To think my friend is unusual

[EeyoresEars]

Sorry, useless with my phone and posted too soon on my other thread. This is what I meant to ask. Asked MN to delete the other one.

Arranged to meet up with a friend who lives on the same estate as me. We see each other at children’s centre stuff quite often but don’t normally meet up 1 to 1.

We arranged to meet one afternoon so I texted her that morning to say would 2pm be alright. She texted back to say her DS (who’s 3.5) naps from 1 until about 3.45 so she could either meet me at the entrance to the estate at 4pm or at the park or library etc at 4.30 if I was going to be out already.

I texted back to say that’s a bit too late for us as my DC normally have tea about 5.30 so we aim to be home for about 4.45 to get tea on. She didn’t reply but then when I saw her this morning at a children’s centre session she said she was really shocked that I “don’t go out after 4pm” and that it must be “really restricting” to have a strict schedule like that.

AIBU to think it’s unusual for a 3.5 year old to nap that late in the afternoon? She often says he’s difficult at bedtime, which I’m not surprised about if he’s napping until nearly 4pm! Or am I unusual for aiming to be back home around 4.45 to do tea for young DC? I guess I thought people just do what works for them but as she seems to think there’s something wrong with my routine I wondered if I’m actually unusual.

Neither of you are that unusual. Im not a big fan of strict routines but if they work for other people thats great. You will both just have to arrange before naptime next time.

I think it's really weird how early British kids are made to eat. Also the fact that lots of them eat at different times to their parents.

I generally aim to be in at 5 for a meal. But I don't exclude something social with a meal. An evening picnic at the park is one of our favourite summer cheap entertainments.

Well, yes, her schedule sounds more unusual than yours tbh. Is there any flexibility in either or your lives though. If not you might never meet up until the kids are at high school.

I don't think either of you are unusual. You just have conflicting timetables. Some kids do carry on napping for a long time. Some people eat later so don't have to be home so early.
My dc used to nap in the morning. I had a friend who's dc napped in the afternoon. Made meeting up tricky...

I think your DC evening meal is rather early. Ours have 'nursery tea' at 4.30, at nursery, or if at home, a snack like crackers and cheese. Then supper is about 6.30pm (earlier than we would like but means we get to spend time with the DC). Once a week we eat on our own, in which case DC eat supper at 6 and we eat at 8.30.

Like you said people do just what works for them and your friends comments were silly. Frankly speaking, I never let any of mine nap beyond 4pm, although we slipped sometimes and paid for it dearly.
We also didn’t plan outings after 4pm for the same reasons you cited, which is getting dc tea and ensuring they go to bed on time. Unless of course you have pre arranged baby sitting then it doesn’t matter.

She's no more unusual than you. You're just different people.

Well I’d try not let a toddler nap till 3.45 unless they were sick as it would make an early bedtime a problem But I guess if later bedtimes weren’t a problem it’s ok. Though with them coming up to school age I’d not be happy to let such a lat nap carry on much longer.

Neither of you are wrong you just have different thinking around naps I guess. It’s going to be very hard to get together though. I know more parents who wouldn’t want their toddler napping till late pm than I do ones who would be ok with it, saying that.

Is there a reason you can't meet up in the mornings instead?

Her child does seem to nap quite late, and she'll need to cut it down, or out, soon because they'll be starting reception soon I would have thought.

But she's also correct that your timings must be fairly restrictive, giving your child dinner fairly early. (I used to do dinner for about 6-6.30.)

However, she hasn't noticed the irony of her opinion, considering she's also restricted, due to her child's nap time!

Surely it’s just different routines? Mine both dropped their naps at 20 months which frankly made life so much easier as we weren’t tied to the house at nap time (they would both only nap in their cots). If we’re at home they normally eat at 5/5.30 but that doesn’t mean I’d decline an invite that meant we were out after that, I’d just give a late snack and later dinner/take a picnic/grab something while we’re out.

I think it's really weird how early British kids are made to eat
It’s not weird to eat early at all. My dc have to be up at 7 for school so need to be in bed by 7/7.30pm at the latest. I’m one of the lucky ones - they’re really good sleepers and need between 11/12 hours a night. Hey eat at 5.30 so they have time for food to settle before bath/bed routine at 6.45. Although, I do go out in the afternoons quite a bit. I either take food with me go grab them something while we’re out. Having a nap that long in the afternoon is strange though.

You are both weird.

I don’t see why you’re any more tied to a routine than she is though, it’s just a different routine.

My 3.5 year old sometimes naps around that time but then I know he won't go to bed until 8:30 / 9pm. It's by no means regular though, just if we've had a busy day.

But then we also don't have dinner until 6:30 / 7pm and his regular bedtime is 8pm.

Your both being pretty inflexible imo.
I'd arrange to meet in the mornings in the future! 😁

I think it's really weird how early British kids are made to eat

I don’t force feed them at 5pm , that’s just when they’re hungry.
They have to be up at 7.15am ish. They need 12 hours sleep to function so are in bed for 7.15pm. Dinner at 5/5.30pm is perfectly reasonable!

I never understand why people eat so late! lol. As kids, I always gave mine dinner around 5:30/6 and we all ate together. Even now that I'm just cooking for me I usually eat around 6:30, 7 at a push! I can't imagine eating at 8:30/9, that seems incredibly "late" to me. But then I can often be in bed by 10 so for me it would be eating very close to bed time.

2hr 45min nap at 3.5 is odd!

I f find it weird that you proclaim to be friends but are basically slagging each other off. She has a strict routine as do you.

I think you should both get over it.

You're right OP - the other thread is much more entertaining.

I think it’s just her way of saying that she was pissed off that you couldn’t meet, so she’s decided you are “wrong” for being different to her.

It’s just a difference in schedules that’s a OP. YABU.

12 hours is a blanket statement for how much sleep a kid needs.

If my 4yo DD had a nap at that time (any time in the day now to be honest) I'd never get her to sleep in the evening.. I miss the days of daytime naps!

A kid needs 12 hours sleep? Are you for real?