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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be unhappy my child's phone was confiscated?

487 replies

Phoneproblems · 04/06/2018 16:23

I have no issues with the phone itself being confiscated but apparently it is only to be returned on Friday - surely this cannot be right?

OP posts:
lifechangesforever · 04/06/2018 17:09

This is common practice in my friend's teenage daughter's school - phones are only returned on a Friday at finishing time so depending on when they've 'done the crime' it could be 5 days without.

HollyGoLoudly · 04/06/2018 17:10

I work in a school and phones can be the bane of my life at times, the amount of disruption that can be caused in and out of lessons because of what goes on over messengers apps is incredible. We also confiscate but even I think a whole week is harsh. Can't imagine they are legally allowed to keep it or that they would even try to keep it if a parent asks for it back (whether or not it's technically in your name or not).

We used to have a rule where confiscated phones could ONLY be picked up by parents - this lead in some cases to it taking more than a week to get it back if the parents didn't have time to collect it or wanted to teach their kids a lesson. You would think the kid had lost a limb without it Confused

TeenTimesTwo · 04/06/2018 17:10

OP. I'm with the school. If it is imperative the DC has a phone for the next 4 days then lend them yours or get a cheap simple one. Actually a cheap simple one might be a good idea if they can't stick to the rules.
Pupils taking photos in school can lend itself to all sorts of bullying etc which is why some schools take a hard line on it.
Adding inconvenience to the parents is a way to get the message home to the DC, as they get their parents moaning at them as well as the school.

ShellyBoobs · 04/06/2018 17:10

...challenge them on their authority for refusing to hand back your rightful property.

I’d read the legislation first.

Buxbaum · 04/06/2018 17:11

Go and get it if you must but for the love of God don't give it back to your child until Friday unless you specifically want to undermine the school and store up a whole heap of problems for yourself down the line.

The school's policy is designed as a deterrent for the child. Presumably you agreed to the schools' rules when you enrolled your child. Your child has now broken those rules and needs to face the consequences.

GeorgeTheHippo · 04/06/2018 17:12

You need to back up the school here. Confiscation for a day is no punishment at all, because the kid shouldn't be using it at school anyway.

ChocolateWombat · 04/06/2018 17:12

What's your issue about this? Is it that you think there is some kind of legal right to property here which you think you need to enforce? If so, is this because you are a big legal enforcer in all areas of life, or is it because you are someone who generally resists school rules and any kind of discipline of your child and so your annoyance over the phone thing is another way to show disapproval of the schools approach? Have there been other instances of you making a case against the schools approach towards your child?

I just ask these questions to try to get a sense of what the issue is here and your approach to school. Are you generally a parent who is supportive of the school and its policies, both generally and when applied to your child, or are you someone who is always looking to complain and thinks the school is out to get your child or that any rules shouldn't ply to your child and you will try to get them dis-applied when applied?

So, if you are generally a very supportive parent who backs up the school, and think that the approach shown over this phone has been reported accurately by your child and doesn't reflect the school policy properly, then it might be worth emailing with a query about what has happened and the school policy on mobile removal. A query always works better than a complaint or demand.

If however, you are a parent who is regularly in conflict with the school and annoyed by its policies and challenging them, I'd suggest just thinking a bit more carefully about how you approach this.

Schools do make mistakes in terms of applying their own policies and in terms of discipline. Quite often, with a minor example, the best approach is to teach children that sometimes these things happen and that one of life's lessons is just getting on with it and accepting it, rather than always wanting someone to wade in. Of course, if there is a more serious example or it is regular, then parents should get involved.....again, a polite query is usually more productive than a big rant.

WilburIsSomePig · 04/06/2018 17:13

...challenge them on their authority for refusing to hand back your rightful property.

Yeah, you show the school who's boss! Never mind adhering to those pesky school policies which are there for the benefit of your child.

