They have kids together, so I know there is a certain amount of contact. I’m just so sick of her intrusions and claim on my husband, I think I might explode!
I think the main thing is that she still really likes / loves my DH, but hates and resents me. So any mutual events she totally blanks me and glares at me, but then will be phoning DH afterwards or the next day to chat about the kids and be flirty friendly. Their kids are all 18 plus but she refers to them to DH as ‘our babies’ and frequently makes a huge drama out of small things to do with them so she can phone DH in a ‘distressed state’. She insists then on phone calls and DH is guilt tripped into going to her house for chats. She has a BF but he lives far away and seems to need DH when he’s not around.
I made quite an effort to get to know her at first, and looked after the step kids too. But she always treated me as if I didn’t exist, she’d even pull out the family albums to show me and talk about DH as if they still had a special bond.
Obviously my first call was to tell DH how I felt, and after initial defensiveness he realised it was too much and cut back on contact. She reacted by shouting to DH and the kids about how awful I was, and has been angry with me ever since. The kids were in a loyalty bind and are very distant to me too. That was 5 years ago! I was not the
OW, they both had been separated for 5 years before I came along. It is now so uncomfortable that any events like my step kids birthdays I just feel very unwelcome and have stopped going. They now post pictures of their Dad and Mum all together with EW looking very happy next to my DH. To be fair my DH is pretty aware that there is a pull for him and pushing me away, but as it’s got better than he was he just doesn’t want to deal with it. One thing that hasn’t helped is that my DH doesn’t stick up for me enough when EW bitches about me, and feels that he must keep the peace with her as she can be very volatile if he doesn’t.
Eurgh... I feel like I should be able to ignore this, rise above it, and not let it interfere in my relationship. On the other hand, if I can’t even share in things like his kids birthdays, his kids are very important to him, and only share them with his EW, then that diminishes our bond. And also, when the phone goes at midnight and it’s EW I feel like someone has walked right into the middle of our relationship.
What the hell do I do?!