AIBU to ask you to tell me your uni experiences

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DD is 19, did very well with A Levels and after a gap year to save money she’s heading off to uni in September.

However, she loves her job, the people, a promotion is in the balance soon and she’s completely smitten with her boyfriend. Three months before going, she’s worried that she’s going to be lonely, unhappy and bored at her uni.

She’s visited her uni, has friends there and previously was overjoyed. It’s only two hours away, she’ll have long holidays and she’ll still be able to see her boyfriend and local friends during these holidays. Her boyfriend may even move up with her next summer.

She’s now so worried she won’t enjoy it, so I offered to post here to ask people for their uni experiences. I’m hoping it’ll help show her it will be an amazing, fun and independent experience. If the replies are what I expect anyway.

Só those of you who went to uni: did you enjoy it? Did you like the independence? Did you get on well? Would you recommend halls compared to living at home?

Thank you

It's a meh time of life for me too. I did have fun and I did meet some really lovely people and some are still very good friends now - I didn't meet them through my course though, which I mostly hated!

On reflection I think the mistake I made was going to uni for the sake of it and not because I really wanted to study my subject. Is she genuinely interested in what she'll be studying and does it have a good career path? Uni is so expensive now that I think this is more important now than it was when I went.

I also had a pretty ‘meh’ experience at Un. I don’t regret it because I wouldn’t be in the job I am in today if I hadn’t gone but I didn’t make any friends for life. We were good friends at the time but once the three years were over we all easily went our separate ways.

I did do a study abroad year though which I can honestly say was the best period of my life. I loved and made the most of every second of it.

Sorry, I realise that probably isn’t helpful to you or your DD but I think there are so many different ways people experience University.

It was easily the happiest of my life. Twenty years on I have a very secure career s f poodbly the highest earner for someone my age (not yet 40)

I got away from very strict parents and became so confident and happy. I still miss those years (that said becoming a mother has been a deeper more fulfilling period but I am glad I waited until my thirties)

I was desperately homesick, but I was 6 hours away. I enjoyed the social life and partying and got a 2:1 degree, but 20 years later I still have 15000k debt. My year was the first year for tuition fees and I had to use a loan for maintenance even though I worked part-time. Looking back I wouldn't do it again so young (just 18). I would wait a few years, especially if I already had a good job. My husband left school with one art qualification and now earns much more than me as he did a trade apprenticeship, and no debt. If your daughter is unsure, I'd encourage her to wait a while.

I think to be completely honest if she already has a job she loves and a possibility of promotion it would really make me think twice!

Must be a very difficult choice for her.

Personally, I drank and partied too much the first year, tried to sort myself out 2nd year and spent most of third year an anxious wreck. BUT that was me being a bloody idiot.

I'm swayed to her not going simply because of the awful stories of hard working students with fresh degrees not being able to find jobs once they leave.

I’m not sure why she’s changed her mind. The promotion gets her more money, but it’s still not a career. It’s a small retail store, not a chain so there’s not much progression after this promotion.

Her boyfriend is actually a very lovely guy, who loves her to bits. He’s a few years older and has a job, he’s already told her to go to uni and said if they are truly meant to be together their relationship will survive a distance of 60 miles. He’s encouraging her to go, so he’s not the reason holding her back

Not trying to boast here, but we are a close family and I don’t think she wants to leave when she finally feels settled and happy. She had a hard time at school. The past year she has blossomed into a happy, confident young woman (her boyfriend is partly to thank for this, he has instilled a sense of worth she never had before and taught her to love herself) and I think she’s afraid of losing this if she goes to uni and turns into a quiet, shy girl again.

She’s genuinely interested in the subject, and a very academic person

I've just finished university - first year was amazing (new friends, independence etc), second year I hated (horrible housemates) but thankfully third year was great (apart from dissertation writing!) so was a mixed bag but mostly positive!

Would definitely recommend halls - I was so nervous to move and it ended up being the best year full of the greatest memories! Everyone else is in the same boat so the nerves disappear quickly.

I did feel homesick at times but kept in touch via FaceTime, plus I knew it was just a 4hr train home (seems a long journey but after three years it whizzes by!). Good that she already has friends there to make it seem a bit more familiar.

Would her job be able to keep her on for holidays? I work in a similar environment to retail and worked busy periods like Christmas and the summer holidays when I was home.

I didn't particularly like uni. I did three years of architecture, met my DP but failed 3rd year and flunked out. I hated halls, I didn't have friends, and I didn't drink so the student life was not for me! I then went straight through clearing and into a civil engineering undergrad course. I loved that course but again, couldn't really say I like the uni experience as a whole. I just treated it as a means to an end. I did a postgrad after that and surprise surprise...I still didn't like it!

My opinion on uni is that it's fine as long as you've got a focus on what you want out of it. I can't see the point of doing a degree just cause you like the topic but with no idea what to do with it.

I hated uni. I was homesick, got left out by housemates and much preferred my part time job I had there.
I even stayed in work accommodation so I could stay and work over the summer.
I hated the constant partying, drunkenness and noise. I’m fairly sociable but it was too much for me.
I was a very young 18 when I went though and I had never even spent a night in a house on my own beforehand as I was scared of my own shadow.
I suppose the degree has opened some windows and helped with jobs, although I’m not doing anything related to my degree at the moment and I’m really enjoying it.
Can she not do the course closer to home and live with you while she studies?

