Full time work with baby

[bigbluehouse]

Do you think working full time from your child being approximately one year old affects your relationship with your child?

I am NOT asking this to be controversial, I am genuinely seeking advice as I've been offered a fantastic opportunity however I'm concerned increasing from part time will change things for us. I KNOW how ridiculous it sounds but I'm terrified my child will be upset and seek comfort from his childminder instead of me...

Has anyone out there gone from being part time to full time and can share their experiences?

I just find the emotive language unnecessary.... I got that a lot when I returned to work . Isn't it sad that you've got to work full time? isn't it awful? etc. Now, I couldn't care less because it was neither sad nor awful for me in my circumstances. However, I know women who did struggle with that decision and conversations and language like that didn't help.

I actually find the changes in society enlightening. Women are active contributors to the workforce and having children no longer has to mean career suicide. We now have choices!! I have a career that wouldn't have been possible to have in my grandma's era ( possibly even my mum's) i have a DH who contributes equally to childcare and housework (again, not something my gran enjoyed) and my child is in an excellent childcare setting where he thrives.

We get on great! She's 18 months and I have been back at work for 6 months. If you have a partner, getting them to do pick up or drop off is a good idea. DH does the morning drop off and then I have an he to myself when I get home (to clean and tidy mainly) before I collect her.

yes, let us all weep our tears for those who made different choices (...not)... no need to feel sad for working parents who have wonderful relationships with their children, earn a lot and have a great life. Live and let live.

Blaablaablaa I'm not seeking to be critical or use emotive language. Yes, I've had more opportunities than my mother and grandmother ever had, but it's still feels like all decisions centre around whether or not the mother chooses to work, not the father. A more enlightening change in society would be those questions being asked of and decisions being made by both parents.

I agree with pp. I'm a childminder and my babies are happy to be cuddled or comforted by me during the day. It's no comparison to mum though, for any of the children, I'm invisible when mum arrives which is just as it should be.

@hillarious I would absolutely agree. Me and DH work at the same company and I was so frustrated that not only was my decision to work full questioned but nobody ever asked my DH about his working patterns . Only the other day a female colleague was talking about an overseas trip and she assumed I would be interested as I have a child. My DH never gets that ....

We made the decision to both work full time and we did discuss all options but I know that's not always the case but it definitely needs to change.

*full time
*Wouldn't be interested

Silly phone

Blaablaablaa . . . and that's what needs to change!

What saddens me the most is that women are the most judgemental. Every negative, judgemental comment I've ever had has been from a woman.

My male boss is great and fully understanding of the the fact I have a family but still gives me the overseas trips without question.my previous female boss had form for not giving trips, early starts, late finishes etc to female staff with children much to the annoyance of others. ....we don't help ourselves sometimes.

I'm a sahm and i see absolutely no difference between the relationship i have with my dc and my part time friends and my full time friends have with theirs.
What i do see is those friends get shafted with the full mental load of sorting out the arrangements for school and health appointments and holiday cover. (It might be the DP who stays home but it's not him that's worked out the solution.) That never seems fair to me.

I think full time is perfectly doable. I agree with the posters who mentioned the commute makes a massive difference but as you've said you'll have at least 3 hours a day on your working days so I say go for it. I went back 4 days a week. I honestly think I could have managed 5 but I've recently dropped to 3. For me it wasn't because of the work but my 3 hours a day commute - I leave when he's in bed and get home ready for bed time so I have no time with him on my working days. Plus driving is tiring on top of the working day. Again, as per another poster, because my job is professional I was lucky I could go part time as I'd worked there for years previously as a full timer. I am aware I would never get my job in my home town, or part time hours in the nearer city. It is hard to get a well paid part time job.

Also meant to say, people who want to be snide will no matter what you do. I had "I can't believe you work so much with a baby" and "don't you have a baby to go home to?" From (male) colleagues. Now I've dropped a day i get "you're so lucky being off". Oh piss off!

My ds (2.5 yrs) has been in nursery full time since 8 months old and it hasn't affected our relationship in the slightest! He loves his nursery and his friends but it is still me he cries for if he is upset and gives me the. Offers smiles and cuddles when I pick him up at the end of the day.

