Who is BU? Takeaway night.

[Foodissuesnoneed]

The following is fairly lighthearted but it did piss me off a bit.

I offered to get takeaway for dinner tonight. We don’t have much money so this is a little treat and great to not have to cook for a change. I told dp that my budget is £20.
There’s me, dp and our teenage ds.
He entered mine and ds choice into app and added his own, then told me ‘oh, it’ll go over your budget by £5 because I want a pizza too’ The pizza is in addition to his chosen meal (he’s always buying more than he needs to eat if we get takeaway, if it’s Mcdonalds he’ll order a couple of extra cheeseburgers to reheat later, and he likes cold pizza so that would get eaten either later or tomorrow)
I said that’s fine just give me the £5. He looked shocked and said ‘but you’re paying tonight’ so I said that he knows my budget is £20 and I’ve got to stick to it (I could actually afford the £5 if I wanted to pay it)
He huffed and said he won’t get the pizza then. I asked why he insists on ordering 2 meals anyway and he said ‘because I’m hungry’
I told him there’s plenty of other food in the house if he was still hungry after dinner (he wasn’t)
Was I BU to ask for the £5 or was he BU and taking the piss?

It wouldn't bother me unless I was already feeling a bit resentful towards him in general.

@AnnieAnoniMouser I didn’t quibble I told him straight, this habit of ordering 2 meals really bugs me and now he knows.

For anyone questioning our financial situation @MrsT4 describes it perfectly, thanks MrsT!

This is your partner and since your son is a teenager you've been together for a long time? And you would begrudge him £5 for an extra pizza? Unless he's been very tight towards you in the past, you are BU.

This ^

@foodissuesnoneed

YABU - and so is he - to still have this 'my money, your money' bollocks at your age, after many years together, living together, kids together.

You AND he sound like 17 year olds who have been dating for a month.

I could NEVER be in a relationship like this.

Whose idea is this, to be so petty and pathetic over a fiver, and to have the separate money?

I seriously cannot fathom how couples function long term like this.

@LilMadAgain I can’t believe the cheek of your Aunt! I need to get dp in check now before he starts thinking stuff like that is acceptable!

Even the equal spending money is bizarre. Money is just money for either person to spend.

@UserV I was paying for the takeaway out of my ‘spending money’ (we split the bills then share what’s left basically) so he has had the same disposable money but the takeaway was my offer, with a set budget because I like to budget my spends carefully. It’s more the habit of ordering 2 meals that bugs me.

There should not be a 'my money, your money' situation in a serious long term relationship when you have kids.

And this quibbling over a fiver is pathetic frankly. I feel embarrassed for both of you. You both sound horribly immature.

There was a thread like this yesterday, it was about a DP being greedy and ordering a lot of burgers.

It was the FOOD TROLL

@MyDcAreMarvel not that I want this to turn into a thread about how couples choose to manage their finances (I reiterate, it’s the ‘double dinner’ that bugs me so much) but we feel that splitting things equally is fair because then we each have the same.
There was a time way back where dp was working but I was sahm and he thought I could manage on the tax credits and child benefit if he paid the rent and he was much better off than me. He would pay for all the ‘luxuries’ as I couldn’t afford them. I had to tell him that occasional new clothes/shoes/hairdressers wasn’t really a luxury ‘gift’ from him, it was a basic need and he was mortified. He really didn’t realise. So he began transferring an amount of money out of his wages to make us more equal. Now we both work full time but he earns a bit more than I do and we split the bills down the middle and share what’s left.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with budgeting for personal spending money! In fact a lot of financial advisers suggest that people do this. It's not pathetic or immature, for many people it's a helpful way to keep to a tight budget.

Again things still work both ways and if the OP is ridiculously tight for not wanting to go over budget, what does that make her husband who wasn't wanting to contribute £5 when the OP was spending £20.

He's being a prick and should be grateful that you were paying not trying to make you pay more.

@Eveforever thank you! My budget was £20 and as I say I could have spent another £5 or I could have gone to Tesco and spent it on wine but I preferred not to, because he was ordering 2 meals when he only needed one. He would have been reluctant to part with the fiver because there’s probably some naff Xbox game due out that he wants or something.

He's a greedy pig with which bigger than his stomach!

YWNBU, not even a little bit!

I can't understand how two people who've been together long enough to have a teenage DS can separate their money to such a minute extent that five pounds would be a point for argument.

This^ I don't get it either. If my dh wanted extra, I would just pay for it. If it was £20 more I might say that its a bit price but a fiver??? come on! He would do the same too.

*pricey
Its called give and take. You should both try it.

Shouldn't family takeaways come out of the food budget? I'm afraid don't get it.

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I begrudge my partner spending £5 we can afford on a pizza that will be eaten the next day! Ain't nobody got time for that!

@neveradullmoment99 ‘He would do the same too’ now I think about it actually he wouldn’t, many times he’s asked me to ‘put too’ if a food bill is higher than he expected and I’ve obliged.

Well seems to me that you have more give and take than him. Maybe I would think twice then if I felt he was openly taking the piss.

I would probably still pay it though. Its only £5 in the end.

@adaline for us money really is tight so the food budget is separate to a takeaway, takeaway’s are an occasional treat for us because they’re expensive. And as I keep saying it’s him having to order 2 meals that bugs me so much! Maybe it’s because it’s a treat that he sees it as an opportunity to potentially pig out but he actually never does, he eats one meal and saves food for later/next day?

@neveradullmoment99 you are right, it is only a fiver but why 2 dinners?!!!

And obviously I meant ‘put to’ rather than ‘put too’ which I’ve just noticed

He's a dick!

I'm surprised people are more fixated on how OP runs her finances than the two meals thing. It's grim. Takeaways tend to be very high in fat, salt and sugar - not a problem as an occasional treat, but to want two complete meals is obscene and just not normal.

If you really need to stick to tight budget then £25 is a lot of money.

Maybe suggest next time that he cooks the dinner and don't offer any more takeaways, until he gets the point.

If money is tight and one person is more of a spendthrift than the other the way the OP manages their money is fine. We have a joint account for all income and bills and expenses etc and we each have a personal spends. Admittedly for us takeaways come out of joint money but we are not watching our money so tightly now.

I think your DP is BU for not sticking to your budget and ordering 2 meals. Greedy pig as well.