One of the best experiences of my life. The perfect hal way hour between teenhood and adulthood my opinion. I wasn't a mad party animal but I had the vest fun and made some life long friends.

I had a positive experience and made friends for life. I went to my first choice which was 500 miles from home. I lived in shared houses. I enjoyed my course. I joined lots of groups. I explored the local area and travelled cheaply with the university to further destinations. I worked in the holidays , but not in the uni town. When I graduated I worked, then completed a few small qualifications and was lucky to secure a graduate entry job. Some of my friends found that the same degree did not open the same opportunities for them ( this may be down to differences in persality and what they wanted to do as a job). I believe that I have been fortunate. I have worked with people who have degrees and some who do not. I did a degree that I enjoyed. Life is what you make it !

Absolutely loved it! Made some fabulous friends, just had a weekend away together and got our 20 yr reunion in September

Drank too much and spent waaayyy to much but wouldn't change a thing despite not ever really using my degree

Persality = personality If I went to uni now I would do a course that would guarantee a job on graduation due to the student loan, fees, debt

I had a job I loved and friends who weren't going to Uni so I really didn't want to go and hated it for the first 3 months. It was coming back for a holiday that showed me how much I'd grown in that period that made me stick with it and it was a catalyst to changes I wouldn't have made.

Would I do it now knowing the cost? I'm not sure I would unless I was studying something practical that was going to lead to a certain career.

Went @28 having dropped out of A levels having met unsuitable man...spent 10 years doing all sorts of jobs... Felt massively unfulfilled.

Loved it! Worked hard, played hard. Made amazing life time pals.... Made me feel I'd achieved something.

Year 1 was brilliant fun, 2 was hard work as the proper work kicked in. Year 3 was brilliant as we focused down on which bits of the degree fascinated me!

Now doing doctorate.

Never regretted it...

I think it's unrealistic to say she will love every minute of it.
Like everything in life, there will be good bits and bad bits.

But she is thinking small and safe, stay at home, stay in a job that doesn't have much of a future.

Now is the time in her life to be brave and think big.
It gets much harder when you are older and have mortgage, kids etc.

Go to uni, go travelling, go try things out.

I think she would regret not going more than going, even if there some tough times.

Not everyone makes best friends in the first week. Tell her to join clubs and societies and meet as many people as possible.

There are lots of ways to “do” uni. I did it while working full time (specifically designed distance learning course) from undergrad diploma through to Masters, not leaving home and being full time doesn’t mean not doing uni. She could stay in her job and look for part time courses etc if she’s worried about being away for full time study

Funny thing is that a lot of the things I (and others on here) loved about university, my daughter has already enjoyed from being at boarding school. I wonder how college will live up to it for her.

I am 41 married with 3 DDs. My university days were the best years of my life! I would recommend to any one!

I’m still a student at 28 but it’s not the same now I’m married with kids. My ‘real’ university days were during my undergraduate degree and it genuinely was the best time of my life. I felt like I’d come home. I learned so much, made amazing friends. The three years went by in the blink of an eye and I genuinely don’t ever think I’ll be that happy again. Every time I go back to the city I studied in I get a little frisson if excitement. (And I went expecting to be miserable and miss my friends from home desperately.)

If she’s worried about being bored she needs to look at the course content in more depth... I did my degree on ‘face value’ (science degree with a minimum number of lab hours per week, I thought we’d be doing really exciting experiments, but was severely let down [one experiment in the whole year, and a basic one previously done at AS level at that]) and subsequently hated it. Had I known, I’d have chosen different uni.
However, I wouldn’t have got the job I did without my degree, so was worth it from that perspective.

No one who had a bf before they went to university had the same bf or gf three years later.

Frankly a serious relationship at that stage is a hamper on you enjoying university life.

There are two usual outcomes typically as follows:

University person has a whale of a time, discovers that there are 100s of people of the oposite sex around who are like them, interested in what they are interested in and wants to date them too. Meets someone else in short order and dumps the existing bf/gf.

University person in the first year spends every weekend travelling 'back home' to see their bf or has the bf come to visit them. As a result of which they never properly 'bond' with their contemporaries and miss out on establishing strong good friendships at the crucial early stages at the start. Eventually they split up with the bf/gf who meets someone else and are then devastated and alone at a university with no real good friends.Saw this repeatedly.

My strong advice is that she should not leave her university at the weekend to visit her bf for at least 2 months, preferably longer.

My DD is headed to uni this September too and feeling similar worries and fears. She'll be almost 19 when she goes. I felt the same. If yours already has friends there it's a headstart.

I had the time of my life at uni. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. So many laughs and so much fun. I'm still in touch and recently met up with my old housemates too, 35 years on. I also kept the same boyfriend from home throughout if that's what's worrying your DD, it can be done.

I hated it from day 1, & felt so lonely. But I did go as a mature student, & think that it would’ve been a totally different experience had I gone in my youth. There’s no harm in giving it a whirl, if you don’t like it you don’t have to stay. Rather that than always regret not going. I should imagine many people have these doubts.