To want more money

[yellowdaisiesgreengrass]

I know I am well off compared to most of the world and indeed country.

But as a single parent and have been since I had a three year old and a one year old, I just never have enough money.

I know I’m moaning. I just wish I could do more enjoyable things - always held back due to lack of cash.

I can see why it's hard OP. I would make a plan for the future. You're really in the trenches now. It's likely to get easier in a couple of years.

Does the father of your dc pay maintenance?

If he doesn't he ought to, that might help

Don't blame you for having a moan OP. I agree it can feel like an uphill struggle especially with the cost of living rising and salaries stagnating!.The rich just seem to get richer and the poor get poorer!

Could you make your money go further?

What’s your salary? How much is your mortgage? How much is childcare?

There really isn't a limit. Invest if you have spare cash. Start a business with finding if you don't. Or retrain, write a book etc. , If you really want serious money you have to play the long game at the risk that you won't see a return. YANBU to want more money but YABU to not try and make excuses.

You own your own home, could you rent out a room or two? Rent out parking space?

I feel the same OP, money doesn’t buy happiness but we recently went to a theme park where it bloody well stops you having to spend 50 minutes queuing for 2 seconds on a roller coaster!! It was £80 or so for a queue buster ticket and I realised then how much better having money makes life. But then again, I was lucky to be at the theme park in the first place (buy one get one free!!), plenty who can’t afford to! I guess my point is, I totally hear you but sometimes it helps to think about what you have got instead of what you haven’t. A massive cliche but helps me at such times.

Thank you.

My children aren’t toddlers - I have been on my own since they were three and one, which is a longish time ago now

Their father didn’t pay maintenance, he wasn’t a stable character and has now sadly passed away in any event.

Oh sorry! I misread that. So they are at school now?

I think spending smart is the main thing plus doing things in a slightly different way from the herds.
If you plan ahead, you can get absolutely bargainous flights to lovely places for example. Your kids are young so it's hard to do at the current stage you're at but my children and I have had 10 day holidays in France during school summer holidays for under £400 and flown to Spain during May half term for £40 each return.
There's things like kids week in the West end where you can get cheap theatre tickets and they also alert you to other cheap theatre deals. We saw ballet for £5 each at the royal ballet in London between Xmas and new year once.
Things like arts festivals and carnivals are great fun and a great experience. You don't have to spend anything once there if you take a packed lunch.
I've been a single parent for 5 years now from when my kids were 7 and 3 and we've done loads of cool stuff.
I know it's hard and relentless particularly when they are as young as yours are but there's so much you'll be able to do the older they get.

Oh sorry, I misread about the ages of your kids as well

What is it that you'd want to do, OP, if a windfall came your way?

We're not rolling in it but like you, can't really complain. I want a big trip to the States when DSD turns 18 so we're camping for the next few years and saving like mad. Small sacrifices will hopefully lead to bigger rewards!

Hey OP. Couldn't read and run. I was a single parent for a long time and the bottom line is, you are one person covering everything that would normally be split. And there are only so many hours in the day. The truth is, people who have never been single parents will never truly get what it feels like - financially, emotionally, practically. It's not just being skint, it's that there's no back-up, no support, no-one to share the skintness with. So I'm just sending empathy and a hug. X

I was on my own when my DC were similar ages. My thoughts are, right now life will be very expensive in terms of childcare and demands on your time out of childcare. That situation will ease over time with starting school etc.

Financially, not every pound is equal. The critical pound's are the ones that put food on the table a roof over your head, provide fuel and clothes. Subsequent pounds then make life nicer, more comfortable.

What are your wants in the more comfortable, you mention an old banger, travel, days out.

When my DC were little I ebayed everything not bolted down. If a toy stopped being used or clothes were outgrown, I cleaned them up and got them listed - often small bundles aiming for £5+ a transaction to reduce effort. I started buying good quality second hand clothes and toys for our use, then selling them on too. It was cost neutral - sometimes we even made a bit on purchase price.

We didn't do foreign travel until I remarried when they were a few years older. We did UK travel, just me and them though. I discovered Barcello hotels at the time had an offer where children stay and dine for free. A single room in Blackpool on the sea front 4* DBB was £69 - we were upgraded to a family suite for no extra charge. We had an early evening out seeing the illuminations which the DC loved and Tesco vouchers for attractions the next day.

We used to have lovely days down to London too. Great when the DC didn't have to pay train fairs.

Now we have a little more money and I'm married but we still try to make pounds go as far as possible. We've just booked regional flights to Hamburg in the school Christmas holidays £5.68 out for the DC (my cheapest find to date). We've upgraded and booked reserved seats got two nights hotel with breakfast for five of us for under £400. So £40/ night each with travel.

Last year we went to Berlin at Easter we paid £6 out each for the children.

Don't get too disheartened by right now. When they're so little it's just bloomin tough to make many changes. Time will pass and you'll gain more headspace as they become less demanding/ more able to play independantly. Drive is needed to help you succeed and feeling frustrated by right now shows that drive is there.

My children are no longer young.

Childcare costs are a thing of the past. However I have other bills and commitments.

Ok so no childcare means they are old enough to be left to mind themselves?

We know you have other bills and commitments. Everyone does. That makes why we’re talking about increasing your income.

You have no childcare commitments tying you to the house so you can work out of the home and do overtime/second job etc.

You have a car so can travel.

You have a home you own so could rent out a room?

You have a degree so can get a better paid job than minimum wage.

What is it you aren’t telling us OP?

You're an educated home owner with no childcare costs .
Better off than most people I'd say.

I am quite incredulous Zib

1. “You can work out of the home and do overtime/second job etc.”

Yes, indeed, seven days a week? And my second job would hardly pay much.

1. You have a home you own so could rent out a room.

No, I couldn’t. We, ah, live here. There’s no space.

1. You have a car so can travel.

Is petrol free?

1. You have a degree so can get a better laid job than minimum wage.

I know. My job certainly isn’t minimum wage. However it isn’t big bucks either and never will be. If I was married to someone on a similar income it wouldn’t be a problem: as it is, I’m not, so it’s tight.

We get by, we manage, but it’s tight.

Are your children still at home? How old are they? What are your other commitments, or is that too personal?

Do you get child maintainence ?

gamerchick
😂 how wpuld changing from a job in the nhs to becoming a childminder help?

I’m probably just going to have to keep repeating myself.

Never mind.

I'm a single mum to a 9 year old. I can't imagine having to cater for 2 kids. I mainly cut costs by never buying myself anything, I know I'm shabbily dressed! I'd love a new sofa but dare not spend the money, if our home is clean and tidy that's a win! In the past I've prioritised travel with any spare cash. Have you ever looked into house swapping OP? It could be a cheaper way to holiday? All the best, I know it's tough.

Think it’s hilarious all those on here who think it’s just so easy to study hard and get a better paying job (with 2 kids under 5)

It's partly the luck of the draw, and partly down to life decisions - as with us all.

Certain people (looking at you SIL) get snotty with us for making travel plans for our retirement, but we both always worked full time (10 weeks maternity leave) and managed to stick together (so far ). And yes we are lucky, but we've worked hard too - nothing's been handed to us on a plate.

Sorry life hasn't treated you kindly - although DH and I earn the same, my life would be very different if I just had my salary.