To change DS's school - am I being a hypocrite?

[Bathroomwoes]

Hi all,

A year and a half ago we applied to our local schools for my first child. Whilst many friends were moving house and temporarily renting etc to get their children into the best schools in the area, I consider this sort of behaviour to be wrong and we did not move to be close to perceived better schools, although we were forced to move just prior to application date for other reasons. I have fairly strong views about education and fairness. DH shares these views in a general sense but would consider private school as a back up option if children not happy on school.

We didn't get our first preference school because we were too far and the catchment shrank considerable that year due to sibling preference kicking in (relatively new school). We were disappointed - I liked the ethos of 1st preference and felt it would better suit my child who is very sensitive and can be highly strung. However, we put it behind us and focussed on making the best of 2nd preference.

We then ended up having to move again just after schools started in September (don't ask!). This time it is a long term move. All within the same local area, however we are now extremely close to 1st preference and 10-15 walk (DS speed) from 2nd preference current school.

DS school got off to a chaotic start, felt very disorganised, poor communication with parents and so on. We couldn't go into the classrooms and we felt very disconnected. However we've heard this isn't unusual.

I was also never keen on the long school day compared to other primary schools.

More significantly, DS has not responded well to the behaviour management system and seems to go into negative spirals where he gets censured for not listening/following instructions and his behaviour jusy deteriorates. He actually seemed down/sad during particularly bad weeks and would say he's bad and seemed to view himself as being incapable of being good.

To be fair to the school they are dealing with this and things have been much better since they tried to reduce the negative behaviour management and focus on the positive. However, the other issues at the school continue and there is very high turnover of teachers and head teachers.

I now feel like giving up on the school and moving him to our original 1st preference which is also now our local school. They will have a place in the next academic year and we are close enough to be almost sure to get it.

DH thinks I'm being a hypocrite and am just the same as people moving to get into preferred school. I disagree (obvs!) since it hasn't been a calculated plan but there are a number of aspects of local school which I think would work for DS's temperament.

Do you think I am being a hypocrite and do you think you would move DS in my position?

Thanks!

If your son was settled and happy and this school was working well for him you wouldn't be looking at moving him.

However I would agree with those who have said, look very carefully at the other school, visit, ask questions about the things that now, nearly 1 year in, you know matter to your son. Ideally you will not need to move his school again until senior school, unless you yourselves have to move area again.

I would also say, seriously consider visiting any local private school options that could be suitable. It is very possible that this state school will suit you much better, it is possible that your local independents will be focussed on things that don't work for your son. It is also possible that you will see something at an independent school that makes you realise that, as you don't get second chances with your children, maybe it is worth it. My husband wasn't keen on private schooling, but after we visited a couple when our eldest was small he never made any more comment about state schools, as he was so impressed by what was on offer in our area.

Our eldest by the way moved from her first (independent) school to a different one at 9 because the first one wasn't meeting her needs - one reason being that leadership had changed and the ethos of the school was changing. Things are never guaranteed to go right whatever type of school you go for!

You need to put your child first but tbh you sound overly invested in your sense of principles. You're playing top trumps on whether or not you're a hypocrite when what matters is your son. You are only a hypocrite if you're refusing to consider a private school because of your principles whilst considering the local school because it matches your principles.
Either you put your son paramount (whether that means state or private) or you put your principles first. imo you're walking a morally dubious line and I can see why your DH said you were a hypocrite.
Personally I'd put DS to the school where I thought he would be most happy.

Thanks for the comments, a lot of food for thought.

We certainly wouldn't want to move DS again and so we will only move him when we reach a point that we are as sure as can be that the local school will be better for him. I am arranging to meet with the HT and visit the school again.

We did not move close to the school in order to send DS there, it was just the best place for us when we were looking (commute/type of property etc). We stuck with the school DS was originally given and did not ask to be kept on the waiting list of the local school beyond the start ofbthe academic year.

I don't worry about another child having to take his place at current school as if that is a negative thing for that child - that child's parents will have made an in year application to the school, therefore presumably they would be very keen to get that place (e.g. moved into the area).

It is hard. But it does feel like changing school will be good for him and I am hopeful about him getting a place although good point about looked after/SEN children having preference, that did not occur to me.