opinion of them

I wouldn't say anything you don't know her you have no reason to think she is connected to a ex friend so stick with that.

This is business so while she is obviously petty enough to make about will she really want to come over unprofessionally by bad mouthing you? Ignore her project and her work get on with your own.

There is every chance if she is petty enough to make this a condition of her business then she will be a bit of a nightmare client anyway!

What an odd thing to do. It sounds like the new friend is deliberately trying to impugn your professional reputation.

I was agreeing with explaining you had found out what the connection is, however on reflection there is the risk that asking about her could backfire, so I would be inclined to follow up in writing to confirm that as per your meeting you have never heard of this individual before and have never met her.

To be fair I can think of a number of legitimate reasons for not wanting a stranger I’d heard bad things about to handle my accounts.

It entirely depends on the argument and the nature of the profession.

However personally I’d just take my business elsewhere.

Totally depends on what you do for a living re: breach of confidentiality

But nobody will believe you if you say you have never heard of her. They will think that you're lying.

I'd just say, "I had a friend that I lost touch with because of (and I'd explain a little about it.) I haven't seen her since. I've asked around and apparently Mrs X is her new best friend."

Why did your bosses think they had to tell you about this?
How did they present it to you? Because I would have thought from the point of view of both discretion and the request of the client would have disbarred them from even informing you of the identity/existence of their new client.
I am sorry, I just do not understand the scenario of calling you in to tell you about a client that they do not want you to deal with. It sounds extremely unpro.

I worked in health care in a tiny village. Scenes like this are fairly common in small towns.
Stay professional, the truth is you don’t know this woman. However do ask your employer what you should do in the event of a situation where you are forced to interact with her (emergency).
Where I worked people who had such requests were usually assigned to one individual. As their malicious tendencies usually spread to include ever more staff.