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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU? Takeaway night.

87 replies

Foodissuesnoneed · 02/06/2018 21:09

The following is fairly lighthearted but it did piss me off a bit.

I offered to get takeaway for dinner tonight. We don’t have much money so this is a little treat and great to not have to cook for a change. I told dp that my budget is £20.
There’s me, dp and our teenage ds.
He entered mine and ds choice into app and added his own, then told me ‘oh, it’ll go over your budget by £5 because I want a pizza too’ The pizza is in addition to his chosen meal (he’s always buying more than he needs to eat if we get takeaway, if it’s Mcdonalds he’ll order a couple of extra cheeseburgers to reheat later, and he likes cold pizza so that would get eaten either later or tomorrow)
I said that’s fine just give me the £5. He looked shocked and said ‘but you’re paying tonight’ so I said that he knows my budget is £20 and I’ve got to stick to it (I could actually afford the £5 if I wanted to pay it)
He huffed and said he won’t get the pizza then. I asked why he insists on ordering 2 meals anyway and he said ‘because I’m hungry’
I told him there’s plenty of other food in the house if he was still hungry after dinner (he wasn’t)
Was I BU to ask for the £5 or was he BU and taking the piss?

OP posts:

TotHappy · 02/06/2018 21:42

When we get a takeaway we frequently spend £45 and that's just us two and the toddler! We are greedy though and, even more expensively, always want a range of things.. Tapas, Chinese style but it does equal 2 dinners really. I suppose that's why we dont do it often.

TerfsUp · 02/06/2018 21:42

He was being unreasonable. You had a budget and told him what it was. If he wanted to spend more than that, he should have contributed the extra.

Thehop · 02/06/2018 21:42

He took the piss

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 21:43

I can't even understand how it would be 'mine' and 'yours'
In my house it's just 'ours

Seriously you can't understand people who live differently to you or who find money tight and stick to a budget?

Ickyockycocky · 02/06/2018 21:44

It’s him, he’s greedy and rude.

robotcartrainhat · 02/06/2018 21:44

yeah I think hes being unreasonable. If I ordered 2 meals I wouldnt expect whomever was paying to pay for both... I mean when people say they are going to pay for you dinner they generally dont mean 2 dinners.... thats a bit cheeky

UnsalariedPost · 02/06/2018 21:46

Seriously you can't understand people who live differently to you or who find money tight and stick to a budget

Well of course I can understand sticking to a budget. I do it week in week out. I can't understand how a couple who've been together for such a long time would argue over a fiver.

kissthealderman · 02/06/2018 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SemperIdem · 02/06/2018 21:47

He is definitely being unreasonable

GabsAlot · 02/06/2018 21:47

what a twat if someone else is paying u dont over order whoever it is

if anything u order less

TatianaLarina · 02/06/2018 21:50

It’s called nice hungry in our house.

Eveforever · 02/06/2018 21:50

The best way to manage when you don't have much money is to make a budget and stick to it!

Your husband was being unreasonable. I don't know why some people are making out the OP is being tight and that she should share when she was treating her family! Nothing to stop the husband adding £5 to the budget, sharing money and being generous goes both ways!

UnsalariedPost · 02/06/2018 21:53

Nothing to stop the husband adding £5 to the budget, sharing money and being generous goes both ways

That sounds like the ideal remedy.

LilMadAgain · 02/06/2018 21:53

Greedy and selfish behaviour, like my aunt who turned up to a birthday party (where a buffet was prepared) and pulled out a picnic hamper, then started filling it up for her adult son and adult husband... They're not skint, they're freeloaders. This behaviour is not admirable in anyone.

polsha · 02/06/2018 21:57

I find the whole thing U because I can’t understand this separate money thing in a LTR. Amazed that 2 people with a teenaged DC can be sat bickering over a fiver

adaline · 02/06/2018 21:59

I really couldn't get worked up about his for the sake of a fiver. If we were having takeaway and DP begrudged me £5 for a tub of ice-cream or some garlic bread, I would be pretty to be honest. You said you can afford it, you just didn't want to pay it.

But I have to say I don't understand not sharing finances with someone you've got a child with. I can understand separate accounts, but surely a takeaway comes out of the family pot/budget? If he wants a pizza and you can afford it, let him get a pizza! It all evens out in the end, surely?

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 22:03

She said money was tight that month. Why do folks struggle with that concept. Yes she had the fiver but if money is tight it's tight.

And plenty of people in long term relationships have separate finances. That's their call and not what's she's asking opinion on.

Bottom line. Money is tight, Seperate finances. It's not an unusual situation.

adaline · 02/06/2018 22:06

She said money was tight that month. Why do folks struggle with that concept. Yes she had the fiver but if money is tight it's tight.

I think people struggle because they can't imagine being in a relationship where they're struggling but their partner doesn't have to worry about money.

We have separate finances too, but neither of us are left struggling at the end of the month. If they couldn't afford a takeaway at all, that's fine, but I find it very strange that she can't afford a takeaway, but he can.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 02/06/2018 22:08

I also don't get the separate finances thing when you have lived together for yonks and have children together.

Nothing wrong with setting a budget, nothing wrong with saying 'oi, you greedy so-and-so, we're on a budget, one meal each', but to split bills and argue over who's paying like glorified housemates, I do find a bit odd.

UnsalariedPost · 02/06/2018 22:12

I think people struggle because they can't imagine being in a relationship where they're struggling but their partner doesn't have to worry about money

Nail on head.

bonnyshide · 02/06/2018 22:15

He sounds greedy and unhealthy.

puffyisgood · 02/06/2018 22:19

if you've been together for 20 years & have nearly grown up offspring together then having separate money is imo a bit urgh.

MrsT4 · 02/06/2018 22:37

Op and OH probably do have joint funds for bills and normal food shop etc.
This was a takeaway 'treat' probably from her own money that's left over from what she contributes to the family pot.
You know - the ever important 'equal spending money' that gets talked about on MN. And she's budgeted £20 out her own spends to treat the family. And he's taking the piss and ordering 2 meals!

TotHappy · 02/06/2018 22:39

I've been married 11 years. We have joint finances, we are struggling atm. WE. My husband knows we are, but it's as if he can't curb his own wants - he knows the budget is there for a reason, but still thinks, oh we'll just go over it, we'll make it up some other way. Except he won't.

Not saying that is the op's situation, just saying things aren't always so simple.

Butterflykissess · 02/06/2018 22:42

Yabu

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