There may be other reasons not to take the opportunity but don't let this worry be one of them! Your little one will still love you more than anything and will be socialising loads which is great for development

My son is 12, I've worked full time for most of his life, went back to work when he was 4.5 months old. We are very close so I don't think it has affected our bond

So I'm handing my notice in today...

I'm feeling really nervous!

We’re all going to be working until mid seventies. So way I see it is that it’s a drop in the ocean to have a few years being a SAHM/working part time.

Then decades of full time work after that!

8 year hiatus here. Returning in September. No regrets at all. I’m 37, I have another 30/40 years of work ahead of me!

But in terms of affecting your relationship with you baby - doubt it. Not certainly I’ve come across with working full time mum friends

I'm a single mum so obviously work full time. My 3 year old and I have a great relationship. I love him and I love my job. I want him to grow up seeing me as a strong independent person who has worked hard to give him a good life.

I got that a lot when I returned to work . Isn't it sad that you've got to work full time? isn't it awful? etc. I hate this. No one ever says this to men. In fact I get slated more for working full time than my sons dad does for never seeing him! People are shocked when I tell them I consider myself lucky to have my job. I look after vulnerable people and make a difference to their lives every day. I don't think that's sad at all.

This is such w personal choice.

When I was pregnant with my first son I worked four days a week 9-5 and when I returned to work after maternity they wouldn’t authorise me dropping to three days so I handed my notice in. I simply didn’t want to be away from my son four days a week.

I got a new job where I worked full time hours over three days so I still had four full days a week with my son. For two of the three days I worked my son was with w chilfmind for two of them.

I’m currently on maternity with my second son and have dropped my hours to 25 hours, so two days a week instead of three.

My older son is definitely closer to me than he is his dad purely because we spend so much more time together.

I love that during the week we can go to the zoo, the farm, music groups, art groups, play groups, the park, visiting my family etc and my husband on more than one occasion has said how sad he feels that he has to miss out on all that.

My oldest son starts school this September and I can’t wait to be able to take him and pick him up.

My mum worked full time when o was a child and I have very few memories of doing things with her but lots of memories of what I did with my childminders. I’m very close to my mum but it does upset me that she doesn’t feature a lot in my childhood years.

I was talking to my FIL a few weeks ago and he said his biggest regret is not being around for his children when they were younger and that he wished he hadn’t worked so much.

I don’t think it affects the bond between parents and their children just because the parent works full time but I do think it’s nice to be around for the children. My husband probably only sees our sons for 2.5 hours a day and he hates it.

Me cutting down my hours has affected my promotion opportunities but I’ve got 30 years left in my career so I can put things on hold whilst the the children are young.

I see you’ve handed in your notice and good for you because you should always take opportunities that come your way and I hope it all works out for you.

Working full time is fine, millions of parents do it and have wonderful relationships with their children, I just wanted to share my experience.

I absolutely hate the, 'Oh, don't you miss her?' brigade.

1. It's none of your business
2. If you had any imagination or sensitivity at all, then you'd know of course I miss her (I'm her Mum!!!) and be considerate enough not to bring say something like that when I'm at work

It's a hugely personal decision before you even take into consideration the cost of childcare, both parents' earnings and earning potential, availability of childcare, availability of grandparents/friends to cover the inevitable sick days if using a nursery setting rather than nanny, and probably more besides.

DD is nine months old. I feel very privileged to be with her full-time - I work in the evenings/some weekends more to keep that part of my brain in use than for the money. I also have money coming in from investments, and a high-earning DH. So I wouldn't go back to full-time work in my circumstances, but if we needed the money/I wasn't enjoying or coping with her/I wanted to climb the career ladder/we were unmarried/whatever else, I can see that I might have made a different decision.

@EssentialHummus

I totally agree and think it's important to recognise everyone's situation is different and the same arrangements don't suit everyone.

@bigbluehouse

Well done on handing your notice in, that takes some guts and is a huge decision for you but hopefully now it's done you'll feel a bit better x

@bigbluehouse
How did handing your notice in go? Hope they were supportive of your decision?

They're trying to convince me to stay, adding to the difficulty of the decision! :(