Mortified at work

[BlackVel]

3 years ago I fell out with my oldest friend. We haven’t spoken since. I haven’t seen or heard from her in all that time.

I was called into a meeting with a manager today regarding a concern they had. A new client had requested I have nothing to do with their work/case and was not allowed to access any of their files. I had no idea who this person was when they told me her name and could only sit with my mouth gaping and explaining I had no idea who they were or what the problem would be.

My work has always be fine, no issues. But I feel like they don’t believe me and suddenly think that I’m untrustworthy or something. They kept saying “well it’s quite unusual, are you sure you don’t know her”

I called another friend on the way home and asked her if she knew this person. Turns out she is new best friend of my ex best friend.

I don’t know what to do as it all seems so childish and work will be thinking there’s no smoke without fire!

But nobody will believe you if you say you have never heard of her. They will think that you're lying. No. Eventually bosses will talk to bosses and the unknown woman will be asked why.... then she will have to find a way of explaining why a non work acquaintance was so influential on her work decision, why she was so unquestioning and possibly bringing her employer into disrepute.

ALL OP has to do is repeat "I do not know who she is" and let it play out as it will. She is not lying, the other woman can't get round that!

It must have been really upsetting. I wouldn’t go back and mention it though. It could cause more problems if you say you have been talking about the client to someone outside of the company.

Do you work on a setting where you deal with very sensitive information- such as medical or social care setting? If so, I could probably see it from the other person’s side, depending on what happened between you and the ex-friend. That said, there is no reason your employer has to honour their wishes.

It might be no harm to inform your employer, via email, that you’re aware of a personal link with this individual, you believe their reason for getting in touch was vexatious, and you would also prefer not to be in a position where you have to be involved with them but would like a procedure communicated to you on how your employer wishes for you to act if you do come into contact with them (or, they ring the office and you happen to answer the phone).

You also need to ask how they intend to respond to this individual. The person has no right to any information about you, or your work. Your employer’s response should be nothing more that something along the lines of “hello X, please be advised that your contact for COMPANY is AN Other who can be contacted on 02070000000 in relation to any queries on your account”.

If you’re, for example, a medical receptionist who receives inbound calls and this person thinks they’re entitled to have someone else arrange their appointments/prescription requests etc, they’re wrong.

I agree with sticking with the ‘I don’t know who this person is’ line.

Where I work there are 2 members of staff that have had clients come in and said must not have anything to do with their jobs! Both for personal reasons, our boss thinks it's a bit silly really and thinks no less of my colleagues.

With the information given it appears to be a very childish way of behaving but without knowing your profession or the nature of your falling out with your friend, it's impossible to say if the friend of a friend was justified in asking this. If she was your oldest friend the falling out must have been over something fairly serious? As others have said, I'd rise above it and say no more other than you don't know the person involved.

I had similar, except the person who refused to work with me was someone who I'd reported for intimidating behaviour in a previous job. I was completely right to report them, but it was very awkward trying to explain that to my (relatively) new employer.

You are going to have to go in with more than “ I do not know her”
As your managers did not find this plausible enough.
If I were you, I would say that you have found out that she is the friend of a former mutual friend, not colleague, you do not know why she does not want you working on the case.

Ultimately your bosses are there to make money. If she is a client, she is billable. Just say, if it makes it easier all round, you have no problems not being assigned to the case, assign you to something else and then just leave it.

After making money, next on list, bosses want solutions not problems. The waters have been muddied, so you have to be ultra professional around matters pertaining to this client

Something similar happened to a friend of mine as well. Except it was the ex friends partner that emailed her new job and said she had been sacked from previous jobs for abusing residents (care homes)

Which is a horrible thing to be accused of but also easy to find out.

They had also put her wrong name and their dates were wrong.

My friend did lose her job over that and almost her life as she was suicidal over it and it broke up her marriage.

Weird how long people hold grudges and then go for revenge. I do not know the nature of your work but if it would involve any info about the ex friend, maybe she just does not want you to know rather than claiming that you are incompetent. You could ask, if any complaints have been made about you. You could also explain that you do not know her but did some research and she is a friend of an ex friend. I worked for the government and if I recognised any names, I had to declare that I knew them and never touch the case again, so I was not biased or seen to be showing favourtism. It was a bit annoying but probably saved me grief as friends would call and ask if I could look at their case or fast track it. If you are working for something like the government or council, you know about confidentiality and will know that it is not like choosing a company, they will not have a choice if they had to claim for something.

grandtheft if she was innocent and it was easy to disprove why did she lose her job?

It sounds like a private client situation to me so there will be no ‘bosses speaking to bosses’ and the woman won’t in any way have to ‘squirm’ - her request will simply be granted as she is the customer.

In which case I would very much explain straight away from a standpoint of ‘I have no idea why this 3 year old argument is still an issue, it isn’t for me’ - you will rightly come across as by far the more mature and reasonable party!

I would be horrified,
I think maybe you need to give a brief explanation of what you have found out.
If the women is willing to say this to them then she could say or do so much more.
Don't let her have all the control.

I personally think it will look worse if you just robotically repeat “I do not know this person”. They’ll think it odd and could ask the other person directly what the issue is.

If it were me, I would casually mention to my line manager that you’d asked a couple of friends about the name and it turns out it’s a friend of someone who you fell out with and you think that’s the reason she won’t have anything to do with you.

Unless of course the reason you fell out is because she accused you of stealing something and then it obviously depends on what the true story was.

I can’t believe that someone got the sack because someone else threatened to boycott the company and tell all their friends to as well. It sounds so childish and a professional organisation would simply laugh off small-town gossip and bratty people looking for revenge for being slighted in some way.

Because she'd changed her name since she'd left one job to go to another they phoned for references and the old job said no one with that name had worked there so it looked dodgy.

They had given her shifts etc before that happened. Even though my friend explained about the name change and gave all details about the old boss they wouldn't accept it and thought she was trying to hide things so they let her go.

But I think she was still in her probationary period so tbh they didn't even need to interview her over it and could've just let her go.

This was back in 2009. She's now moved on with her life and is happy etc. She talks about it from time to time if people are wanting to work there.

I think it depends on why you fell out. If she was being a bridezilla and you had enough, fine. If you threatened to kill her rabbit then it turned up dead but with not enough evidence for a court to convict that’s something else. What happened between you.

I agree you shouldn't discuss it any further with your employer. I imagine they're probably just being nosy more than anything.

If the new client had genuine valid concerns about your professionalism, this would have been raised at the time said she didn't want you dealing with her.

If you're asked again about it, advise they ask the client in question about it. Reiterate you don't know the person or why she's made this request.

I've asked for an agent to have nothing to do with a house sale. I'd dealt with her previously in a totally unrelated business and she was an abusive nut.

I personally think it will look worse if you just robotically repeat “I do not know this person”. They’ll think it odd and could ask the other person directly what the issue is And that is what OP wants to happen.

As when they do ask the other person she will have to say that she doesn't actually know OP but her BFF does...

Do you work on a setting where you deal with very sensitive information- such as medical or social care setting?

I work in a field similar to social care and we we absolutely do not work with a client we know, or who is a close family member of anyone we know.

It leads to too many potential conflicts of interest.

It is very hard when you feel that your boss doesn't trust you. Brene Brown, the social scientist explains a lot about this in her research about the affect of this on our brains. It basically makes us operate from the limbic part of our brain (fight, flight, freeze) and causes us to 'underperform' because in this state we can't think laterally or creatively.
I hope this helps.