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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you know your neighbours?

86 replies

MoonsAndJunes · 03/06/2018 17:12

We have lived here for decades & I know the names of 3 people but rarely see them to talk to.
We are surrounded by houses and I haven't a clue who lives there.
Is it just me?
DCs go to school out of area, we commute.
It's very peaceful & quiet despite being an area with hundreds of homes.
AIBU to think I'm missing out? Neighbourly Bbqs and the like - or am I lucky?

OP posts:

sendcoffee · 03/06/2018 17:16

We know our neighbours on both sides, and downstairs, have regular play dates with the kids. BBQ in the summer too.

We know a few others in our road too, on first name terms and general polite chat.

We all get on well. I thinks it's nice.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 03/06/2018 17:17

Yes. Ndn 1 looked after my dc while I was in labour, twice. Ndn 2 daughter used to babysit my dc. We've lived here 8 years. We know most people in our part of the road by name & most others to nod & say hello to. I could have a middle of the night emergency & know I could knock on ndn1 or 2's doors (& they could mine too). It's nice knowing them, especially as my DH works away quite a lot.

FowlisWester · 03/06/2018 17:22

yes on all sides...we are a corner house so have across the street, at the side and at the back. Know all to wave at etc. Know names. An few rely on us as they are elderly... equally our kids get spoiled rotten with magazines, sweets and toys popped in the door regularly. I love our area and hope that the nice peaceful vibe lasts when my neighbours move on.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 03/06/2018 17:23

I know all the neighbours in my road (16 houses) plus quite a few on the roads off ours.

It's nice actually

IAgreeWithOP · 03/06/2018 17:24

I know plenty of neighbours and near-neighbours, but don't socialise. A lot of our kids grew up together. It's a bit Corrie but without the Rovers.

I like the fact their kids can knock on my door if they get locked out or something.

Magmatic80 · 03/06/2018 17:24

This morning we drove past a big grassy area that’s in front of the row of houses behind ours (ex council estate so loads of houses with good gardens, and green space). The idea of putting a note through every house suggesting a neighbourhood picnic next w/e crossed my mind, just as DP suggested it would be great to have a pop up pub there.

We know one side as the dad is v friendly and chatty, and the little girl is very forward about talking to us, but we don’t know anyone else. I wish we had the kind of neighbourhood that has street parties. I think it would be ace.

Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to start the picnic thing.

Yanbu

ladyratterley · 03/06/2018 17:24

Yes and I live in London! I didn’t know my neighbours when I lived in the Midlands.
We live in a block of seven flats and know everyone’s names. We hi, chat sometimes and take in parcels for each other.
We even occasionally have drinks together in our shared garden.

HoneyDragon · 03/06/2018 17:24

No names of back garden neighbours, both next door neighbours and across the road. On small talk terms although we’ve helped next door neighbours with diy jobs and stuff and rear neighbour pokes his head over the fence to occasionally borrow something.

GinGeum · 03/06/2018 17:24

We’ve only got one neighbour, but we know them fairly well. We both keep the relationship as purely neighbourly though, we don’t really socialise with each other (probably because there’s a 60 year age difference!) - we chat over the fence, keep an eye on each other’s houses and check in if something is out of the ordinary (like last year I had the flu and didn’t step outside for 2 weeks, and they asked DP if all was okay for example). They also feed our cat when we’re away and put our bins out/in for us every week. We wouldn’t join each other for barbecues or anything like that though.

It’s a weird set up because we own their house, but they’ve lived in it a lot longer than we’ve lived in ours. We also live in a village which has got lots of connections with them and us, so we have that in common.

shockedballoon · 03/06/2018 17:25

Didn't really in our old house dispite being there for 16years! Tbf it was more of a young prof/student first house/renters kinda area. Got quite the shock when we moved last year and neighbours actually talked to us! Can't say we've had any bbqs or anything, but we have ppl we can trust to water plants/look out for house/mutual helping out etc and pass the time of day with/have a vague idea what's going on in each other's life that you might need or want neighbours to know. DS sometimes plays a bit with child over the road. It's nice.

BackforGood · 03/06/2018 17:25

We know them, but don't have BBQs or go in and out of each other's houses.

Autocorrectible · 03/06/2018 17:25

I know my next door neighbours on one side fairly well. Neighbours on the other side to say hello to (although after 4 years I still woukdnt recognise the lady if she passed me in the street). And know the name of one other neighbour, but wouldnt really recognise him. However i live on a busy commuter street with no pavements, so never pass the neighbours (except as I pull into the drive) so not a friendly cul de sac situation where I would expect to know them better

ALongHardWinter · 03/06/2018 17:26

I have lived in the same block of 4 flats for 35 years,so I've seen a few neighbours come and go. The lady opposite me has been there for 25 years,and we are friends in that we stand and chat on the landing,she has a spare key for my flat,and I have her phone number in case I got held up for some reason and couldn't get home to feed my cat,but we don't socialise as such. She works full time so is out a lot,I am disabled with several health issues so I don't work,therefore I don't see an awful lot of her. But it's nice knowing she's there if I needed her. My other 2 neighbours in the block are much newer,so I don't know them so well. We just say hello in passing and that's about it.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/06/2018 17:26

Yes, we live rurally and it's considered odd not to know your neighbours, when we lived in urban areas I would barely even see them!

