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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids playing outside - AIBU?

58 replies

Binkybix · 02/06/2018 22:11

We live in a small gated close, with 9 houses. Each has a parking space and then there is a lot of shared communal space in the middle. There is a lease for the shared grounds that says nothing about use of it.

I’ve two children (4 and 2). Occasionally they will play there with another child who lives here. Only occasionally, always supervised. Never before 10am or after 6pm. We were playing out there today for about 15 minutes, then we went in.

Then a neighbour came round, saying that it’s not a playground and that we should take the children to the park. She said that she was trying to work and that she couldn’t take it anymore. She actually put it through as a letter but I heard it and opened the door.

Incidentally, her own younger children do play there sometimes. She also has form for being very highly strung about some other things.

I would add that I would consider myself quite sensitive to noise and genuinely don’t think it’s too much, and I am often the parent trying to make sure their kids are being considerate etc.

I just said that I was on the way out and we could discuss later if she wanted, but I think my manner clearly showed that I was not on board with her views.

Should I just carry on, or have I got this wrong? I think I’m right but would like other views.

OP posts:
CadyHeron · 02/06/2018 22:21

In daylight, being supervised, between the hours of 10 and 6?
YANBU, ignore her. If it was early in the morning or really late at night she might have a point, but you can't expect children not to play out and make a little noise!

llangennith · 02/06/2018 22:21

YANBU.

inabeautifulplace · 02/06/2018 22:21

Totally reasonable on your part. Maybe she was having a shit day, but communal spaces are there to be enjoyed. Kids here play outside plenty and make lots of noise. That's what kids do!

Waggingmyginger · 02/06/2018 22:23

Carry on, she is unrealistic about communal space and noise.

RainbowBriteRules · 02/06/2018 22:25

She is being ridiculous. Kids play out from around 9am to 9pm here! Shared communal space is the perfect place for it.

Original poster
Binkybix · 02/06/2018 22:25

She just seemed so certain that I would see the light and obey I thought I’d missed something.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 02/06/2018 22:27

Tell her to do one and if she wanted silence she should have bought a house in the middle of nowhere! Then take your kids to buy musical instruments so they can play marching band outside Wink

RainbowBriteRules · 02/06/2018 22:31

Well this is MN where the common theme of that people should never ever make a sound outside their own houses so no doubt some people think like that.

I would play her at her own game. Contact CAB / environmental health / wherever is best for these things. Then you can let her know that you have contacted them and they said you are of course being entirely reasonable.

delilahbucket · 02/06/2018 22:36

She is BU. On our street the children play out from around 9am until 8:30/9 on weekends and in the holidays and 7:30 on school nights. There are only 3/4 children, they scream and laugh and play silly games and they are encouraged because it is better than them being stuck inside. No one tends to sit out and watch them anymore as they are of the age where they don't need it, although one of us has our door open so we can listen out. The neighbours chat to them as everyone knows everyone and they cause no problems, and quite a few people work from home, me included.
Incidentally, before we moved here we went to look at house that had a shared court yard. The home owner was very quick to tell us that children were not allowed to play outside. This was a strip of four bedroomed, family homes, filled with retired people because no families would buy the houses as they couldn't use the outside spaces! Needless to say we have that one a wide berth!

ClumsyFool · 02/06/2018 22:37

YANBU, I personally love hearing kids outside (not biased as ttc so don’t have any yet) and although I know not everyone shares that viewpoint you absolutely cannot expect to live in total silence from the outside world.

It was a reasonable time of day and with supervision and so long as it wasn’t constant screaming then that’s just ‘normal life’ noise like lawnmowers, people having a chat outside and cars driving up and down. Part and parcel of living around others.

Original poster
Binkybix · 02/06/2018 22:44

Ok - I think I’m ok to ignore it then. She’s quite a strong personality and I can be a bit of a pushover so I’ll stick to my guns!

OP posts:
ObiJuanKenobi · 02/06/2018 22:49

YANBU and I would love to live by you. My current NDN are having drinks outside and their 4 children are on their trampoline screeching like Tasmanian Devils - it's nearly 11pm
Angry

BackforGood · 02/06/2018 22:49

I would just ignore her.
I'm all for getting on with neighbours, but her request is unreasonable. I wouldn't make a big thing about it, but she can't dictate what all the other residents of the close do.

ilovecardigans · 02/06/2018 23:00

She's being ridiculous. And needs to invest in some earplugs or consider a move to the middle of nowhere if the sound of children playing out at a perfectly reasonable time offends her.

NevermindMyMind · 02/06/2018 23:01

She is being precious. It's a Saturday during the hours of 10am and 6pm, so as long as your DC weren't screaming like banshees then I think YADNBU!

Where I lived before we often had children shouting like hooligans at 9pm, kicking or bouncing balls against walls, etc. with no adult supervision which I think is BU or another place at 8am the NDN and his wife would have arguments in the garden before allowing their children to filter out and get on the trampoline as soon as they were done. I think your neighbour hasn't had any delightful neighbours like me and, if she had, she would be a bit more tolerant of what is normal and what isn't.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/06/2018 23:03

It’s not your fault that she has chosen to make her place of work in a residential close where children live and play. She is the one that needs to make the adjustment, not you.

MarthasGinYard · 02/06/2018 23:08

If you were playing out there at a reasonable time for only 15 mins are you sure it's you she's complaining about?

Original poster
Binkybix · 02/06/2018 23:11

Defo us - caught her red handed stuffing the letter through our letter box!

OP posts:
Original poster
Binkybix · 02/06/2018 23:12

It was quite a polite letter though!

OP posts:
Happyandshiney · 02/06/2018 23:14

I’m confused. They made enough noise in 15 minutes that she was moved to write a note?

My kids play out all the time but they know that screaming/squealing/shouting isn’t allowed.

Using the space is fine, making a racket absolutely is not.

Thehop · 02/06/2018 23:14

You sound very considerate

Ignore her

flumpybear · 02/06/2018 23:16

She's being inconsiderate by making everyone follow her rules - I'd say I appreciate you're working but the world doesn't revolve around you. My children are playing on shared space at reasonable times as do your children sometimes .... I can't see any problem or difference between you or us here

Original poster
Binkybix · 02/06/2018 23:19

I’m confused. They made enough noise in 15 minutes that she was moved to write a note?

Yep - I didn’t think they were being particularly loud. She has said to my child before that it’s not a playground (after he cycled around for a minute after cycling home from school) so I think she is primed to be annoyed.

OP posts:
condepetie · 02/06/2018 23:20

Have you got a garden, do the houses in your close have gardens?

If so, how would it be any different for your neighbour if the kids were playing in the gardens?

Tell her to jog on.

Ontheboardwalk · 02/06/2018 23:29

I work from home sometimes kids play outside, suck it up you're in a residential area. You are NBU. It’s their home as well.

I did have kids not from my street screaming outside my window. I asked who they were and why screaming outside my window. They said they were sent away from outside their house next street along as they were being too noisy. Now that is BU.