We have been together for more than 3 years now (not married, no kids, I'm 31, he's 41). I have seen pretty early that he likes drinking way too much than it is acceptable, there were clear signs in his behaviour patterns as well. I was madly in love and everyone drinks more in the city so it didn't bother me much in the loved up phase of the relationship.
last year was awful. he was going through hard time at work and was depressed (he told me he wanted to kill himself and was seeing therapist as well). started drinking almost daily and on weekends as early as 12 o'clock.. cider, wine (x2 bottles per night), gin, you name it... abuse would start pretty much every night during the weekend. waking me up when I'm asleep shouting abuse at me (mostly) and threatening to burn my cloths, throw me away (it's his house but I pay him contributions equal to monthly rates). October last year I found out he used prostitutes. Due to the condition he was in a and work pressure I was being very understanding. I was just getting on with it hoping things will change and didn't want to make him feel worse. I must mention all this time he blamed work for his drinking.
he is out of work now (finance is not an issue and won't be for next 4-5 months at least) and even the reason for his heavy drinking is gone he got absolutely smashed yesterday night and abused me again. (I'm at the point where I hear a can of cider being opened and it makes me shake out of rage) I found out he still went to massage parlour couple of weeks ago.
I paid for our nice holidays, changed my car to different one so he can drive it as well, paid for his insurance (recently passed driving test) just making sure he is relaxed and recovers from the hard year that he had. and he did exactly what he was doing last year! I feel he disrespected me and doesn't appreciate things I did for him and all this year of suffering and supporting him and trying to keep him sane.
It doesn't help my dad was absolute alcoholic all my childhood and teenage years.. my unspoken role in the house use to be to sit in the kitchen and talk to him to make sure he is calm and doesn't go looking for mum (which would cause arguments and screaming) till he finally would go to bed (he never was abusive to me nor my brother)
I just don't know what to do now. He's lovely person when not drunk but it has negative effect on me. I just don't want to deal with it anymore, don't want to be silent and trying to do my best to make sure he is ok and entertain him while he's drunk so all of a sudden he doesn't get abusive. however, I feel I should try something else before giving up on him. is there anything I can do try to change the situation? I feel I shouldn't give up unless I have done everything I could to improve the situation. please share your thoughts with me, I don't feel comfortable talking about this to anyone I know..