To be over the top show off party Mum

[PartyAnxiety]

So my DD is about to have her 7th birthday party. She's having it at a local farm where half her class have also had their parties (you pay per child for a set package) so nothing extravagant.

My DD has been obsessing over the party for ages and in particular the party bags, it seems to be the main part of her birthday she's looking forward to. She's not getting a big present (she was due a new bike but got given a second hand one by a cousin and said she's happy with it and there's nothing else she wants.)

She's just been really obsessed that she wants to give out great party bags and has been constantly thinking of new ideas of things that should go in them - I've been happy to pay since I had a certain budget for her birthday and due to her not having a big pressie there's lots left over.

Now I'm just freaking out that the parents are going to think we're being show offs or that we're setting a precedent of spending stupid amounts of money on party bags (people mostly do a few sweets and plastic tat which is fine).

So far we have a book each (they came from a set from book people so wasn't expensive), 3-d stickers (they're kind of posh butterfly stickers that were about £1.5 each usually but I found them cheaper. A butterfly kite thing (usually £3 each but again I got them cheaper - they look quite expensive though). Some glitter slime (can't even remember how much it was) some temp tattoos and some fabric pens. The bags themselves are fabric tote bags that can be drawn on with the fabric pens.

Looking at it all it just seems OTT (I also read an old article somewhere about a mum who sent a party bag back because she thought it was over the top and trying too hard) and I'm wondering whether I should not put it all in. On the other hand I've paid for it and will have zero use for it and DD would be really disappointed as it's the main part she's been planning and looking forward to.

By the way I know this is a ridiculous third world problem - I guess I'm just not that close to the other mums and feel a bit excluded at school events - everyone else seems to form into little huddles which aren't particularly welcoming etc so don't want to cast myself out any further - particularly because it means DD misses out on social events where the mums just invite their friends.

I don't know I might feel uncomfortable accepting such a generous party bag particularly if I'd wrapped a stingy gift.But I hate the whole idea of party bags and so went a bit off piste with dd's parties and sent the dc home with a balloon on a string and a piece of birthday cake.Funnily enough a lot of parents seemed happy and there quite a few party bagless parties from then on.

We have made it simple, one year it was a horrid henry book for all the boys, cricket ball each was another, football was another year, for my DD it was always more complicated I think you can tell we have a few boys! jewellery, wands that lit up were always a winner, However in answer to your question- your party bags sound cool and the girls will love them, wouldn't change them!

Are you doing any party games? Perhaps you could have some of those as the runner up prizes - the games where everyone gets a prize ;)

I don't think the party bags will be "setting a trend" It's not a bloody competition!
Some parents throw more extravagant parties and I don't feel the need to try and match them. My ds went to one where they went Go Karting, had a reptile expert come and showcase lots of his animals, someone making amazing balloon models, the birthday cake was enormous.
I didn't stop speaking to his mother or feel I had to keep up with that.

I do think giving the books to her class is a great idea though. DD could do that on or around her birthday as a gift for the whole class library and could then enjoy them herself too. (maybe check with teacher beforehand).

How many at the party? I am planning on going slightly "over" on party bags this year, but mainly because we're having the party at home and limiting total numbers to 8. So that has saved a lot assuming they don't trash the house and makes it possible for me to provide 1 small nice thing each, alongside bubbles, sweets and a slice of birthday cake.

Do the party bags as planned as that’s what you agreed with your DD (and don’t add a note which could backfire and be cringe in hindsight). I always did special party bags. As a working mum we couldn’t do all the after school play dates others did and this was my way of “contributing” iyswim. Most other parents will be glad it’s not a load of tat and after a blink probably won’t give it another thought.

I would never mentally tot up the contents of a party bag, too lazy

Please leave the note out, it is mega double cringe imo

Thanks guys - really appreciate all the different points of view.

I don't know if it makes any difference but it's a fairly affluent area and we're probably the among the least well off - I'm only guessing as we drive an old banger and just go away once a year which seems to be a modest lifestyle compared to her friends - that said none of them seem snobby as far as I can tell and obviously even if they are well of doesn't mean they want to be pressured into wasting money on party bags!

I hadn't thought that the note might actually draw more attention to it and be seen as "isn't my daughter wonderful".

Don't put a note in saying your dd wanted to send out more expensive party bags, that just emphasises the difference between your relatively speaking expensive party bags and their average/cheap ones. To be honest it does sound a bit like you or your dd are trying just a little too hard although I am not sure why.

