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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To barely remember my child's first year?

39 replies

Carouselfish · 05/06/2018 00:06

Or is this everyone? I was sleep-deprived but not unusually so, but I only remember three or four specific things and those are actions, things I did with my DD, not anything she did or what she was like, what she looked like etc. She's 3 now.
I had a friend over with their 1 year old today and she asked me whether DD did this or that at that age - I had no idea.
DM and my ExP talk about things that DD did and I just don't remember.
It's really sad actually.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 05/06/2018 00:08

I don’t know if it’s common or usual but I’m the same.

GrandTheftWalrus · 05/06/2018 00:09

I barely remember her first 6 months and that makes me really sad.

Snowysky20009 · 05/06/2018 00:10

I'm the same for both of mine, I think it's normal

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/06/2018 00:10

It's like a fog. I was incredibly sleep-deprived though.

Domino20 · 05/06/2018 00:12

If it wasn't for pictures I wouldn't know if been there! Most disconcerting!

PandaPieForTea · 05/06/2018 00:13

I remember thinking that I’d remember all of it. But actually it is pretty monotonous, so has blended into a blur. I remember a few very cute moments and we have photos and videos. But not a lot about personality.

Bambamber · 05/06/2018 00:13

I made an email account to send emails with all little developmental things and little achievements and things we did. I wouldn't really remember otherwise either

foxpox · 05/06/2018 00:14

If I hadn't written it down and taken pictures then no, I wouldn't. In fact if it wasn't for calendars I would have no idea how much time had elapsed. Sometimes it feels like years pass in weeks and some days time seems to grind to a halt.

moofolk · 05/06/2018 00:14

It might seem sad now you DD is 3 but in a few years it won't matter at all. I had three close together (DC1 then twins) and the first few years are just a blur. to be honest my twenties are a bit like that too

Also who cares when they first eat beans right? Your friend with brand new PFB thinks she'll remember these things forever but she won't! They aren't as important as you think at the time.

keep a diary if you think it would help and it bothers you?

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 05/06/2018 00:15

I think parenting is like that. You are just dealing with the here and now, you barely remember what went before. It must be evolutional. I look back at videos and old fb posts and think fuck I had forgotten that! She's 7 now...

moofolk · 05/06/2018 00:16

@foxpox that reminds me of something someone said when mine were little that rings true now

The days are slow but the years are fast.

elQuintoConyo · 05/06/2018 00:19

I read thread titles saying 'when did you start weaning', 'when did your dc start talking', 'when did your baby sleep through?' and i think "er..."

He's only 6.5yo, still such a small pickle, but i am flabbergasted by how little i remember. Thank fuck for Hoffman albums and the video recorder!

ifcatscouldtalk · 05/06/2018 00:31

I feel the same.I'd always thought it was because I struggled with the first year and was muddling through. This is weird as generally I have a good memory for the smaller details of events and every day stuff that other people forget.

Original poster

Carouselfish · 05/06/2018 00:47

I like that moo. Yeah, I suppose I wish I'd taken the time to write some things down. Don't normally have a bad memory. Just wish I'd appreciated it all more at the time, definitely a fog for me too.

OP posts:

sandgrown · 05/06/2018 07:00

My PFB is now in his thirties. My first few months were terrible as I tried to adjust to having a new baby while working full time in our business. It took me years , and more children, to realise I actually suffered with PND at the time. I still feel guilty I cannot not remember his first year . This thread has made me feel better. thank you .

WonderTweek · 05/06/2018 08:03

Oh god yes. My baby only started sleeping more than two hours at a time at around 10 months and that’s where I’ve started to remember things. I have some flashbacks of geocaching with a six-month-old baby in the woods last year but that’s about it. I’m glad my husband got me one of those “one line a day” diaries so I can at least read what we’ve been up to. Although to be fair, even now when I’m catching up on the diary writing I find it very hard to remember what we’ve done last week. I’m still sleep deprived...

But yes, the fog is perfectly normal. Maybe you’ll forget about the hard bits and get little flashbacks of the good times. :)

charityhallet · 05/06/2018 08:18

My Mum has theory that this is to do with lack 9f sleep & related inability to create long term memories. I remember more of my eldest's first year, but not as much of my middle child's (22m gap). This makes me feel incredibly guilty.

With DC3, I tried and failed miserably to write in this every day - www.amazon.co.uk/One-Line-Day-Five-Year-Memory/dp/0811870197?tag=mumsnetforum-21.

GothMummy · 05/06/2018 08:23

Barely remember any of DD's first 3 years....a horrible sleep deprived depressed blur mostly rushing from childminder to work 5 days a week..... DS though I have good memories of but then I only worked 15 hours a week then and spent a lot of time in toddler groups and playing with him, my PFB!

glueandstick · 05/06/2018 09:16

Oh god I thought I was the only one. I barely remember anything at all. I thought it was me failing. So reassuring.

MrsJayy · 05/06/2018 09:22

I had mine pre internet and I do think this putting everysingle smile burp fart online isgood for looking back on because I think not remembering is normal the 1st year is a total blur ime.

StarUtopia · 05/06/2018 09:25

I had my 2nd not long after my first...people were saying, Oh well at least you know exactly what you're doing etc, just gone through it with no 1.

Erm. No. I literally felt like I'd never even had a baby!

They're 4 and 5 now and I can't remember anything at all about their first few years - I was definitely in a sleep deprived haze!

Eve · 05/06/2018 09:26

DS1 is 19 and DS2 16 and I barely remember their primary school years!

(both were terrible sleepers - both sleep til early afternoon now if given the chance!)

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/06/2018 09:45

Once they're adult, you'll find you barely remember anything about their childhoods, just a few highlights. Rather like your memories of your own childhood. Bit embarrassing when you get them muddled and think one child did something that was actually done by the other!

AhoyDelBoy · 05/06/2018 10:00

I'm the same and feel very guilty about it. DD is only 8 months old and I can't really remember exactly what she has been like at specific ages

Eighttimeseight · 05/06/2018 10:01

I write letters to my kids in a diary. Each of my three has a book that I suppose they'll get when I die!

Bit random - might be two letters in a month and then none for a year. But I just write about what they are like, things we've done, cute things they say, etc. I put in bits of info about me too. I love looking back at previous letters - my memory is shocking.

Some letters are a few pages and others just a few lines.

I plan on putting in advice and things I've learned too. My mother died when I was very young and I know very little about her.

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