Nodancingshoes · 04/06/2018 17:13

I wouldn't be happy either. Fair enough it should be confiscated but should be returned at the end of the school day. My ds1 phone was taken away and I had to collect from the office. We live a long way from the school and ds uses the phone to contact me about arrangements for getting home etc... Schools should be mindful of this when setting up punishments.

Moussemoose · 04/06/2018 17:13

Do the school rules state that the phone will be given back after a period of time? If the rules state that then you should already be aware of the fact or did you not read the rules?

Read the rules if you don't like them change school. Simple.

Flowerfae · 04/06/2018 17:15

In years to come, we'll have probably lost the use of our voice because it won't be needed. Blimmin computers and texting on mobile phones. Maybe our voices will be replaced by extra fingers or something with our neck and chin will be probably fused into chest Grin

Scrumptiousbears · 04/06/2018 17:17

Don't be one of those parents OP. Support the school. Your DC went against the rules and this is the punishment. If you leave the school to it the chances are your DC won't do it again. If you get it back and cause a fuss your DC will learn if they mess up mummy with kick off and they won't be punished.

Whattheactualfuckmate · 04/06/2018 17:19

Go in the school and get it

Rachie1973 · 04/06/2018 17:20

I dare say they would give it back to you if you went and asked for it.

I'd be inclined to support the school over this though.

Bluelady · 04/06/2018 17:20

Surely a child can live without a phone for four days? I know I could.

o0o0o · 04/06/2018 17:21

Yes they can do this.

I worked in a school where the phone would be confiscated for two weeks, to be collected by parent. When the policy was first introduced we had a ton of irate parents coming in demanding the phone back, claiming we had stolen it, etc. Some even phoned the police who wanted nothing to do with it and told them the school had every right to keep it as per their mobile phone policy.

It really was the best thing to happy to the school behaviour wise

noblegiraffe · 04/06/2018 17:21

“What the law allows:
• Schools’ general power to discipline, as circumscribed by Section 91 of the Education and Inspections Act 2006, enables a member of staff to confiscate, retain or dispose of a pupil’s property as a disciplinary penalty, where reasonable to do so.”

So yes, legally they can do this.

mookinsx · 04/06/2018 17:21

Go into the school and ask for it back - let them know you agree with them taking it but you want dc to have it for safety etc. Maybe continue to enforce the confiscation at home so dc knows you won't always be on their side when they are in trouble

ChocolateWombat · 04/06/2018 17:22

Fortunately there aren't many on this thread who are seeing the school as the enemy, with the parent needing to march in and reclaim property which has been effectively stolen from their innocent child.

Unfortunatley, there are always one or two who have a knee-jerk reaction and will defend their child against any action or discipline regardless of whether it it warranted or not.

Metoodear · 04/06/2018 17:22

If you were told
No phones and you have him a phone to take to school what do you expect

Sirzy · 04/06/2018 17:23

No wonder so many children have so little regard for school rules when their parents reinforce that they aren’t for them!

ChocolateWombat · 04/06/2018 17:23

Op, are you a parent who is supportive of the school?

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/06/2018 17:23

Assuming you're in England or Wales, the school is legally entitled to confiscate the phone and keep it for a "reasonable" period of time if that is in keeping with their policies. "Reasonable" is not set in stone, but up to 7 days is common if what is confiscated isn't perishable.

Metoodear · 04/06/2018 17:25

He’s needs it for safety Hmm is he the queen

If he can’t make it home with out being on constant contact he isn’t ready to be unattended

How did you manage op to get from high school to home pre mobile days

inabeautifulplace · 04/06/2018 17:26

"If you get it back and cause a fuss your DC will learn if they mess up mummy with kick off and they won't be punished."

And you can absolutely guarantee that your DC will be boasting about it to the other kids. Which means that further confiscations will become a headache for the school. Which means that eventually, they'll probably be banned anyway.

I genuinely think it's best to let the school determine the rules and punishments on things like this. Having said that, if there's context for them having a phone outside school then you could ask if they'd reconsider and suggest a compromise.

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