FASH84 · 03/06/2018 17:29

Everyone around us is much older, our ndn is an elderly lady, she kindly takes in parcels for us and we help out with her garden when her arthritis is bad and offer to get her shopping, but her adult DCs and brother have that covered. I gave her some tomato plants this year as it was too cold for her to get out to her green house earlier in the year, but we talk to her maybe once or twice a month. Everyone else will nod or say hello but that's it. It's a pretty quiet street, they don't know I'm expecting yet!!

Original poster

MoonsAndJunes · 03/06/2018 17:30

Ah. Just me then!

Our street is very quiet. People are retired or commute. I like it in many ways because when we're home we're in our own bubble but I do feel like we are missing something!
Not much coming and going at all from any house- I can see at least 30 houses from my front door but no idea who lives there!!

OP posts:

Martinimonster · 03/06/2018 17:36

I moved in last September. Our neighbours on the right have never even as much as said hello to us, even when we've both been out in the garden at the same time. I look at them to catch eye contact but just get totally ignored.
The neighbours on the left say hello in passing. The rest of the cul de sac are the same with us.
I was chatting to a man the other day who knew my grandad and he knew my grandad when he was a young boy. He said the whole village was one big community that knew everyone. There is a Facebook page where all the old dears still chat and share photos of one another.....fast forward to now and look at the state of society.

Longdistance · 03/06/2018 17:38

Yes.

We live on a private road of 5 houses. Send each other Christmas cards, am fb friends with 2 others, and we take parcels in for one another.
One lady that lives on her own is quiet, but say hello, know her name etc. Everyone else takes in parcels, neighbourhood watches, and generally keeps the street clean, as it’s our responsibility.

We’re just about to fit cctv to our house, and our neighbours are very pleased as we’re the first house. But that’s to do with us buying a new car, and there’s been a few burglaries in the area.

Boynamedsue · 03/06/2018 17:39

We live in a small cul-de-sac and everyone knows everyone, we chat and there are things like Christmas parties, barbecues and days out. To be honest sometimes I absolutely hate it. On a warm day you can't go anywhere without seeing someone and they always want to chat. I'm a miserable anti social old cow though! It is great that there is always someone to take in your parcels/water your plants when you're away etc, but it can get a bit claustrophobic.

fleshmarketclose · 03/06/2018 17:41

I know their names but I only pass the time of day with a neighbour directly opposite tbh. I wouldn't refuse to take a parcel in for next door or anything like that but don't want to be having a conversation with her.

ilovesooty · 03/06/2018 17:42

I've only been here a few months but my neighbour on one side delivers my milk and we put each other's bins out. They're a lovely family but are sadly moving next year. My neighbour on the other side was a nice man but I had to call an ambulance when he had a fall and I think he's died in hospital as the house has just been put up for sale.
I was friendly with neighbours on one side in my old house. Neighbour the other side was pleasant enough to me but I kept my distance as he was one of our clients at work.
My new house is in a cul de sac and people I've met seem very pleasant.

BlueJava · 03/06/2018 17:46

Been here 14 years, I know the names of the people either side of us (due to parcel deliveries) and we give a friendly wave to about 3 others. Never been to anyone else's house. I work full time and go abroad a lot, my DH commutes - everyone else here is retired or commutes. I don't socialise a lot anyway!

pallisers · 03/06/2018 17:48

My neighbours are one of the reasons I love my house so much.

We don't socialise together or are in and out of each other's houses but everyone is very friendly, supportive, neighbourly. When we moved in, everyone dropped off a cake or box of chocolates and a note of welcome. I have cooked and dropped off dinners for neighbours who had an operation or broke a foot. The woman to our left has planted herbs/lettuce/veg etc in her front garden and we are all welcome to help ourselves. When it snows, we help clear each other's sidewalks and share responsibility for the very elderly neighbour's footpath and steps. If there is a big snowstorm we email to arrange for staggered shifts of going out to dig/snow plough.

I would find it too much if I were really friends with neighbours - as in true socialising (we invited everyone to things like first communion parties but that is it) but the kind of chat and looking out for each other we have is perfect.

My dad said to me once that the most important thing about your house is your neighbours - I agree.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 03/06/2018 18:01

We're in a row of 5, we all regularly have a good chat out the back, and the dc are all close. I absolutely love them, I'd love a bigger house, but dont want to leave them.

Flucker · 03/06/2018 18:02

The lady directly across the road is probably the only one I'd go out of my way to talk to. Next door one side are both profoundly deaf and therefore have no idea just how bloody noisy they are, other side just moved in and have said hello over the fence but nowt else. Neighbours over the back have two very screamy shouty children who like nothing more than to bounce on their bloody trampoline which directly overlooks our garden. I've tried to be friendly towards the deaf neighbours but have got nothing short of deranged behaviour back so I steer well clear

I hate living here :(

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