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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag do after wedding

48 replies

Savingbuttons · 03/06/2018 20:53

Just wondering what others opinions of this was as I am a bit annoyed.
Last year we were invited to a long haul wedding of one of DHs friends. We have two DC who are 1 and 5 years. After discussing the options we decided that DH would go alone to the wedding due to cost and also not wanting to travel long haul with the youngest dc.
It is now 2 weeks before the wedding and the groom has messaged my DH asking if he would be a second best man and organise him a stag do for him after the wedding, preferably abroad. No ideas about dates of the stag do yet. AIBU or is this a bit cheeky?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/06/2018 20:57

What’s the reason for the stag party being after the wedding? There may be a valid reason for it.

Merryoldgoat · 03/06/2018 21:02

YANBU

A) abroad stag/hen dos are ridiculously self indulgent unless you run with a group, all of whom are wealthy and wouldn’t find finances compromised.

B) a stag do is either before the wedding or not at all - otherwise it’s just a lad’s holiday.

C) why is a second best man needed so soon before the wedding?

Whole thing sounds stupid to me.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/06/2018 21:04

That's utterly ridiculous. Your husband should tell him no.

Dancingmonkey87 · 03/06/2018 21:05

He’s being a cf stags and hens are before the wedding as if he wants one abroad!

Nicknacky · 03/06/2018 21:08

He might have been seriously ill or long term employment abroad if that’s why he didn’t have it before the wedding.

Teeniemiff · 03/06/2018 21:09

You’d think if you wanted to go abroad for a stag & the wedding then a couple nights before the wedding (whilst abroad for the wedding) they’d have a 1 night stag do.
I think it’s cheeky to ask someone to pay twice to go abroad & agree with a Poster further up that it’s a lads holiday if they’re already married.

Myotherusernameisbest · 03/06/2018 21:09

Whole point of a stag do is a lastnight out as a single man. If he's already married it's just basically a lads holiday. If he can't do it before the wedding he should simply not have one.

LoniceraJaponica · 03/06/2018 21:09

If I had just got married I wouldn't be impressed with my new husband going away gor a stag do.

Tell your husband to grow a pair and just say no.

Original poster
Savingbuttons · 03/06/2018 21:10

I’m not sure of the reason why this has been suggested for after the wedding. Wedding has been booked for a year so there would have been plenty of time to organise a stag party. Groom does tend to be rather disorganised. Not sure what has caused this need for a second best man. Is rather odd!

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 03/06/2018 21:12

Maybe the first best man told him he was being a knob.

Pa1oma · 03/06/2018 21:14

The fact he wants it abroad probably means he wants to go into a strip club. Not that you can't do that in the UK, but he probably thinks it will be easier abroad.
God knows why he wants a stag do after the wedding. Very odd.

Sparklesocks · 03/06/2018 21:15

What about the actual ‘first’ best man at the ceremony - why can’t he do it?

Original poster
Savingbuttons · 03/06/2018 21:17

That has made me laugh yearsofyou

OP posts:
Original poster
Savingbuttons · 03/06/2018 21:25

Am annoyed as was a difficult decision to make as a family about whether we should travel to the wedding and now he is suggesting more wedding related travelling and expense. I need to get some more info as not sure what has happened with first best man!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/06/2018 21:29

You would have needed to have had that discussion anyway if it had been before the wedding

NotDavidTennant · 03/06/2018 21:33

100% cheeky fucker.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 03/06/2018 21:34

The second best man should tell him he's being a knob too Grin

Sparklesocks · 03/06/2018 21:38

It just sounds like he wants a lads holiday and is giving your DH a shitty title to try and rope him into doing all the admin for him.

Also I’m sure his new wife won’t be happy with her brand new hubby pissing off so early into their marriage..doesn’t bode well that he’s already plotting his escape!!

Maybe his first best man couldn’t be arsed/ran out of time to organise the stag and the groom doesn’t want to miss out.

FrangipaniBlue · 03/06/2018 21:39

groom has messaged my DH asking if he would be a second best man and organise him a stag do for him after the wedding, preferably abroad.

If I was being cynical I'd say your DH has been invited on a lads holiday but thinks you'll say no so this is his cover story..... Grin

RafikiIsTheBest · 03/06/2018 21:43

Sounds like the actual best man has said no to organising a stag do, especially after the wedding and abroad, so he's being a class act CF and trying to get your DH to do it. I'd encourage DH to say no to being 2nd best man or at least to organising the 'stag do'.

Original poster
Savingbuttons · 03/06/2018 21:49

Yes it is pretty rubbish isnt it. Just doing the admin and chasing people for money etc presumably without any acknowledgement on the actual day.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 04/06/2018 07:00

YANBU

The groom sounds like a greedy wanker. I hope your DH says 'no'.

LoniceraJaponica · 04/06/2018 07:25

This "stag" do isn't going to happen is it. Who has enough money after an expensive wedding?

Paperdoll16 · 04/06/2018 07:39

Considering the wedding is abroad and everyone has to fork out a fortune to attend I think he's a CF to say ideally abroad AGAIN for the stag! When/where was the Hen?

rumbelina · 04/06/2018 07:46

This would annoy me. Not so much the do after the wedding (although what’s the point? It’s just a night out) but the abroad bit after an abroad wedding.

‘Sorry mate can’t afford another abroad do esp after not being able to bring buttons to the wedding. We’ll have a night out together over here sometime instead”

Wtf is a second best man anyway? Is it that you have two or has the other one jumped ship?