When ds was at primary there was a girl who regularly brought in little gifts for the whole glass, usually hand wrapped in cellophane/ribbon (in boy and girl colours!) sweets at her birthday, halloween, mini eggs at easter etc. To be honest it confused most of the children, either because it didn't conform to the precedent set at previous parties or I think they are naturally suspicious of show offs and don't like to think their friendship is being bought, even at that age.

A few people asked what DD would like as a present and I was very clear that she just wanted friends there and really didn't expect anything pricey and would be more than happy with a hand made card etc.

Thank fuck we do a giant piñata and stand back while the gladiators fight over the contents

I should also think about whether DD is trying to buy friends which i obviously wouldn't want to encourage. (Thanks I hadn't even thought of that but it's a really good point). Giving some to charity/hospital etc might be good as DD can still be giving stuff but just not in a more anonymous way!

elQuintoConyo that sounds bloody awesome!

It's a sad world when a child that loves giving thoughtful gifts to her family and friends is somehow being a Show Off or trying to Buy her friends and having ulterior motives.

She's only 7 for goodness sake and has obviously enjoyed putting together party bags full of things she's carefully chosen herself. I really don't think anything more needs to be read into it.

Would there be time to decorate the bags during the party? You could have the other bits on standby to fill the bags with (maybe whilst they are doing something else?) but then it is more of an activity that they can take home with a few bits as party bag fillers. They wouldn't need long, maybe 10-15 minutes with a "you can take these home and finish decorating them there, we can put the pens in the bags for you."?

I think she’s probably just at that age where she loves giving gifts. My DC was recently invited to the party of a friend’s sibling and the friend had put so much effort and thought into the party bag. She’s a similar age.

I have a passion for non plastic tat party bags so mine are always a bit random and no doubt some parents could feel a bit judged or not like them but o don’t really care. My son is going to a private school next year though and I will go from being one of the average income mums to one of the lowest and can imagine that in that case it feels tricky as a mum - like you want to look not stingy or poor, and also not too try hard or fake. I think in the end, just go with what your daughter wants and ignore any doubts - you know your intentions are fine and anyone who wants to be silly about it can just jog on.

Can I come?

Seriously though, the other mums will hate you, but your daughter and her friends will think you are a legend! Do stop now though. Or may be just add a hand written note from your daughter?

So long as you aren't dressed as fucking Elsa I wouldnt be bothered in the slightest.

Yes a mum at a recent party did dress as Elsa with a friend playing Anna. She also made all the girls invited dress up as princesses but told the boys they could wear whatever

I would take some stuff out of the bag, to be honest. I really don't like the idea of the note. I think it's cringeworthy and a bit showy-offy - "look how kind and generous my DD is". I know you don't mean it the least bit like this, but it may be how it comes across. I can imagine other parents eye-rolling. Agree about you using some of the gifts in party games instead. Yes, for maybe decorating the bags - that's a good idea - as a party activity, but maybe there's no time?

I get what people are saying but should we really be encouraging a girls kindness to stop sinply because shes different so she can "fit in".
that seems to scream against everything we are fighting for with our kids in todays world.to be them,to be kind.to be free to be thesmevles.if other mums and kids are to cruel or ponsy not to see good in this then I want to say screw-em.
becsue your daughter sound slovely and there should be more like this not less.
and I find it terrible how we are all thinking of ways to squash her kind thinking down so other wont think anything.
fiar enough if she is doing it to buy frinds.this needs then some looking after and supporting her through.

I think it sounds lovely OP and I wouldn't worry about it at all. People will be delighted.

I think they sound fine. We've been to a lot of parties over the years with some expensive party bags and some cheap ones. I just always think it's whatever the parents can afford. One year all the girls were given a Monsoon small jewellery box as a party bag. Saw them in there for £12.99 each.
I was thinking to myself it's probably more than some parents would have spent on the actual present.

Whoever would send a party bag back is in the head! Just a sad sack that has way too much time on their hands and loves to make a point and make themselves feel empowered (you can't help those sorts).

You spend what you like, with no justification. See this as part of your daughters present - she clearly has a big heart as she is more interested in giving gifts on her special day than being interested in what she is having.

I think it says more about you and how lovely she is and what a great job you have done on teaching her the gift of giving. Well done you!!

I think that’s an amazing party and you shouldn’t change a thing 👍🏻